1974

Tastes great. Less filling

I’m now in the year 1974 where everybody is running around naked. What’s wrong with these people? Haven’t they heard of an ancient invention known as clothes? Hey, is that Marlon Brando? Put some clothes on, you’re not the Godfather anymore, Al Pacino is. Or is it Robert DeNiro? I’m so confused.

Some socialite named Patty gets kidnapped. Then she robs a bank. Then she does a centerfold for Playboy- okay, so she didn’t, can’t I make anything up? Some guy named Hank Aaron breaks Babe Ruth’s record. Boy, Hank is clumsy. At least he didn’t break Babe’s other toys.

We have a new President named Jerry who says our long national nightmare is over so we can wake up and eat breakfast. Oh, yeah, we have to put out the trash too; pardon us, Jerry.

They have this detective running around New York with no hair. He’s chasing some vigilante who has some sort of death wish or something. Meanwhile, ABC has the big new hit of the year called Happy Days. I didn’t know men had long hair in 1956. Everybody is Kung Fu Fighting and I guess it’s time to go to bed. Good night, John Boy.

Good night, Dick J

Event of the year: Richard Nixon tells them to sock it to him; they do.

Fad: Kung Fu Fighting

Babe of the Year: Patty Hearst

Scandal of the Year: Ray Stevens caught streaking

Movie or TV show to barf to: Super Friends

What we could have done without: Having My Baby by Paul Anka

Pet of the year: Leatherface

Other Tidbits: Richard Nixon says he’s mad and he’s not going to take it anymore and resigns as the Pope, President Ford proclaims his national nightmare is over and who the hell woke him up, Evel Knievel jumps over a snake and gets bitten, Muhammad Ali rumbles and George Foreman starts a grill business, Ford Pardons Nixon after he’s bumped into at Macy’s, Ford lowers the speed limit to twelve, Patricia Hearst kidnapped so she can rob a bank, India gets the bomb and invades the Hole of Calcutta, John Lennon gets lost during the weekend, Sonny and Cher split; Cher marries Gregg Allmann, Sonny doesn’t join the Moonies, we had joy, we had fun…

The quality starts to go down for me a little this year but there are still some great gems so let’s get started, shall we?...

1) Richard and Linda Thompson- I Want To See the Bright Lights Tonight

2)  Roxy Music- Country Life

3)  Electric Light Orchestra- Eldorado

4)  David Bowie- Diamond Dogs

5)  Big Star- Radio City

6)  Eno- Here Come the Warm Jets

7)  Sparks- Kimono My House

8)  John Lennon- Walls and Bridges

9)  Queen- Sheer Heart Attack

10)  New York Dolls- Too Much Too Soon

11)  Eric Clapton- 461 Ocean Boulevard

12)  King Crimson -Red

13)  The Rolling Stones- It’s Only Rock n Roll

14)  Eno- Taking Tiger Mountain By Strategy

15)  Neil Young- On the Beach

16)  Bob Marley and the Wailers- Natty Dread

17)  Leonard Cohen- New Skin For Old Ceremony

18)  Stevie Wonder- Fulfillingness First Finale

19)  Frank Zappa- Apostrophe

20)   Kraftwerk- Autobahn

21)  John Cale- Fear

22)  Queen- Queen II

23)  Suzi Quatro- Quatro

24)  Joni Mitchell- Court and Spark

25)  The Residents- Meet the Residents

This is kind of a hybrid year as we get out of glam rock and hear the early rumblings of punk. In the US, this begins the period of a real teenage wasteland as teens are being spoon fed the likes of Kiss, Foreigner, and disco music in general.

There are still some great gems on here though starting with the top. Richard Thompson was a former member of Fairport Convention and, with his wife, score with my favorite album of 1974. It’s a perfect blend of folk and electric music. At number two, is my favorite Roxy Music album. I remember hearing this on college radio as a kid and I finally bought the album a few years later. It’s still one of my go to albums of the seventies. ELO comes up with their best LP this year and David Bowie is still going strong. Big Star rounds out the top five with Radio City and I wonder how Alex Chilton was able to evolve to this from the Box Tops. Sparks comes up with the wacky Kimono My House, while Lennon makes a comeback of sorts in between his long weekend. Eno makes his departure from Roxy Music count with his first two offerings. Other gems include yet another Rolling Stones comeback, Frank Zappa, Kraftwerk, and the ever so demented Residents who no doubt wowed the teen girls at Omaha airport or wherever it was they invaded

Biggest Surprise- New York Dolls- Too Much Too Soon.

This album was sort of panned at the time, but time has been kind to this album. It’s not quite the classic like the debut album is but it’s still a pretty damn good piece of work.

Biggest Disappointment- Van Morrison- Veedon Fleece.

 I generally like Van Morrison but he is an acquired taste, and this album is just plain boring. The critics may love this album but I sure don’t.

Honorable Mention-  Tom Waits- The Heart of Saturday Night, Rush- Rush, Elton John- Caribou, Johnny Cash- Ragged Old Flag, 10cc- Sheet Music

Stinker of the Year-  The Osmonds- Love Me For a Reason

Well, it is the Osmonds. At least this is before Marie was a little bit country and Donny, well, he just sucked. Of course this is a year for bad music in general. I mean I could have done Reunion or Terry Jacks  or (barf) Paul Anka’s Having My Baby.

But I went with this one as a lifetime achievement award. No one sucked as consistently as the Osmonds did in the seventies and I had to put them somewhere.

And so it’s goodbye Nixon, Hello Ford. See you next time when we delve into 1975.