1991

Wow, talking dog, it’s bombs over Baghdad.

That’s right, my gherkins, We’re being entertained with the greatest fireworks show since the Bicentennial. And everybody is showing their patriotism by drinking beer while watching the Super Bowl. Whitney Houston sings the National Anthem and doesn’t say, “Crack is Whack,” once. And we get to watch X-rays of a hospital being bombed. And the world is again safe from communism because Kuwait is liberated and can oppress its own people again.

Would you believe there is other news this year? Well, there is. Well, President George keeps an eye on ‘Saddamn’ as he calls him, watch your language, Georgie. President George wants to put his own black man on the Supreme Court but the Democrats don’t like him so this Anita Hill claims he sexually harassed her. The Republicans save the day though by non-sexually harassing her. And to think Arlen Specter switched parties when the Republicans didn’t want him anymore.

Some guy named Boris is running Russia these days while Mikhail Gorbachev interviews himself to announce the USSR has broken up. I hope he’s successful with his solo career. I think he’s recording some album called Ram. David Duke runs for Senator but even the Dukes of Hazzard don’t want him. Maybe he should put a white sheet over his head. And get the new Vanilla Ice record; he wrote it himself, unless you ask David Bowie and Freddie Mercury (rest in peace). And I’ll have some fava beans with some chianti; did I do that? And Pee Wee Herman gets caught playing with… sorry; that was too easy.

Well, I have to go. Hey, look, some nice policemen are talking to some black guy. They’re knocking him down. Now, their beating the bejesus out of him- all for our entertainment, I’m sure. Actually, this is pretty upsetting; I want to go back, talking dog!

Well, anyway, here is my faves for 1991.

Event of the year: Kurt Cobain says he’s more popular than John Lennon

Fad:  Armchair patriotism

Babe of the Year: Hannibal Lecter

Scandal of the Year: Pee Wee Herman plays with his (stop, Gertie!)

Movie or TV show to barf to: ABC’s TGIF lineup

What we could have done without: The LAPD apparently

Pet of the year: Urkel

Other Tidbits: Smartbombs proven to be not so smart, Bush calls off the dogs, says Saddam is a nice guy, Boris Yeltsin scores with the Monster Mash, Paul McCartney announces he’s leaving the USSR, Winnie Mandela wins Wimbledon, Milosevic wins the Nobel Peace Prize, Mike Tyson charged with biting Desiree Washington’s ears, Lech Walesa elected Prince of Wales, Postal Worker goes postal, Freddie Mercury is an angel, Hannibal Lecter smells like Teen Spirit, Suzanne Sommers spreads her thighs in an infomercial; most of us rather she didn’t, Pat Robertson loses his religion and joins the Moonies.

This is a pretty good year for me musically. I like this bunch a lot, so let’s see what’s under door number three…

1)  Nirvana- Nevermind

2)  U2- Achtung Baby

3)  REM- Out of Time

4)  Teenage Fanclub- Bandwagonesque

5)  De La Soul- De La Soul is Dead

6)  Queen- Innuendo

7)  Dogbowl- Cyclops Nuclear Submarine Captain

8)  Richard Thompson- Rumor and Sigh

9)  Tom Petty- Into the Great Wide Open

10)  Fishbone- The Reality of My Surroundings

11)  Julian Cope- Peggy Suicide

12)  Uncle Tupelo- Still Feel Gone

13)  Massive Attack- Blue Lines

14)  Primal Scream-Screamadelica

15)  Pearl Jam- Ten

16)  Crowded House- Woodface

17)  Enya- Shepherd Moons

18)  Red Hot Chili Peppers- Blood Sugar Sex Magik

19)  Soundgarden- Badmotorfinger

20)  Throwing Muses- The Real Ramona

21)  The KLF- The White Room

22)  Morrissey- Kill Uncle

23)  Beat Happening- Dreamy

24)  King Missile- The Way To Salvation

25)  Mercury Rev- Yerself Is Steam

It’s hard to imagine anything other than Nirvana grabbing the top spot this year. Strangely enough, the phenomenon didn’t catch on initially. I mean Smells Like Teen Spirit got a lot of airplay on WHFS that summer but there was no talk of a grunge revolution until sometime the following year. In any event, this is a ten star album.

U2 gets the silver in what proves to be their last truly great album. You won’t see the likes of U2 ever again (except for next year but not in my top twenty-five or HMs ). REM takes the third spot but a good argument could have been made for Teenage Fanclub or De La Soul, who complete my top five. Freddie Mercury, by way of Queen, makes his swan song at number six, while my surprise, Thompson, Petty, and Fishbone, yeah all of them, are gems to listen to. Actually, 91 is a great year as I really enjoyed more great albums from Julian Cope, Uncle Tupelo, Massive Attack, Primal Scream (trip hop is becoming a major player in England), RHCP, Throwing Muses, and King Missile, who are weird as Hell, but damn they’re good.

Biggest Surprise- Dogbowl- Cyclops Nuclear Submarine Captain

Actually, there are a few surprises on my list this year including De La Soul Is Dead, Richard Thompson’s Rumor and Sigh, and Julian Cope’s Peggy Suicide. I chose this one though because these guys are pretty obscure comparatively. I knew I liked the title track but the whole album is wonderfully quirky. I discovered later that the founder, Steven Tunney, is a founding member of King Missile so it all makes sense- I guess. Love the album.

Biggest Disappointment- The Pixies- Trompe Le Monde.

Some bands, when they know they’re breaking up, strive to do something like Abbey Road. Obviously, Frank Black, Kim Deal, and company missed the memo. This album sounds like the biggest mess since Metal Machine Music and it isn’t even intentional. Okay, so it’s not that bad, but after classics like Doolittle and Bossanova, this is a real letdown.

Honorable Mention-  Slint-Spiderland. Elvis Costello- Mighty Like a Rose, Public Enemy- Apocalypse 91- The Empire Strikes Black, Sam Phillips- Cruel Inventions, Temple of the Dog- Temple of the Dog

Stinker of the Year-  Spin Doctors- Pocket Full of Kryptonite.

Ah, yes, these Steve Miller Band wannabes or whoever they were trying to sound like. Between them and 4 Non Blondes (none of them were redheads either), they made you want to do your best imitation of Elvis and shoot the TV. Yes, we swooned to that guy with the scraggly beard as he crooned Two Princes. Too bad he looked like a frog.

So down goes another year. We’ll continue our memory lane into 1992 next time. See you then.

1990

I’m transported to the year 1990. Hey, talking dog, stop playing with your Game Boy. I swear I have to keep an eye on him sometimes.

It’s a golden year for the most part. Germany is reunited though the Beatles aren’t and Mandela is freed so now they can’t sing Free Nelson Mandela anymore. I guess they’ll have to sing Free Marion Barry now. England and France are getting connected with this really long tunnel. Gertrude Ederle must be pissed. She had to swim across the English Channel in her day and now all they have to do is take the tunnel. Andy Rooney’s in trouble for making a racist statement because the gays don’t like him; take that, Andy! And Mike Tyson actually gets knocked out; that wasn’t nice, Buster!

And of course the big story is Iraq invading Kuwait because they don’t have enough oil. Now President George wants to invade Iraq because the US doesn’t enough oil either. Well, maybe you shouldn’t beach your oil tankers off Alaska, dummies! Frank Sinatra is singing the theme of Married With Children. Homer Simpson is pissed because Frank wouldn’t appear on his show. Oh, don’t have a cow, man. I’ve never seen a cowman, have you? I saw a batman once, but he flew away. He left some guava though.

And the guys in Goodfellas aren’t all that good, that figures. Anyway, let’s see what’s  on my list for 1990. I promise not to sing; I won’t even lip sync.

Talking dog, stop chasing the Energizer Bunny!

Event of the year: Michael Jackson wins the Oscar for Best Actress.

Fad: thinking Furby is real

Babe of the Year: Marge Simpson

Scandal of the Year: President Bush admits to not liking broccoli causing world markets to collapse.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Cop Rock

What we could have done without: dependence on Middle East oil

Pet of the year: The Energizer Bunny

Other Tidbits: President Bush and Saddam have a tiff, Contrary to popular opinion, Saddam Hussein’s last name isn’t Obama, Kuwait tells Hussein his soldiers can’t rape their women; only they can rape their women, Saddam invites human shields as his guests, Nelson Mandela freed and is signed by the New York Yankees, Hubble is launched into space and dies of starvation, the Keating Five become bigger than New Kids on the Block, The White House Dog, Millie, wins the Pulitzer, Margaret Thatcher becomes the spokeswoman for Florida Orange Juice, Bush says Saddam Hussein killed Laura Palmer.

So how was 1990 album wise? Well, let’s face it; I’m a sixties kind of guy so I’m not seeing the same quality as I would have earlier. Still, there is some great stuff this year so shall we?...

1) Depeche Mode- Violator

2)  The Pixies- Bossanova

3)  Midnight Oil- Diesel and Dust

4)  Mazzy Star- She Hangs Brightly

5)  Robyn Hitchcock- Eye

6)  Happy Mondays- Pills n Thrills n Bellyaches

7)  Jellyfish- Bellybutton

8)  They Might Be Giants- Flood

9)  Public Enemy- Fear of a Black Planet

10)  Daniel Johnston- “1990”

11)  Neil Young and Crazy Horse- Ragged Glory

12)  The Reverend Horton Heat- Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em

13)  The Breeders- Pod

14)  Sonic Youth- Goo

15)  Cocteau Twins- Heaven or Las Vegas

16)  World Party- Goodbye Jumbo

17)  Social Distortion- Social Distortion

18)  Billy Bragg- The Internationale

19)  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- The Good Son

20)  Jeff Lynne- Armchair Theatre

21)  The Posies- Dear 23

22)  Jane’s Addiction- Rio De La Habital

23)  Concrete Blonde- Bloodletting

24)  Sinead O’Connor- I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got

25)  Dead Milkmen- Metaphysical Grafitti

This was the year Depeche Mode was all over the place. It is perhaps my favorite electronically based album ever. They peaked with Violator though and they wouldn’t reach these heights again, at least not with me. Nor would the Pixies who again have to settle for the silver, but what a run they had circa 1988-1990. Midnight Oil gets the bronze while two big surprises in Mazzy Star and Robyn Hitchcock round out the top five. It’s an interesting bottom half of the top ten too with the funky Happy Mondays. The psychedelic Jellyfish, and the lo-fi Daniel Johnston, who basically recorded a partially live gospel album. Other gems in my twenty five include the wacky Reverend Horton Heat, who doesn’t record a gospel album, Social Distortion, a solid Jeff Lynne effort and, in the Honorable Mentions, Uncle Tupelo.

Biggest Surprise- Robyn Hitchcock- Eye.

Okay, I’ve already established that Robyn Hitchcock, at least to this point, has already surprised me beyond compare but, with this album, it didn’t dawn on me just how excellent he is when doing acoustic albums. This album and I Often Dream of Trains have to be the two best Hitchcock albums. It makes me look forward to listening to his future stuff though I suspect the quality may begin to wane a bit after this. Then again, I could be wrong.

Biggest Disappointment- The Replacements- All Shook Down.

This used to be a damn good band, but I guess Paul Westerberg was trying to guide them in a more commercial direction. You kind of saw the writing on the wall on Don’t Tell a Soul, but it’s very obvious here. When It Began sounds like it could have been a Purina Dog Chow commercial or something. After this turkey, Westerberg broke the band up and went on to a brilliantly mediocre solo career. Yeah, definitely not a favorite album of mine.

Honorable Mention-  Uncle Tupelo- No Depression, Alice In Chains- Facelift, The Connells- One Simple Word, Sisters of Mercy- Vision Thing, Galaxie 500- This Is Our Music

Stinker of the Year-  Zamfir- Plays the Most Beautiful Melodies.

I had to include this one. I can’t listen to this one in this entirety but I sure remember the TV commercial. Zamfir, the master of the pan flute as if only a few people could be as adept as he. Listen as he soothes you with the Theme From Cats and Annie’s Song. It made me want to drop everything and buy a pan flute. Do they even sell those things?

Well, we’re on the verge of grunge now. We’ll see you next time as we get more into the early nineties. See you.

1989

The talking dog has transported me to 1989. He’s still smarting from the butt bite Spuds MacKenzie gave him. I told you to pick on some dog your own size, talking dog.

I’m in Berlin where the wall comes tumbling down. I guess Mikhail did tear down this wall after all. Now everybody is protesting against Communism. One guy stops a tank at Tiananmen Square. Not that it was all that hard; the tank was being driven by Michael Dukakis (drum roll. please). Some guy named Exxon Valdez got a lot of birds dirty and now everybody is mad at him. Did you see Ted Bundy in that John Water’s movie, Female Trouble? Yeah, they put him on the electric chair and everything. Okay, so he didn’t star in Female Trouble. Oh, and did you hear that Pete Rose gambles on baseball? As if nobody knew. Well, now he can gamble on baseball all he wants but he’ll never play in the NFL again.

Panama is the hot vacation spot of the year, you should take the kids there for Christmas. Did you hear about the Keating Five? They were arrested during the Democratic Convention in Chicago or something (or is that the Catonsville Nine?). Well now there are new kids on the block so there!

The Ayatollah is mad at some author and he’s put a fatwa on him. And I was going to bake a cake too. And communism is dying. Well who are we going to blame everything on now? Don’t worry; I’m sure we’ll think of something. Don’t eat those M and M’s; they’re alive, alive!

Well, I better get on with my top twenty-five of 1989. See you in the nineties.

Event of the year: I’ve fallen and I can’t get up

Fad:  Democracy

Babe of the Year: Leona Helmsley

Scandal of the Year: Pete Rose banned from baseball for throwing spitballs

Movie or TV show to barf to: Saved By the Bell

What we could have done without: The War on Drugs

Pet of the year: Spuds MacKenzie

Other Tidbits: San Francisco comes tumblin’ down, Chinese Student stops a tank, leaps over tall buildings in a single bound, Al Bundy’s brother executed, Leona Helmsley declared the Queen of England, Juan Valdez busted for spilling oil in Alaska, Morton Downey Jr. exposed as a liberal, President Bush says Merry Christmas and invades Panama, Noriega becomes a metal head, Salomon Rushdie publishes The Ayatollah wears Panties, Time and Warner merge to form Subway, Zsa Zsa Gabor slaps a cop (this is true), Jack Nicholson falls into a vat of acid, Bruce Wayne marries Kim Basinger, Charles Keating named most honest banker of 1989, The Berlin Wall moved to Boston to replace the Green Monster.

So what’s on the menu for 1989 you ask? Well let’s give it a spin and find out…

1)  Camper Van Beethoven- Key Lime Pie

2) The Pixies- Doolittle

3)  Galaxie 500- On Fire

4)  Chris Isaak- Heart Shaped World

5)  Roy Orbison- Mystery Girl

6)  Nine Inch Nails- Pretty Hate Machine

7)  De La Soul- 3 Feet High and Rising

8)  The The- Mind Bomb

9)  Tom Petty- Full Moon Fever

10)  Beat Happening- Black Candy

11)  Kirsty MacColl- Kite

12)  XTC- Oranges and Lemons

13)  The B-52s- Cosmic Thing

14)  The Replacements- Don’t Tell a Soul

15)  Neil Young- Freedom

16)  Kate Bush- The Sensual World

17)  Nirvana- Bleach

18)  Lenny Kravitz- Let Love Rule

19)  House of Freaks- Tantilla

20)  Beastie Boys- Paul’s Boutique

21)  Chris Knox- Seizure

22)  Concrete Blonde- Free

23)  Michael Penn- March

24)  Bob Dylan- Oh Mercy

25)  The Cure- Disintegration

The top two spots for me were easy and yet hard at the same time. I mean, really, I like Key Lime Pie but I also love the Pixies, so this was sort of like flip a coin season. I like CVB for their straight forward quirkiness and some awesome guitar work, while the Pixies impress with their chord changes and psychedelic sound if you will. My surprise gets the third spot while Chris Isaak, who I guess is a guilty pleasure, and the late, great Roy Orbison round out my top five. The rest of my top ten are full with highlights starting with the one industrial band I really like in Nine Inch Nails, one of the great Hip Hop albums from De La Soul, my other surprise with The The, and Tom Petty’s best, imo. And, of course, there is the quirky Beat Happening. Other gems in my twenty-five include a great effort by Kirsty MacColl, comebacks from the B-52s and Neil Young, Nirvana with the then overlooked Bleach, another surprise- this one from Lenny Kravitz, and House of Freaks. I’m thinking about the Freaks in particular because I was heartbroken when I heard about Bryan Harvey’s murder in 2006.

Biggest Surprise- Galaxie 500- On Fire.

I’m not sure where I am in terms of Shoegaze in general. I figured this album would rate on my list somewhere as I had liked the couple of tracks I had heard from this band- and this album. So, maybe an Honorable Mention, right? Well, I got to listen to the full album on Spotify and I knew it was top ten, then top five. Yeah, the only albums better for sure at this writing would be my top two picks. The guy can’t sing and the sound is a bit like a bunch of kids in the garage fooling around. Yet, it totally works. It’s almost even lush, thus the shoegaze label, I’m sure.

Biggest Disappointment-  Smithereens- 11

After two very solid albums, I expected to hear the same on this album (I bought this one new). Not exactly. It sounds as if they were the Knack doing their follow-up album. The thing that annoys me the most on this album is that every song had to do a quickie drum solo on the third verse of every song. Yeah, if I have to take this with me to a deserted island, I’d rather drown instead.

Honorable Mention- New Order- Technique, Elvis Costello- Spike, Jesus and Mary Chain- Automatic, Red Hot Chili Peppers- Mother’s Milk, Queen- The Miracle

Stinker of the Year-  Torn Flesh- Crux of the Mosh.

Believe it or not, this is Christian Thrash Metal though you’d never know it because you can’t understand anything the lead , um, singer, is saying. He speeds his words faster than that guy in the Federal Express commercial (if anyone remembers that). Well, I guess you don’t have to worry about getting bashed too much in Gay Rights(?). And, of course, don’t forget that classic, Kill the Dead.

And with that, I think I’m going to get some religion… not! See you next time as we enter the nineties.

1988

I’m now in the year 1988 where I’m visiting Nancy’s astrologer. Yes, I’m a Sagittarius, what’s it to you? What do you mean there is a dark handsome figure in my life? He’s just a dog. Oh that dark handsome figure, is it Tom Cruise? Maybe Rob Lowe? What do you mean don’t be so silly?

So let’s see. Somebody tells this kid running for Vice President that he’s no Jack Kennedy. Well, you’re no Jack Kennedy either, pal! Adlai Stevenson maybe. Has anybody seen Waldo? He’s probably shacked up with that vixen, Carmen Sandiego again. I don’t know what she sees in him; I mean he’s such a nerd. Jimmy Swaggert has sinned, really? I’m shocked. Did you know only little people pay taxes? That isn’t fair, Leona. Big people should pay taxes too. Tattoo should hold a protest on Fantasy Island.

Did you see that guy Dukakis driving a tank? I know I want to him to be President. He’d be tough on the Russkies, or at least the Canadians. Hey, did you lose weight, Oprah? Oh, you gained it back, well, it happens. No, I didn’t break Geraldo’s nose. I didn’t steal Imelda’s shoes either. Will the Orioles ever win a game? Is Jimmy the Greek really Greek? I know he’s not at CBS anymore, the loudmouth. Do you have a naked gun? Put some clothes on it then.

Well, I found my dark handsome figure. It’s a bobblehead of Rain Man. Very funny, Miss Astrologer lady. Anyway, here is my top twenty-five of 1988.

Event of the year: Joe Isuzu elected President of the United States, trust me.

Fad:  Flag burning

Babe of the Year: Divine

Scandal of the Year: George Bush uncovers Liberals in the Democratic Party.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Full House

What we could have done without: Crack

Pet of the year: Bubbles the Chimp

Other Tidbits: Russia wins the war in Afghanistan, Noriega says no to drugs, nobody boycotts the Olympics, Michael Dukakis crashes a tank into a Toyota, Michael Dukakis executes the Detroit Tigers, Bush beats up Dan Rather, Jerry Falwell loses to Larry Flynt, has to read Hustler for the rest of his life, Oliver North joins the Rockettes, The Baltimore Orioles win a game, Jimmy Swaggert has sinned, Nancy Reagan summons the Ghost of Christmas Future, Dan Quayle becomes the first Vice President still in Kindergarten, Geraldo Rivera opens Mike Tyson’s vault; gets his nose broken, Yogi Bear starts the Yellowstone Fire, Stephen Hawking publishes War and Peace, The Rain Man exposed as a fraud; he can’t make it rain after all.

Musically it’s another interesting year as I have my first hip-hop album on this chart as well as a New Age classic. It’s mostly modern rock though of course. Anyway, here we go…

1)  Public Enemy- It Takes a Nation of Millions To Hold Us Back

2)  Sonic Youth- Daydream Nation

3)  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- Tender Prey

4)  They Might Be Giants- Lincoln

5)  Enya- Watermark

6)  U2- Rattle and Hum

7)  Traveling Wilburys- Travelving Wilburys Vol 1

8)  American Music Club- California

9)  Beat Happening- Jamboree

10)  Morrissey- Viva Hate

11)  Robyn Hitchcock and the Egyptians- Globe of Frogs

12)  Steve Earle- Copperhead Road

13)  Sugarcubes- Life’s Too Good

14)  REM- Green

15)  Siouxsie and the Banshees- Peepshow

16)  Smithereens- Green Thoughts

17)  Pixies- Surfer Rosa

18)  Sam Phillips- The Indescribable Wow

19)  Living Colour- Vivid

20)  The Church- Starfish

21)  Camper Van Beethoven- Our Beloved Revolutionary Sweetheart

22)  Erasure- The Innocents

23)  Pet Shop Boys- Introspective

24)  Crowded House- Temple of Low Men

25)  Dead Milkmen- Beezelbubba

This one was really close. I went with Public Enemy for the top slot because of the subject matter. I’ve always liked eighties political hip-hop (we knew it as rap then) and nobody did it better than Public Enemy. Pity that Flavor Flav had to become VH-One’s celebriality mascot later. Sonic Youth with their amazing Daydream Nation comes in a close second while Nick Cave scores with my favorite album from him. The quirky TMBG and new-age Enya round out my top five. Notables in my top ten include the Traveling Wilburys, my surprise, and Beat Happening while other albums to check out include Steve Earle, a surprising album by Siouxsie, the Pixies, and Sam Phillips who we will be hearing from later (I’m a softie for nineties female artists). I also suddenly realize that I like the Pet Shop Boys a lot better than I originally thought.

Biggest Surprise- American Music Club- California

I’m a huge fan of what is known as Indie rock/Americana. As of this writing I hadn’t heard a lot from American Music Club and we’ll see how they fare later. I am familiar with Mark Eitzel but I didn’t really know what to expect. What I got was something that in some ways reminded me of Nebraska, only not as stark. I have a feeling I’m going to be playing Eitzel and company a lot.

Biggest Disappointment- Let’s Active- Every Dog Has It’s Day

For a while, this trio of a guy and two girls (lucky stiff) was on the forefront of the jangle pop movement in the eighties, but this album is frankly a bit flat. I’ve had bigger disappointments to be sure, but if you asked me to name one song on the album (which I’ve listened to several times), I couldn’t tell you. That’s not a ringing endorsement.

Honorable Mention- Patti Smith- Dream of Life, Leonard Cohen- I’m Your Man, Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians- Shooting Rubberbands At the Stars, Tracy Chapman- Tracy Chapman, Talking Heads- Naked

Stinker of the Year-  Big Mouth- Quite Not Right

Metal, meet chalkboard. Maybe these guys were auditioning to be the next Spinal Tap. One thing for sure, they do a bad job of being the Beastie Boys of Heavy Metal. I guess Metal Rap works, sort of. Don’t forget to catch Food Fight and Your Mutha.

And down goes another year. Only twenty-nine more to go. We’ve been doing this for a while now, haven’t we? Well, stick around, 1989 is next. See you then.

1987

I’m now transported to the year 1987. They’re having these hearings in Washington in what they’re saying is the biggest scandal since Watergate. Apparently, they’re accusing President Ronnie that he's selling arms to Iran so they’d free the hostages and maybe go to war with his buddy, Saddam Hussein Obama or something, and then he could support the Contras in Nicaragua and sign their star pitcher to the Baltimore Orioles or something. I wish he had succeeded; the Orioles really sucked in 1987.

Anyway, this guy they call Oliver is the biggest star since Elvis. I don’t know why since he talks about going to Parkland Hosiery for his wife or something. Does he wear pantyhose? I thought only Joe Namath did that. Well, at least his lawyer wasn't a potted plant.

It’s not the only scandal this year. There’s this televangelist and his wife that looks like a drag queen. They’ve been taking money from their followers and living in a palace and building their own amusement park. Moral Jerry didn’t like it so he exposed them. Now the televangelist is crying all the way to jail while the drag queen is finally taking her makeup off. See, Tammy, you don’t look so bad.

Some guy named Bork is up for the Supreme Court, but the Democrats don’t like him. Neither do some of the Republicans, so President Ronnie replaces him with someone who likes to get high. The Democrats don’t like him either and the Republicans really don’t like him so Ronnie nominates a Kennedy. And the Democrats love him, well, better than Bork anyway.

Well, that’s about it. I’m enjoying the Tiffany concert at the mall with my talking dog, who’s going after a dog carrying a beer (weird). Hey, talking dog, that’s Spuds Mackenzie, leave him alone. Sheesh!

Well here’s the top twenty-five of 1987 anyway.

Event of the year: Reagan and Gorbachev develop a fatal attraction

Fad:  Televangelist scandals

Babe of the Year: The Church Lady

Scandal of the Year: Brendan Sullivan admits he's a potted plant

Movie or TV show to barf to: Ishtar

What we could have done without: Actors recording albums

Pet of the year: Oliver North

Other Tidbits: Steve Martin busted for walking like an Egyptian, President Reagan can’t recall if he put his teeth in, It is discovered that Brendan Sullivan is in fact a potted plant, Kid lands in Red Square, sent to Siberia, Reagan demands Gorbachev tear down the Great Wall of China, Tammy Faye Bakker joins the circus, Oral Roberts holds himself hostage, Oliver North records an album, Barbie captured by Israelis but Ken still at large, Robert Bork announces he is not a member of the Communist party, Reagan nominates a pothead for Supreme Court Justice, Cherry Cola marries Jerry Garcia and becomes Cherry Garcia, Larouche says the Good Humor man spreads AIDS,  Ingo Montoya kills my father, prepares to die, Link stalks Zelda, U2 performs a rooftop concert and Bono falls off the ledge, Patrick Swayze puts Baby Jessica in a corner, Black Monday is followed  by Green Tuesday and Blue Wednesday, Michael Jackson does nothing absolutely weird.

Musically things are heating up again as some great albums would be coming out in the late eighties. I think I have a pretty interesting list for 1987 (well, I think so anyway) so here goes…

1)  U2- The Joshua Tree

2)  Midnight Oil- Diesel and Dust

3)  Spacemen 3- The Perfect Prescription

4)  REM- Document

5)  Depeche Mode- Music For the Masses

6)  Sinead O’Connor- The Lion and the Cobra

7)  The Replacements- Pleased To Meet Me

8)  Concrete Blonde- Concrete Blonde

9)  George Harrison- Cloud Nine

10)  Husker Du- Warehouse: Songs and Stories

11)  Dukes of Stratosphear- Psychic Psunspot

12)  Sisters of Mercy- Floodland

13)  Erasure- The Circus

14)  Public Enemy- Yo! Bum Rush the Show

15)  10,000 Maniacs- In My Tribe

16)  Guns ‘n’ Roses- Appetite For Destruction

17)  Tom Waits- Frank’s Wild Years

18)  The Smiths- Strangeways Here We Come

19)  Pet Shop Boys- Actually

20)  John Mellencamp- The Lonesome Jubilee

21)  The Cure- Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me

22)  Bruce Springsteen- Tunnel of Love

23)  John Hiatt- Bring the Family

24)  Dead Milkmen- Bucky Fellini

25)  Til’ Tuesday- Welcome Home

Okay, before you U2 haters start calling me names, let me defend my number one pick by arguing that this is the best collection of songs they ever assembled. Yes, it’s occasionally pretentious (aping the Beatles’ rooftop concert in the Where the Streets Have No Name video isn’t one of their best moments), but come on, this album has Bullet the Blue Sky and In God’s Country. How can I not rate this album highly? Yeah, yeah, I know, go listen to Captain Beefheart or something :D.

As for the rest of my top five, Midnight Oil gets the silver; my favorite album from them. The spaced out Spacemen 3 get the bronze while REM makes a comeback and Depeche Mode scores big to round out the top five. Gems in my top ten include Sinead O’Connor (yeah, the whack job was pretty good in her day),  Concrete Blonde, and a great comeback from George Harrison. Other notable albums include Public Enemy, Guns n Roses (from two genres that are not among my favorites but these albums are great), and a solid Cure album. I also should mention the Sisters of Mercy, the reigning goth rock kings of the day.

Biggest Surprise- 10000 Maniacs- In My Tribe.

I really don’t groove to Natalie Merchant and friends too much, so I was surprised to really like this album. It’s a nice folk-rock album. I especially liked Hey, Jack Kerouac. It doesn’t seem quite as poppy as later Maniac works which I think works very well on this album. I can see the comparisons to REM.

Biggest Disappointment- Pink Floyd- A Momentary Lapse of Reason.

 I guess this really can’t be called a disappointment since they were more or less David Gilmour’s back up band at this point with Roger Waters having left. It’s essentially half ‘what’s left of Pink Floyd’ and Gilmour’s solo LP. What it ends up as is a boring mess. If there’s any consolation though, Roger Waters’ solo efforts aren’t exactly Mozart either.

Honorable Mention - Dbs- The Sound of Music, Thin White Rope- Moonhead, Love and Rockets- Sun, Earth, Moon, Eurythmics- Savage, Suzanne Vega- Solitude Standing

Stinker of the Year-  Bruce Willis- The Return of Bruno.

And our trilogy ends with the warbling rhythm and blues sounds of the screaming Bruce Willis. Okay, he doesn’t scream, of course he doesn’t sing either. This rag tag collection of mostly covers makes you want to die real hard. And don’t forget Secret Agent Man because James Bond is Back (Ick).

Well, we’ve survived Iran-Contra and Jim Bakker, not to mention the Gary Hart scandal, Oral Roberts, acid rain, Debbie Gibson…

See you next year J

1986

The talking dog has transported me to 1986 and I’m on the tail of some comet. Ride em’, Bronco. Did you know that people were thinking it was the end of the world when Haley’s Comet hit in 1910? Well, Mark Twain died so I guess they we’re close. Of course everyone knows the world isn’t going to end until 2012.

This is the year of Hands Across America. I hope they catch the hand stealer. Cows are going mad, Nancy wants me to just say no. Okay, I say no to those silly anti-drug commercials because this is your brain on… what is your brain on again?

The Anti-Apartheid movement is trendy this year. Nope, I’m not going to play Sun City either. I might play Venus De Milo though; the talking dog thinks she’s cute, down boy. Did anyone see Captain Midnight on HBO? Yeah, the guys at HBO weren’t too thrilled either. Meanwhile, the talking dog is trusting Joe Isuzu with his money. No, talking dog, don’t put your money in that Savings and Loan… well, I warned him.

Well, I’m going to play with my Transformers because He-Man is trying to make it with the Sorceress of Grey Skull. Joan Rivers is still around?

Here is my top twenty-five of 1986.

Event of the year: Tom Cruise saves the world from Gaddafi and Xenu.

Fad:  Hands Across America

Babe of the Year: John Gotti

Scandal of the Year: Gaddafi bombed while wearing pantyhose

Movie or TV show to barf to: Small Wonder

What we could have done without: Bungee Jumping (especially if the tether snapped)

Pet of the year: Boy George

Other Tidbits: The Challenger goes throttle up, Reagan and Gorbachev agree to bet on the World Series, Bill Buckner makes the play of the year, Halley’s comet swallows Australia, Larouche says Hands Across America spreads AIDS, cows go mad in England, US bans smoking in Canada, Ferris Bueller elected Senator of North Carolina, Geraldo Rivera discovers Al Capone in his vault, Joan Rivers gets a new face, Man gets slapped when he calls Paul Simon Al, Crocodile Dundee determined to in fact be an alligator, Oprah Winfrey advocates the Twinkie diet.

Musically, it’s a strange year for me. REM made their first bad album in my opinion and, looking back, I think we’re in between musical eras, at least for me anyway. Still some gems though so here we go…

1)  XTC- Skylarking

2)  Elvis Costello- King of America

3)  Beastie Boys- Licensed To Ill

4)  Crowded House- Crowded House

5)  The Smiths- The Queen is Dead

6)  Elvis Costello- Blood and Chocolate

7)  World Party- Private Revolution

8)  Guadalcanal Diary- Jamboree

9)  Pet Shop Boys- Please

10)  Eurythmics- Revenge

11)  Robyn Hitchcock and the Egyptians- Element of Light

12)  Laurie Anderson- Home of the Brave

13)  Peter Gabriel- So

14)  Talking Heads- True Stories

15)  Smithereens- Especially For You

16)  Billy Bragg- Talking With the Taxman About Poetry

17)  Camper Van Beethoven- Camper Van Beethoven

18)  New Order- Brotherhood

19)  Spacemen 3- Sound of Confusion

20)  Love and Rockets- Express

21)  The Fall- Bend Sinister

22)  Run DMC- Raising Hell

23)  Husker Du- Candy Apple Grey

24)  Bad Brains- I Against I

25)  Erasure- Wonderland

XTC was at their creative high during this period. Sandwiched between their experimental Dukes of Stratosphear projects is the cerebral Skylarking which featured the brilliant and controversial Dear God on the American pressings. Elvis Costello has a monster year with two albums in my top ten. The Beastie Boys get the bronze with the rap/metal Licensed To Ill while Crowded House and the Smiths round out my top five. World Party is a notable standout in my top ten as is Guadalcanal Diary’s second album. This is what REM should have been sounding like circa 1986. Other gems in my top twenty-five include the surprising Laurie Anderson, an acquired taste to be sure but my other surprise of the year. I should also mention the Smithereens, Spacemen 3, and Bad Brains, who were really big in DC about this time.

Biggest Surprise- Pet Shop Boys- Please

These are the guys that did West End Girls of course. I always liked that song but I wasn’t as sure about the album. What it is, is excellent electro-pop. The songs blend in with each other quite nicely and is a joy to listen too, thus being my surprise of the year.

Biggest Disappointment- REM- Life’s Rich Pageant

 This is the first of a few transition albums for REM. It’s also the most awkward as they were trying to go from the acoustic based sound to the harder sound you’ll hear on Document next year. Pageant does feature the classic Fall On Me and Swan Swan Hummingbird, but when the third best song on the album is a cover of Superman, well, it sure isn’t Murmur. Love REM anyway though.

Honorable Mention-  Queen- A Kind of Magic, Megadeth- Peace Sells… But Who’s Buying, Paul Simon- Graceland, They Might Be Giants- They Might Be Giants, Violent Femmes- The Blind Leading the Naked.

Stinker of the Year-  Don Johnson- Heartbeat

The Middle Portion of our heartthrob stinkfest is of course by this humble man, Don Johnson,  who allegedly fired someone for not being excited enough or something like that. Anyhow, you’ve probably seen the video. And if you haven’t, don’t. It makes Miami Vice look like Shakespeare.

And so we scratch off another year. Do you know we’ve now hit the halfway point? I know, it’s a long history isn’t it. See you next time when we start the second half.

1985

The talking dog has transported me to the year 1985 and I’m greeted by this bad computer animation that wants me to try this new drink. That’s not new, that’s Coke, I say. He says try it, you’ll like it. I try it; I don’t like it. And Max laughs. Okay, wise guy, how about I unplug you, you piece of shaving cream?

They’re still trying to ban Rock n Roll, or at least Heavy Metal anyway. I didn’t know wives of United States Senators had so much clout. Hulk Hogan is the biggest thing since Mr. T since he beat him up for the Heavyweight Title on Wrestlemania or something. You look mahvelous, well. thank you.

This is the year of Live Aid, Farm Aid, and Talking Dog Aid. Of course the last one is a fraud but don’t tell the talking dog; he might bite me. Besides, I got Money for Nothing. Hey, did you hear Michael Jackson bought all the rights to the Beatles’ songs? Boy is Paul pissed. Star Wars is big in the theatres again, well, everywhere but in Russia for some reason. Those sillies think Darth Vader is going to nuke their nuclear weapons or something. Anyway, they now have this guy with a birthmark on his head who wants to do Glastnost or something. I hope he succeeds but he really needs to wear a toupee or something like President Ronnie does. Actually, maybe he just dyes his hair. And Pee Wee Herman needs to grow up. Yeah, I know you are but what am I? No, I’m not!

Well, that was tiring. Let’s check out this year’s top twenty-five while I put Herman in a headlock like Hulk Hogan.

Event of the year: John Denver admits to the PMRC he’s really Alice Cooper.

Fad: Live Aid

Babe of the Year: Dr. Ruth Westheimer

Scandal of the Year: Proceeds to We Are the World actually go to famine relief.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Helltown

What we could have done without: New Coke

Pet of the year: Tipper Gore

Other Tidbits: Rock Hudson dies of a bad cold, People protest Apartheid in South Africa and demand the head of Alfredo Garcia, Terrorists hijack the Achille Lauro and demand to be taken to New Zealand, Mikhail Gorbachev installed as Governor of South Dakota, Terry Anderson kidnapped; named sexiest man alive by People, Philadelphia Police fails in moving MOVE, Lyndon Larouche followers claim AIDS is carried by gargoyles, Michael Jackson buys Paul McCartney, Bob Knight wins the gold medal in chair throwing, Michael J Fox invents Rock n Roll, Michael Jordan wins Wrestlemania, We built this city with corporate rock, Super Mario busted for duck hunting.

College Rock is still on the menu this year. For me it was kind of a second renaissance musically speaking. It makes for a fun top Twenty-Five. And here we go…

1)  The Jesus and Mary Chain- Psychocandy

2)  REM- Fables of the Reconstruction

3)  The Fall- This Nation’s Saving Grace

4)  Tom Waits- Rain Dogs

5)  The Replacements- Tim

6)  Dukes of Stratosphear – 25 O’ Clock (EP)

7)  Camper Van Beethoven- Telephone Free Landslide Victory

8)  Talking Heads- Little Creatures

9)  New Order- Low-Life

10)  Fishbone- Fishbone (EP)

11)  Nice Cave and the Bad Seeds- The Firstborn is Dead.

12)  Husker Du- Flip Your Wig

13)  Dead Kennedys- Frankenchrist

14)  Eurythmics - Be Yourself Tonight

15)  John Cougar Mellencamp- Scarecrow

16)  Suzanne Vega- Suzanne Vega

17)  The Colourfield- Virgins and Philistines

18)  Robyn Hitchcock and the Egyptians- Fegmania

19)  The Pogues- Rum Sodomy and the Leash

20)  The Three O’Clock- Arrive Without Traveling

21)  Sting- Dream of the Blue Turtles

22)  The Smiths- Meat is Murder

23)  Husker Du- New Day Rising

24)  Prince- Around the World in 80 Days

25)  Chris Isaak- Silvertone

An interesting year to be sure. The Jesus and Mary Chain top this year’s list with something that the Velvet Underground might have sounded like if they were a British psychedelic band. Brilliant guitar work. REM scores with another great album. The Fall’s best album is at three while a great Tom Waits album and the Replacements round out the top five. Two fantastic EPs are in my top ten. The Dukes of Stratosphear (aka XTC) come up with one of the most authentic sounding retro paisley pop pieces ever while Fishbone gets in the top ten with their wacky solo debut featuring Party At Ground Zero, my favorite nuclear war song XD . Other notables include the Dead Kennedys, the Colourfield, and Chris Isaak as well as the Dead Milkmen in my honorable mentions. Incidentally, the Eurythmics deserve special mention because they were the favorite band of a love interest of mine a few years later. Alas, she married one of my best friends, the vixen :D.

Biggest Surprise- John Cougar Mellencamp- Scarecrow

I’m not particularly a big Mellencamp fan though he isn’t bad. I always have thought of him as a poor man’s Springsteen. I do really like this album though, easily his best. Just about every track is a good listen. He also has some of his most popular songs on this album. He never topped this album.

Biggest Disappointment- X- Ain’t Love Grand.

After four amazing albums, X is beginning to sound like they’re going through the motions here. Burning House of Love is a great song but it sounds like they’re going for the big hit single. As for the rest of the album, the tracks might have well been covers like on some fifties album. Anyhow, a bit of a disappointment for me.

Honorable Mention-  The Dead Milkmen- Big Lizard in My Backyard, The Blasters- Hard Line, Hoodoo Gurus- Mars Needs Guitars, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers- Southern Accents, Killing Joke- Night Time.

Stinker of the Year-  Eddie Murphy- How Could It Be

Oh, no, it’s era of the actor singers. And nobody does it better (or worse) than that guy from Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood, Axel Foley. See him croon his classic hit Party All the Time with a little help from Rick James. You should have let him cover Superfreak, Rick. Maybe Eddie might have done better with that, then again…

Hey, only thirty- two years to go, are we tired yet? I hope not cause I’m just getting started. See you next time.

1984

Some old lady keeps asking me where the beef is. How should I know? All I know is the talking dog keeps peeing on Elsie, down, boy!

So now it’s 1984 and I have this strange feeling Big Brother is watching me which is odd since I don’t have a big brother. I don’t have a big sister either. That means I get all the candy, MUAHAHAHA!

Did you know Bruce Springsteen was born in the USA? And it was only four years since he had a wife in Baltimore, Jack. Everybody is breakdancing because  girls just want to have fun or something. The Soviets are boycotting the LA Olympics because we boycotted theirs. Nah, nah…we win the Olympics and you don’t.  President Ronnie has outlawed Russia and we’re going to be bombing in ten minutes. Hope your bomb shelters are ready. I wonder if MTV will air during a nuclear war.

Madonna is hot and Michael Jackson is on fire (okay, bad joke). John McEnroe can’t be serious. And all the guys are in love with Tina Turner’s legs. I think Mr. T’s haircut looks better though.

Well, I guess I’ll listen to Band Aid. I didn’t know bandages could sing. Anyway, here’s my top twenty-five of 1984.

Event of the year: Bruce Springsteen discloses he’s Born in the USA

Fad: Elvis sightings

Babe of the Year: Freddie Krueger

Scandal of the Year: It is disclosed that Madonna is not a virgin.

Movie or TV show to barf to: AfterMASH

What we could have done without: Sally Field (no, we don’t really like you) :p

Pet of the year: The Chia Pet

Other Tidbits: Walter Mondale asks ‘where’s the beef?’ and buys Wendy’s, Reagan says it’s Morning in America and sleeps late, Birthers claim Bruce Springsteen was not born in the USA,  George Michael joins the Pro-Life movement, announces he’s not gay, Who you gonna call? The Stay Puft Man destroys Tokyo, John Hughes complains his actors are a bunch of brats, OJ Simpson is a rental car agent, Girls just want to have fun, says Jerry Falwell’s wife, AIDS plagues the mosquito community in Mississippi, The USSR boycotts the LA Olympics and no one cares, Bernhard Goetz shoots thugs in a subway and says he has a death wish, The first untethered space walk; astronaut ends up on Mercury, Gremlins destroy Tokyo, Ike Turner makes a comeback with his sexy legs, David Hasslehoff committed when he swears his car is talking to him.

This was a big year for Springsteen (even Reagan liked him), but for me it was all about what was known then as college rock. I was listening to a station known as WHFS in those days and they played an eclectic band of music that you otherwise had to hear on a college station. Anyway, it influences my top twenty-five this year, so with that…

1)  REM- Reckoning

2)  The Smiths- The Smiths

3)  The Pretenders- Learning To Crawl

4)  Robyn Hitchcock- I Often Dream of Trains

5)  Depeche Mode- Some Great Reward

6)  The Replacements- Let It Be

7)  Guadalcanal Diary- Walking In the Shadow of the Big Man

8)  The Green Pajamas- Summer of Lust

9)  Julian Cope- Fried

10)  Elvis Costello- Goodbye Cruel World

11)  Prince- Purple Rain

 12) The Bangles- All Over the Place

13)  Let’s Active- Cypress

14)  Ultravox- Lament

15)  Beasts of Bourbon- The Axeman’s Jazz

16)  The Pandoras- It’s About Time

17)  Siouxsie and the Banshees- Hyaena

18)  Billy Bragg- Brewing It Up With Billy Bragg

19)  Husker Du- Zen Arcade

20)  Lloyd Cole and the Commotions- Rattlesnakes

21)  Bruce Springsteen- Born in the USA

22)  Queen- The Works

23)  Ramones- Too Tough To Die

24)  Salem 66- Salem 66 (EP)

25)  Violent Femmes- Hallowed Ground

1984 was a year for big surprises. I could have easily also put Robyn Hitchock’s album in the biggest surprise as well. I thought he might get in with an Honorable Mention, but I Often Dream of Trains really knocked my socks off. REM gets the top spot again though with Reckoning which also happens to feature my favorite song of the 80’s (and 90’s for that matter), So. Central Rain. The Smiths get the silver while the Pretenders are jangly as ever. Hitchcock and Depeche Mode (who you’ll be seeing a lot of), round out the top five. In the rest of the top ten, I might recommend Guadalcanal Diary, my first surprise, and Julian Cope, yet another surprise for me. Other notables in my top twenty-five include Billy Bragg, Lloyd Cole and the Commotions, and a folk rock EP from Salem 66. Another interesting EP is in my honorable mentions by the Marti Jones led Color Me Gone.

Biggest Surprise- (Tie) Green Pajamas- Summer of Lust, Beasts of Bourbon- The Axeman’s Jazz.

Yeah, I went with a couple obscure groups this time. The Green Pajamas hailed from Seattle and were a big deal there long before Nirvana. What I love about Summer of Lust is its late sixties vibe and a quality lo-fi sound that no doubt influenced the grungier Nirvana later.

Then there are the demented Beasts of Bourbon. They hail from Australia and impressed me with their own unique brand of psychobilly. In fact, their best song just happens to be called Psycho (totally different from the Sonics’ tune obviously). Basically, it’s a lament of a serial killer of sorts. Catch the video on YouTube; you’ll love it.

Biggest Disappointment- Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- From Her To Eternity.

I know I’m going to like a lot of Nick Cave later, but this album seems more like a tribal mish mash for want of a better description. It has its moments, such as the title track, but maybe he is one of those artists that has to grow on you.

Honorable Mention-  U2- The Unforgettable Fire, Hoodoo Gurus- Stoneage Romeos, John Lennon and Yoko Ono- Milk and Honey, Midnight Oil- Red Sails In the Sunset, Color Me Gone- Color Me Gone (EP)

Stinker of the Year-  Paul McCartney- Give My Regards To Broad Street

Yeah, the movie kind of sucked too. Basically the cute ex-Beatle sings his old tunes and even has a little help from his friends like Ringo Starr and George Martin. Boy, they had to be friends to help with this turkey.

Okay, Big Brother wasn’t so bad after all, Hey, it could have been Big Sister you sexist pigs. Anyway, we’ll see you next time.

1983

The talking dog has transported me to the year 1983 where all the girls have big hair and so do the guys. It’s now cool for heavy metal heroes to look like drag queens. Ooh, Vince Neil, I bet you look cute in leotards but you need to shave your legs first.

Michael Jackson is the biggest star since the Beatles. Well that sounds thrilling. Guess I’ll have to beat it (hey, it’s a joke, son- geez!). They have a new Miss America but they make her turn in her crown because only white girls are supposed to pose naked. Clint Eastwood invades Grenada. Well, I think it was Clint Eastwood; he did a movie about it.

I want to be a Valley Girl so I can do the Moonwalk like Michael Jackson. I heard it was invented on Mars. James Watt doesn’t like the Beach Boys. That’s okay; they don’t like him either. Apparently, neither does President Ronnie because he made him quit.

And Diana Ross does a concert in the rain. Be careful; you might get electrocuted and start thinking you’re one of the Supremes. And MASH ended and thank God. It’s about time the Korean War ended after eleven years. I mean that was almost as long as the Vietnam War.

Well, my Cabbage Patch Doll is calling me so I have to go. I pity the fool that doesn’t like my 1983 list…

Event of the year: The Korean War finally ends. Captain Hawkeye Pierce is court-martialed.

Fad: Dial a Porn

Babe of the Year: Miss Pacman

Scandal of the Year: Gobo Fraggle does Miss Piggy

Movie or TV show to barf to: Duran Duran videos

What we could have done without: Cabbage Patch Kids

Pet of the year: Mr. T

Other Tidbits: Star Wars IV starring Ronald Reagan debuts, The Hitler diaries released; Hitler confesses to shooting JFK, Elvis Presley spotted at Safeway, Dirty Harry invades Grenada, Sally Ride appointed to the Supreme Court, Dustin Hoffman revealed to be a crossdresser, Mortimer and Randolph Duke busted for gambling, Mister Robinson’s Neighborhood is canceled, Barbie is charged with war crimes, Ken is acquitted, Diana Ross gets wet, Catfights the rage in Denver, Colorado.

Musically, this is the year REM becomes a factor in my list. They aren’t exactly the Beatles, but they’re the closest thing for me since them. Anyway, some interesting gems for this year so here we go…

1)  REM- Murmur

2)  U2- War

3)  Violent Femmes- Violent Femmes

4)  Eurythmics- Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

5)  Aztec Camera- High Land, Hard Rain

6)  The The- Soul Mining

7)  X- More Fun in the New World

8)  Talking Heads- Speaking in Tongues

9)  Green On Red- Gravity Talks

10)  The Undertones- The Sin of Pride

11)  Pylon- Chomp

12)  Tom Waits- Swordfishtrombones

13)  The Cure- Japanese Whispers

14)  The Bongos- Numbers With Wings (EP)

15)  Bob Dylan- Infidels

16)  Paul Simon- Hearts and Bones

17)  Marshall Crenshaw- Field Day

18)  Plimsouls- Everywhere At Once

19)  Ramones- Subterranean Jungle

20)  Shriekback- Care

21)  Stray Cats- Rant and Rave With the Stray Cats

22)  Bill Nelson- Chimera

23)  New Order- Power Corruption and Lies

24)  Let’s Active- Afoot (EP)

25)  Echo and the Bunnymen- Crocodiles

As noted, REM takes the top prize for the first of three times. They are easily my best band post Beatles and are in fact only second to the Beatles (Bowie is my third favorite). Sorry, to break the U2 haters’ hearts, but War, to me, is a brilliant album. I guess it helps that this is long before Bono becomes such a pretentious ass. The Violent Femmes, with their minimalist sound, takes the bronze while the Eurythmics and Aztec Camera round out my top five. Aztec Camera is interesting because, at the time, they were in competition with REM as the top college rock band  (REM obviously winning that war). In the top ten, The The and Green On Red are the obvious standouts. Green On Red has a great psychedelic folk rock vibe to me. Other gems in my top twenty-five include the wild Pylon album, a surprising Bob Dylan effort; he’s still in his Christian phase here, and a cool EP from the Mitch Easter produced Let’s Active. You may notice more EPs over the next several years on my lists. Also note Kix in my Honorable Mentions. This sort of heavy metal band was really big around Baltimore in the Eighties; they aren’t half bad.

Biggest Surprise- Paul Simon- Hearts and Bones

I only really considered this album because of the Late Great Johnny Ace. I have a thing for Lennon Tributes (this includes Queen’s Life is Real, Elton John’s Empty Gardens, and McCartney’s haunting Here Today). I was, needless to say, surprised to like this album in general. I’d argue that this album is better than his two best known efforts, Graceland and Still Crazy After All These Years. It might be his best ever though his debut is also pretty decent. In any event, a pleasant surprise.

Biggest Disappointment- Orchestral Manoevers in the Dark- Dazzle Ships.

Well, this one wasn’t as good as I had hoped. The first three tracks are experimental to be polite. Now, I know OMD was starting to get into a more commercial phase at this point so maybe that’s where my disappointment lies; that they got to that point a little sooner than I thought. Strange album.

Honorable Mention- Elvis Costello- Punch the Clock, Kix- Cool Kids, Rank and File- Sundown, Pink Floyd- The Final Cut, Bauhaus- Burning From the Inside

Stinker of the Year-  Kiss- Lick It Up.

Oh, yes, Kiss finally makes the big time. How many old timers remember the great event hyped by MTV about Kiss taking their makeup off? Yeah, we were all excited for the moment. Then they did, and we were like, put your makeup back on! Yeah, Lick it Up was like that too. I guess it was a good thing Top 40 AM was pretty much dead by now. Then again, there was FM Hot Hits. Noooooo! Hey at least they didn’t play Dance All Over Your Face.

So there you go, another top  twenty-five over and deeper in debt, or something like that. See you next time.