1991

Wow, talking dog, it’s bombs over Baghdad.

That’s right, my gherkins, We’re being entertained with the greatest fireworks show since the Bicentennial. And everybody is showing their patriotism by drinking beer while watching the Super Bowl. Whitney Houston sings the National Anthem and doesn’t say, “Crack is Whack,” once. And we get to watch X-rays of a hospital being bombed. And the world is again safe from communism because Kuwait is liberated and can oppress its own people again.

Would you believe there is other news this year? Well, there is. Well, President George keeps an eye on ‘Saddamn’ as he calls him, watch your language, Georgie. President George wants to put his own black man on the Supreme Court but the Democrats don’t like him so this Anita Hill claims he sexually harassed her. The Republicans save the day though by non-sexually harassing her. And to think Arlen Specter switched parties when the Republicans didn’t want him anymore.

Some guy named Boris is running Russia these days while Mikhail Gorbachev interviews himself to announce the USSR has broken up. I hope he’s successful with his solo career. I think he’s recording some album called Ram. David Duke runs for Senator but even the Dukes of Hazzard don’t want him. Maybe he should put a white sheet over his head. And get the new Vanilla Ice record; he wrote it himself, unless you ask David Bowie and Freddie Mercury (rest in peace). And I’ll have some fava beans with some chianti; did I do that? And Pee Wee Herman gets caught playing with… sorry; that was too easy.

Well, I have to go. Hey, look, some nice policemen are talking to some black guy. They’re knocking him down. Now, their beating the bejesus out of him- all for our entertainment, I’m sure. Actually, this is pretty upsetting; I want to go back, talking dog!

Well, anyway, here is my faves for 1991.

Event of the year: Kurt Cobain says he’s more popular than John Lennon

Fad:  Armchair patriotism

Babe of the Year: Hannibal Lecter

Scandal of the Year: Pee Wee Herman plays with his (stop, Gertie!)

Movie or TV show to barf to: ABC’s TGIF lineup

What we could have done without: The LAPD apparently

Pet of the year: Urkel

Other Tidbits: Smartbombs proven to be not so smart, Bush calls off the dogs, says Saddam is a nice guy, Boris Yeltsin scores with the Monster Mash, Paul McCartney announces he’s leaving the USSR, Winnie Mandela wins Wimbledon, Milosevic wins the Nobel Peace Prize, Mike Tyson charged with biting Desiree Washington’s ears, Lech Walesa elected Prince of Wales, Postal Worker goes postal, Freddie Mercury is an angel, Hannibal Lecter smells like Teen Spirit, Suzanne Sommers spreads her thighs in an infomercial; most of us rather she didn’t, Pat Robertson loses his religion and joins the Moonies.

This is a pretty good year for me musically. I like this bunch a lot, so let’s see what’s under door number three…

1)  Nirvana- Nevermind

2)  U2- Achtung Baby

3)  REM- Out of Time

4)  Teenage Fanclub- Bandwagonesque

5)  De La Soul- De La Soul is Dead

6)  Queen- Innuendo

7)  Dogbowl- Cyclops Nuclear Submarine Captain

8)  Richard Thompson- Rumor and Sigh

9)  Tom Petty- Into the Great Wide Open

10)  Fishbone- The Reality of My Surroundings

11)  Julian Cope- Peggy Suicide

12)  Uncle Tupelo- Still Feel Gone

13)  Massive Attack- Blue Lines

14)  Primal Scream-Screamadelica

15)  Pearl Jam- Ten

16)  Crowded House- Woodface

17)  Enya- Shepherd Moons

18)  Red Hot Chili Peppers- Blood Sugar Sex Magik

19)  Soundgarden- Badmotorfinger

20)  Throwing Muses- The Real Ramona

21)  The KLF- The White Room

22)  Morrissey- Kill Uncle

23)  Beat Happening- Dreamy

24)  King Missile- The Way To Salvation

25)  Mercury Rev- Yerself Is Steam

It’s hard to imagine anything other than Nirvana grabbing the top spot this year. Strangely enough, the phenomenon didn’t catch on initially. I mean Smells Like Teen Spirit got a lot of airplay on WHFS that summer but there was no talk of a grunge revolution until sometime the following year. In any event, this is a ten star album.

U2 gets the silver in what proves to be their last truly great album. You won’t see the likes of U2 ever again (except for next year but not in my top twenty-five or HMs ). REM takes the third spot but a good argument could have been made for Teenage Fanclub or De La Soul, who complete my top five. Freddie Mercury, by way of Queen, makes his swan song at number six, while my surprise, Thompson, Petty, and Fishbone, yeah all of them, are gems to listen to. Actually, 91 is a great year as I really enjoyed more great albums from Julian Cope, Uncle Tupelo, Massive Attack, Primal Scream (trip hop is becoming a major player in England), RHCP, Throwing Muses, and King Missile, who are weird as Hell, but damn they’re good.

Biggest Surprise- Dogbowl- Cyclops Nuclear Submarine Captain

Actually, there are a few surprises on my list this year including De La Soul Is Dead, Richard Thompson’s Rumor and Sigh, and Julian Cope’s Peggy Suicide. I chose this one though because these guys are pretty obscure comparatively. I knew I liked the title track but the whole album is wonderfully quirky. I discovered later that the founder, Steven Tunney, is a founding member of King Missile so it all makes sense- I guess. Love the album.

Biggest Disappointment- The Pixies- Trompe Le Monde.

Some bands, when they know they’re breaking up, strive to do something like Abbey Road. Obviously, Frank Black, Kim Deal, and company missed the memo. This album sounds like the biggest mess since Metal Machine Music and it isn’t even intentional. Okay, so it’s not that bad, but after classics like Doolittle and Bossanova, this is a real letdown.

Honorable Mention-  Slint-Spiderland. Elvis Costello- Mighty Like a Rose, Public Enemy- Apocalypse 91- The Empire Strikes Black, Sam Phillips- Cruel Inventions, Temple of the Dog- Temple of the Dog

Stinker of the Year-  Spin Doctors- Pocket Full of Kryptonite.

Ah, yes, these Steve Miller Band wannabes or whoever they were trying to sound like. Between them and 4 Non Blondes (none of them were redheads either), they made you want to do your best imitation of Elvis and shoot the TV. Yes, we swooned to that guy with the scraggly beard as he crooned Two Princes. Too bad he looked like a frog.

So down goes another year. We’ll continue our memory lane into 1992 next time. See you then.