1982

Hey, hey, it’s the Falkland War. People say they mess around…

Here I am, your roving reporter, Gertrude Strawberry, reporting from the jungles of Nicaragua where President Ronnie is giving aid to the Contras because a right wing oppressive government is much more superior than a left wing one. So be all that you can be. Join the Peace Corps instead.

1982 is such an interesting year. Some goof in Argentina thought he could defeat the British, after all, the Americans did. These redcoats had better muskets though-silly Argentian leader.

Hope you don’t have a headache because somebody put Kool-Aid in the Tylenol. Hanoi Jane is now doing workout videos. Don’t you love it when your left-wing heroes sell out? I guess she’ll be marrying some mogul like Ted Turner next. NFL football players are mad at the management and now they don’t want to play. Well, I guess I’ll just take my ball and go home then. I think the American Checkers Association is more exciting anyway. They’re teaching something called Reaganomics in the third grade. Good thing; they understand trickle down economics a lot better than adults do. Excuse me, I think I have to pee.

Did you know Dustin Hoffman is a crossdresser? Yeah, he looks like a Tootsie all right. We had to say goodbye to John Belushi and Princess Grace. I wonder if they have food fights in heaven.

Well, I have to go. I have the Hill Street Blues on. Phone home, will ya?

Event of the year: The Evil Empire is revealed to be Klingons

Fad: Being pissed at Reagan

Babe of the Year: Martha Quinn

Scandal of the Year: Venera lands on Venus and takes pictures. Venera charged with sexual harassment.

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Facts of Life

What we could have done without: Poison Tylenol

Pet of the year: Papa Smurf

Other Tidbits: Michael Jackson releases the Wall, I have a crush on Martha Quinn, Joe Montana wins the World Curling Championship on ESPN, USA Today is published as a diet soft drink, Argentina claims the Falkland Islands and invades Cambodia, Carlos the Jackal revealed as Merv Griffin, Lech Walesa released from prison, elected President of South Africa, Yassar Arafat elected Prime Minister of Israel, Brezhnev dies and is replaced by Pope John Paul I, AT&T is broken up into little bitty pieces, Dolly Parton busted for having the best little whorehouse in Texas, Khan! Khan!...

Well, I have to phone home because of some stupid alien. Isn't he so cute? Anyway here are my top twenty-five of 1982…

1)   Bruce Springsteen- Nebraska

2)   Translator-Heartbeats and Triggers

3)   Don Fagen- The Nightfly

4)  Elvis Costello- Imperial Bedroom

5)  Stray Cats- Built For Speed

6)  X- Under the Big Black Sun

7)  Flipper- Generic Flipper

8)  Roxy Music- Avalon

9)  Prince- 1999

10)  The Jam- The Gift

11)  The Gun Club- Miami

12)  Gang of Four- Songs of the Free

13)  REM- Chronic Town (EP)

14)  Midnight Oil-10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1

15)  Dead Kennedys- Plastic Surgery Disasters

16)  The Fall- Hex Induction Hour

17)  Mission of Burma- Vs.

18)  Richard and Linda Thompson- Shoot Out the Lights

19)  The Bangles- The Bangles (EP)

20)  The Clash- Combat Rock

21)  XTC- English Settlement

22)  Laurie Anderson- Big Science

23)  King Sunny Ade- Juju Music

24)  Sparks- Angst in My Pants

25)  Television Personalities- They Could Have Been Bigger Than the Beatles

My number one pick this year is an unusual choice. Springsteen isn’t really one of my favorite artists (nor do I dislike him), but Nebraska, with its stark acoustic theme, is hands down his best album and edges out Translator’s one great album for my favorite album of 1982. Translator also deserves special mention since overall they are a mediocre band at best. But Heartbeats is an exception. I can name at least three tracks on this folk rock influenced album that I would want to take with me to a deserted island. Fagen’s surprise comes in at number three (this is a year for surprises), while Elvis Costello (who makes a stunning comeback) and the Stray Cats (who are on fire this year) round out the top five. Highlights in the top ten include a great Flipper album and one of Prince’s funkier albums. REM and Midnight Oil, two of my favorite bands, make their debuts this year, while I continue to become a bigger fan of the Fall. Other interesting gems include Laurie Anderson ( an acquired taste to be sure but she was huge on the college station at Johns Hopkins at the time) and King Sunny Ade. Another one to give a chance too are the Waitresses in my Honorable Mentions.

Biggest Surprise- Don Fagen- The Nightfly

Let’s make this clear. I’m no Steely Dan fan. I mean they’re okay and all, but they’re really what I like to call ‘meh’ . And that’s what makes this such a big surprise. You see I had no reason to especially like this album, but this isn’t some Steely Dan version of jazz rock; this is just plain cool jazz and cool it is. I still love the hit from this album, New Frontier, to this day. That alone is better than he ever did with Steely Dan.

Biggest Disappointment- The Who- It’s Hard.

 No, I didn’t really expect that much from the Who minus the late Keith Moon, but it seems they were trying hard to be commercial with this album. I like Eminence Front well enough and this is a better album than Face Dances (which truly sucked). I guess the truth is, The Who, much as I love them, don’t do a lot for me after Who By Numbers. Even Who Are You is something of a disappointment for me. They really should have split up after that album instead of recruiting Kenny Jones (none of this which is his fault by the way).

Honorable Mention-  Peter Gabriel- Peter Gabriel, Fun Boy Three- Fun Boy Three, Ultravox- Quartet, George Clinton- Computer Games, The Waitresses- Wasn’t Tomorrow Wonderful?

Stinker of the Year-  L Ron Hubbard- Space Jazz.

Yes, the founder of scientology is a jazz enthusiast. Unfortunately Xenu wasn’t available, so he got musicians such as Chick Corea and Stanley Clarke to do his bidding for him, all under the direction of L. Ron Hubbard of course. It also happens to be the soundtrack to the book Battlefield Earth (if you like the book, you’ll love the movie). Just makes you want to become a Moonie.

And on that note, I’ll make my exit before the Scientologists get me. See you next time. :D

1981

Reach out and touch someone (that sounds kind of creepy).

The talking dog has transported me to 1981. I’m in this maze- it looks kind of dotty. It’s quiet except for all those annoying beeping sounds. Wait, that isn’t beeping; it’s a round monster that’s chomping everything in sight- and he’s after me- HELP! Don’t eat me, Pac Man, I’m not even that nutritious. Do you know too much fat can raise your cholesterol? Okay, that didn’t work; I’m not fat. Whew! A ghost got him.

There’s this group called the Moral Majority who really aren’t a majority at all. Still, they score six number one hits this year, I think. Somebody has Bette Davis’ eyes. I think she should give them back to her. Luke rapes Laura. Now they’re getting married (talk about creepy). There’s a wedding on TV, are Sonny and Cher getting back together? Nah, it’s just Charles and Diana- they can’t even sing. Then again, neither can Sonny.

They have this new network called MTV which stands for Michael The Viking or something. Some woman is getting physical and Andy Kaufmann is wrestling women. Better watch out, Andy; Pat Benatar is going to kick your ass.

And Uncle Walter is retiring. Well, that sucks. I hope he doesn’t leave on the Space Shuttle or join the Moonies or something. They should send Rather to do that.

Well, I have to catch a flight so see you next year. What do you mean he fired all the Air Traffic Controllers?

Event of the year:  The Space Shuttle launches and lands on the Moon

Fad:  Kicking Pacman machines

Babe of the Year: Wendy O Williams

Scandal of the Year: Joan Crawford goes berserk, attacks President Reagan with a wire hanger

Movie or TV show to barf to: CHiPS

What we could have done without: Luke and Laura

Pet of the year: John Hinckley

Other Tidbits: Rubik’s Cube invents the 8-ball, The Ayatollah thumbs his nose at Carter, ends up picking it, Reagan trades Daniel Ortega to Iran for the Iranian Hostages, wins the pennant, Michael Jackson marries Lisa Marie Presley in the Royal Wedding, Pat Benatar dares you to hit her with your best shot, Ronald Reagan fired as an air traffic controller, decides to invade Nicaragua instead, Muhammad Ali retires after losing to Mr. T, Anwar Sadat punches out his would be assassins, The London Marathon is run in Boston, The Aids virus is discovered in diet candy, Han Solo is mad and he carries a whip, Bette Davis gets her eyes back.

So what are my top twenty-fives this year? Well, compared to 1980, 1981 is kind of a downer. Maybe it’s the pall that was still lingering from Lennon’s death, who knows? Anyway, here goes…

1)  X- Wild Gift

2) Television Personalities- And Don’t the Kids Just Love It

3)  Gun Club- Fire of Love

4)  Heaven 17- Penthouse and Pavement

5)  The Undertones- Positive Touch

6)  Squeeze- East Side Story

7)  Ramones- Pleasant Dreams

8)  The Clash- Sandinista

9)  Milkshakes- Talkin’ Bout

10)  Black Uhuru- Red

11)  Soft Cell- Non-Stop Erotic Cafe

12)  Mission of Burma- Signals, Calls, and Marches

13)  Killing Joke- What’s This For

14)  The Cramps- Psychedelic Jungle

15)  Kraftwerk- Computer World

16)  Orchestral Manoevers in the Dark- Architecture and Morality

17)  The Dbs- Stands For Decibels

18)  Devo- New Traditionalists

19)  The Pretenders- Pretenders II

20)  Ultravox- Rage in Eden

21)  Split Enz- Waiata

22)  Au Pairs- Playing With a Different SEx

23)  Black Flag- Damaged

24)  Tom Tom Club- Tom Tom Club

25)  Bauhaus- Mask

I remember 1981 as being a bit of a bummer as it was the year after Lennon died, but the truth is, it was a damn good year for albums. X’s post punk classic tops my list this year. It has that late sixties vibe in it. My surprise gets the silver, while the post-punk Gun Club gets the bronze. She’s Like Heroin To Me still rings in my head. Heaven 17 surprises at number four and the Undertones round out the top five. Other top ten notables include a Ramones comeback and the retro sixties Milkshakes.

My list is dominated by post punk and some synthpop. Heaven 17 here reminds me of Violator era Depeche Mode while I might also note Mission of Burma and Black Flag on my list. Other gems include Soft Cell, The Tom Tom Club, and Bauhaus. I also want to mention Siouxsie in the Honorable Mentions. It was a close call as to whether to place her on the list but I ultimately went with Bauhaus. Still, Juju is a great album.

Biggest Surprise- Television Personalities- And Don’t the Kids Just Love It

This was an album I had to listen to on Spotify. I was expecting more goofiness in the vein of I Know Where Syd Barrett lives. What I got, was something more in the vein of twee pop, some of which I really like. They’re not the best singers and yet that only seems to enhance the songs, most of which are quite melodic. This was another album I kept edging up on my list until it ended up at number two. Great album.

Biggest Disappointment- Elvis Costello- Trust

Looking back, this is obviously a transitional album for Costello much like Station To Station was for Bowie. At the time I bought this new, I was coming off the heady albums of Armed Forces and Get Happy, so I was pretty disappointed to only really like a couple tracks (notably, Clubland) and even then they seemed a little forced as if Costello was going through the motions. This is also the same year he went country with Almost Blue so he may have been focusing his attentions on that. Anyway, the second Elvis has done better and will do better again.

Honorable Mention- Siouxsie and the Banshees- Juju, The Stranglers- The Gospel According To the Men in Black, New Order- Movement, Wipers- Youth of America, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers- Hard Promises

Stinker of the Year-  Mike Love- Looking Back With Love.

I don’t know if he was trying to prove he could make a better album than fellow Beach Boy Dennis Wilson, but I have news for you, Mikie, you can’t. Mike Love was the Beach Boy instrumental in trying to thwart Brain Wilson’s greatness (along with his own idiosyncrasies of course) and it shows on this album. And don’t forget Rockin the Man in the Boat, a wholesome song about masturbation.

Well, we’ve survived one year of Reagan while college rock begins to set in. We’ll hear some in the next few entries or so, so stay tuned. See you next time.

1980

Welcome to the eighties where everything is starting to get computerized, well, digital watches are anyway. Do you know it’s day whatever of the Iranian Hostage Crisis? Well, you should know; I mean it’s on TV all the time. Doesn’t Ted Koppel look just like Alfred E. Neumann? Meanwhile, the talking dog has to register for the draft because President Jimmy is mad at the Russians for invading Afghanistan. That’s okay, though, we’ll show them at the Olympics in Moscow this year.

Some guy named Ronnie is asking me if I’m  better off than I was four years ago? How would I know? I’m from 1891 for Bonzo’s sake. Meanwhile, there goes Jimmy again. Who shot JR? When after all it was you and me. Some jerk named Mark really screwed it up for the Beatles reunion. Thanks a lot, Mark, how’s Attica? Mean Joe Greene won’t give me his jersey, he’s so mean. It’s Mr. Bill getting sued, noooo!

Things are really solid over in Poland. Some bull is raging or something. Oh, yeah, they keep counting days on this show called Nightline or something. The hostages are still in Iran and are bigger than the Beatles who are bigger than… Okay, no more record burnings, geez!

Did anyone see that new show, Pink Lady and Jeff? That show will be on forever, isn’t that incredible? There’s some new scandal they’re calling Abscam. I thik it has something to do with some Senator not knowing how to recite the alphabet. No, Mr. Rubik, don’t throw that cube at me- ouch!

Do you have any Grey Poupon? Okay, I’ll stop now.

Event of the year: Bing Crosby relative shoots JR

Fad: Counting days in the Iranian Hostage Crisis

Babe of the Year: Lech Walesa

Scandal of the Year: Darth Vader revealed to be Luke’s father. Laura devastated.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Pink Lady and Jeff

What we could have done without: Killer Clowns

Pet of the year: Phyllis Schafly

Other Tidbits: Airplane Blow Up Pilot Doll killed in helicopter crash in Iran, US boycotts Moscow Olympics because Mark Spitz has retired, John Lennon kicks Mark David Chapman’s ass, There Ronald Reagan goes again, becomes Governor of California, Iran and Iraq have a soccer match, Wise men tell Brezhnev Russia will win the war in Afghanistan, John Anderson runs for President; nobody knows who he is, Prague Spring arrives in Poland, Mt. St. Helens erupts and her husband hides, Al Michaels confesses he doesn’t believe in miracles, John Wayne Gacy joins Ringling Brothers’ circus, Debbie Harry doesn’t do Dallas.

So here we go; the top Twenty-Five from the year 1 BR (Before Reagan)…

1)  The Clash- London Calling

2)  Elvis Costello- Get Happy

3)  Dead Kennedys- Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables

4)  The Jam- Sound Affects

5)  The Pretenders- Pretenders

6)  Split Enz- True Colours

7)  X- Los Angeles

8)  David Bowie- Scary Monsters

9)  XTC- Black Sea

10)  Echo and the Bunnymen- Crocodiles

11)  Talking Heads- Remain In Light

12)  B-52s- Wild Planet

13)  Siouxsie and the Banshees- Kaliedoscope

14)  John Lennon and Yoko Ono- Double Fantasy

15)  The Fall- Grotesque

16)  The Feelies- Crazy Rhythms

17)  Ultravox- Vienna

18)  U2- Boy

19)  Neil Young- Hawks and Doves

20)  The Specials- More Specials

21)  Human Sexual Response- Fig. 14

22)  The Romantics- The Romantics

23)  Devo- Freedom of Choice

24)  The Cure- Seventeen Seconds

25)  Bauhaus- In the Flat Field

Now aren’t you glad I held off on London Calling? It’s my number one of 1980 and easily the Clash’s best album. The Clash are still basically a punk band here but you can hear how they’ve grown as a unit as they begin to experiment with different sounds such as reggae which they’ll expand on in Sandinista. Elvis Costello goes Motown and has to settle for the silver this time. The Dead Kennedy’s blistering post-punk album gets the bronze, while the Jam’s best album and a brilliant debut by the Pretenders round out the top five. Really, the quality here is top notch with the Split Enz, X, and David Bowie following. XTC’s Black Sea is their best effort to date while other gems include The Feelies, another great Neil Young album, Human Sexual Response and, in the honorable mentions, Nervus Rex, admittedly a B-52’s wannabe group, but some pretty nice tracks on there. Also, I should note that 1980 is such a quality year, solid albums from artists like Motorhead and the Selecter couldn’t make the cut. (with the HM’s it’s basically a top 30 list).

Biggest Surprise- The Fall- Grotesque

 I don’t know if it’s really such a surprise as I do like some of the Fall’s material. But as decent as Live As the Witch Trials was, Grotesque is even better. This is noise rock at its best. It starts off with the anarchic Pay Your Rates and never lets up. May be my second favorite Fall album next to This Nation’s Savings Grace.

Biggest Disappointment- The Romantics- National Breakout.

Early this year, they released a solid record of power pop tunes such as What I Like About You and Tell It To Carrie so it was kind of a disappointment when they released their follow up in December. Basically, they sound like they’re going through the motions. At least the Knack were trying to keep their energy up with their pathetic follow up. These guys, though, we’re acting as if they were content because they had made it. It would get worse with 1983’s In Heat. Yeah I’d be Talking in My Sleep too if I had to hear that song again.

Honorable Mention- Polyrock- Polyrock, Nervus Rex- Nervus Rex,  English Beat- I Just Can’t Stop It, Tom Waits- Heartattack and Vine, The Cramps- Songs the Lord Taught Us.

Stinker of the Year-  The Chipmunks- Chipmunk Punk

And here it is, the one you’ve all been waiting for. Yes, I knew it; Linda Rondstadt was a punk rocker. And so was Billy Joel. That’s true, Billy secretly wore a safety pin through his cheek every night in bed. That’s why Christie divorced him. Hey, at least the Knack benefitted from it since by 1980 they were already washed up. Half the songs on the album are Knack covers including a screaming rendition of My Sharona (AAAAGH!)

So here we are in the Eighties. Lennon is dead and Reagan is about to take over. Cheers everyone.

See you next time.

1979

I’m now transported to the year 1979 where everyone in Harrisburg is getting excited. They’re all going to be glowing in the dark if that nuclear power plant on that island melts down. Some guy that calls himself Ayatollah something melts down and holds a bunch of people hostage. President Jimmy isn’t very happy and he huffs and puffs and does nothing. Merry Christmas.

Everybody is roller discoing to Le Freak by the Village People. I hear the Village People are Anita Bryant’s favorite group. I try out for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders but they tell me I’m too young; I should join the Raiderettes instead. No, talking dog, she isn’t your Sharona, she’s My Sharona. Okay, so it isn’t my Sharona either.

There’s a new sound they’re calling New Wave. Is that like Old Wave, only newer? What are they going to call New Wave when it’s old? Blondie?

One of the big movies this year is Apocalypse Now because I love the smell of  Napalm in the morning. Actually, I like Citrus Scent  better. That reminds me; what is that purple stuff they keep talking about in those commercials? I hope it isn’t that new laundry detergent.

The Blues Brothers are the biggest thing since the Rutles. I hope Elwood doesn’t take his shades off. I hear he looks just like Dan Aykroyd but the talking dog is probably high on Liv-a-Snaps again, ruff, ruff.

I’m going to take my Mr. Microphone and go home. Meanwhile, here are my top twenty-five of 1979.

Event of the year: Disco Demolition Night: Chicago is burned to the ground.

Fad: Bomb shelters are back

Babe of the Year: The bald headed chick in the Star Trek movie.

Scandal of the Year: Miss Piggy cuts Kermit the Frog’s legs off

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Love Boat

What we could have done without: Roller Disco

Pet of the year: The Shah of Iran

Other Tidbits: USSR invades Afghanistan but forgets to bring weapons, Margaret Thatcher becomes Britain PM, promises milk for all, ESPN launches; curling becomes the national sport, Three Mile Island plant explodes in China, The Shah is overthrown in Iran, the Ayatollah hosts 52 American Guests, Saddam Hussein takes over Iraq, is most beloved world leader since Stalin, Idi Amin is deposed and signs a five year contract with the Philadelphia 76ers, It snows in the Sahara, Astronomers discover that Saturn has rings, Marlon Brando found mad in a Vietnam jungle, says he loves the smell of napalm in the morning, everyone says Steve Martin is a jerk.

Musically it was mostly New Wave for me. There’s a little Classic Rock on this list. Well, no, it’s pretty much New Wave.

Anyhoo, here is the top twenty-five of 1979.

1)  Elvis Costello- Armed Forces

2)  The B-52s – The B-52s

3)  David Bowie- Lodger

4)  Blondie- Eat To the Beat

5)  The Specials- The Specials

6)  Pink Floyd- The Wall

7)  Devo- Duty Now For the Future

8)  Joy Division- Unknown Pleasures

9)  Neil Young and Crazy Horse- Rust Never Sleeps

10)  XTC- Drums and Wires

11)  The Undertones- The Undertones

12)  The Police- Outlandos D’Amour

13)  Frank Zappa- Joe’s Garage Acts I, II, and III

14) The Cure- Three Imaginary Boys

15)  Graham Parker and the Rumour- Squeezing Out Sparks

16)  Joe Jackson- Look Sharp

17)  Wire- 154

18)  Gang of Four- Entertainment

19)  Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers- Damn the Torpedoes

20)  Talking Heads- Fear of Music

21)  The Last- LA Explosion

22)  The Fall- Live at the Witch Trials

23)  Siouxsie and the Banshees- Join Hands

24)  Buzzcocks- A Different Kind of Tension

25)  The Soft Boys- A Can of Bees

Elvis Costello again gets the gold ring with what is my other favorite album by him. Accidents Will Happen, which opens the album, is my favorite all time Costello song, and the other tracks show how he has grown in three short years. The B-52s get the silver with their fun debut album. Rock Lobster is another favorite of mine. Bowie’s best album since Alladin Sane comes in at three while Blondie and the Specials (another recommendation for ska fans) round out the top five. I put The Wall in at number six while other gems includes the dark Joy Division, a great pop effort by the Undertones, The Cure, and The Soft Boys at twenty-five. I didn’t put London Calling on this twenty-five because I always associated it with 1980, so you’ll see the Clash next year. As it is, I had to leave some pretty good albums out of this twenty-five and HMs (The Police and Marianne Faithful miss the cut).1979 was that good a year.

Biggest Surprise- Frank Zappa- Joe’s Garage Acts I, II, and III

I really love early Zappa. He tails off a little after Zoot Allures, but this album, set in a three part suite and actually released on two different albums, really is a standout. I guess in a sense this is a rock opera the only way Frank Zappa could do one. It’s typically goofy as Zappa records tend to be. It’s a mixture of comical genius and impeccable musicianship. It’s quite an enjoyable listen.

Also check out the Last and LA Explosion. This is probably the closest thing you’ll ever get to folk rock punk. Cool album.

Biggest Disappointment-  Patti Smith- Wave.

This despite my all time favorite Patti Smith song, Dancing Barefoot, being on it. That’s about it, though. Her other known songs on the album, Frederick, and the Byrds’ cover, So You Want To Be a Rock n Roll Star, are meh at best and the other tracks aren’t any better. So, yeah, after three incredible albums, the fourth one is kind of a disappointment.

Honorable Mentions-  The Raincoats- The Raincoats, The Damned- Machine Gun Etiquette, Gary Numan and Tubeway Army- Replicas, Squeeze- Cool For Cats, The Flying Lizards- The Flying Lizards.

Stinker of the Year-  Ethel Merman- The Ethel Merman Disco Album.

Yeah, this one’s a classic. Ethel Merman sings show tunes to disco. I wonder if anyone ever noticed that Ethel sings about as well as Mrs. Miller. There’s No Business Like Show Business is a real show stopper, literally. Well, she always fancied herself as a comedienne.

So there goes another decade. Only four more to go (most of four anyway, 38 years to be exact- god I’m old). Anyway, see you next time.

1978

Here I am in the year 1978 and what a strange year it is. Kool-Aid is the most popular drink in some hippie commune they call Jonestown. Boy, I’m not drinking their Kool-Aid; it might make me sick. They have three popes this year. How are they going to share the Vatican? I hope they don’t fight over the bathroom.

Everybody is Devo this year for some reason. California passes a proposition. Now you don’t have to pay property tax but the government doesn’t have to fill your pot holes either. Well, that isn’t fair. There’s an epidemic worse than the Swine Flu vaccine; they call it Saturday Night Fever. That gives me the Bee Gees (okay, stop groaning). Food fights are big this year. Billy Martin gets fired by the New York Yankees six or eight times this year. And they only rehired him once. Oh, and Grease is the word, is the word, is the word…

They put Susan B. Anthony on the silver dollar. They try to notify her but it turns out she’s dead. Well no one told me and I just saw her two years ago- in 1891. Talking dog, why don’t you tell me these things? I swear I’m going to trade him in for Benji.

Well, I guess it’s time to cover the best of 1978. How come I don’t look like Cheryl Tiegs?

Event of the year: Jim Jones warns his followers to stop drinking the Kool-Aid

Fad: Dying Popes

Babe of the Year: Miss Piggy

Scandal of the Year: Jack Tripper caught in a three way with Janet and Chrissy

Movie or TV show to barf to: Donny and Marie (neither are a little bit Rock  Roll)

What we could have done without: The Neutron Bomb (kills people but keeps building intact)

Pet of the year: Mork from Ork

Other Tidbits: Sadat and Begin sign the Camp David Accords and agree to tolerate each other, Scientists conclude kissing someone’s grits is gross, Roman Polanski flees to France to join the Foreign Legion, Camp David signs an accord and wins the Nobel Peace Prize, The Supreme Court declares food fights legal, Sean Penn assassinated in San Francisco by a man with a Twinkie, The Bee Gees meet up with the Maharishi, John Travolta joins the Moonies, Experts conclude that the Fonz is a dork, Eight is enough because nine is too much, Baba Wawa is mad at Gilda Radner.

Musically, it’s a banner year for New Wave and Punk. I’m excited, aren’t you? Tough, here’s my list…

1)  Elvis Costello- This Year’s Model

2)  Devo- Are We Not Men?

3)  Patti Smith- Easter

4) X-Ray Spex- Germ Free Adolescent

5)  Talking Heads- More Songs About Buildings and Food

6) Ramones- Road To Ruin

7)  Blondie- Parallel Lines

8)  Marvin Gaye- Here, My Dear

9)  Wire- Chairs Missing

10)  The Adverts- Crossing the Red Sea With the Adverts

11)  The Jam- All Mod Cons

12)  The Rolling Stones- Some Girls

13)  Funkadelic- One Nation Under a Groove

14)  Queen- Jazz

15)  The Clash- Give Em Enough Rope

16)  Kate Bush- The Kick Inside

17)  Dave Edmunds- Tracks on Wax

18)  Generation X- Generation X

19)  The Rutles- The Rutles

20)  Be Bop Deluxe- Drastic Plastic

21)  Bruce Springsteen- Darkness on the End of Town

22)  Buzzcocks- Love Bites

23)  Neil Young- Comes a Time

24)  Tom Robinson Band- Power in the Darkness

25)  Ultravox- Systems of Romance

There is a new Elvis in town and his last name isn’t Presley. This time, he holds the top spot with his Attractions with a sixties driven keyboard sound. This Year’s Model is perhaps his best album or at least one of his two best (see next year). Devo’s demented Are We Not Men takes the silver with a version of Satisfaction that I think is superior to the Stones’ version (no tomatoes, please). Patti Smith gets the bronze, while my biggest surprise and the Talking Heads round out the top five. There are some other neat gems on this list such as Marvin Gaye’s album that he had to make from a divorce settlement. Surprisingly, he didn’t do his own version of Metal Machine Music and it’s one of his best efforts. Other albums that impress me include the Adverts, Dave Edmunds’ best album (and very rockabilly), The Rutles (yeah, I know it’s a spoof on the Beatles but the songs really are good), and the Buzzcocks.

Biggest Surprise- X-Ray Spex- Germfree Adolescent

 I was going to say Marvin Gaye’s album which was actually a result of a divorce settlement, but then I heard in its entirety a band of which I had only been familiar with Up Bondage, Up Yours. These guys (and a girl) predated Romeo Void with the driving guitars and the sax in the background, and they did it a lot better. First I knew they’d be on the chart, then in the top ten, and finally, I decided to settle them in at number four. And the World That Turned Day Glo isn’t even their best song. Love this album.

Biggest Disappointment- Blondie- Plastic Letters.

A true disappointment. Sandwiched between their great debut album and the solid Parallel Lines, you have this borefest. The best songs are (I’m Touched By Your) Presence Dear (good) and a cover of Denis (meh). The rest of the album just doesn’t do it for me. Debbie Harry is a fox though, isn’t she ?(stop salivating, talking dog).

Honorable Mention- The Shirts- The Shirts, Alan Parson’s Project- Pyramid, The Cars- The Cars, Tom Waits- Blue Valentine, Boomtown Rats- A Tonic For the Troops

Stinker of the Year-  The Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band Soundtrack.

I don’t think I have to persuade too many people with this pick. It’s apparently pretty hard to cover the Beatles well anyway as only a few have done it. The Bee Gees and Peter Frampton certainly weren’t two of them.

Well that’s it for this year. See you next time as the seventies come to a close.

1977

The talking dog has transported me to 1977. What a weird world over in England. All these kids have safety pins in their cheeks. I think they’re protesting the use of Pampers or something.

They’re talking about this movie called Star Wars. It stars a giant dog named Chewbacca. The talking dog wants to beat him up because he likes Lassie. They forgot to tell him Lassie is really a boy. Jimmy Carter is the President of the United States- boy does he have teeth. Some guy named Reggie Jackson changes his name to Mr. October, I guess because Mr. May wasn’t available. Did you know Gary Gilmore has eyes, well, he did anyway.

Oh, and there’s this beauty queen who sells orange juice. She doesn’t like people who like, um, other people. Some prankster shoved a pie in her face. Now she has to sell lemon meringue pie cause she can’t sell orange juice anymore. Meanwhile, she has started a revolution and soon, most people will be okay with people liking other people. She should be proud (or is it horrified?).

It’s the summer that the lights go out in New York City. I heard it was caused by Sam’s son. Sam isn’t very proud. I wonder what Daughter of Sam would do?

And watch out or they might drop the neutron bomb. That wouldn’t be nice but at least my Barbie playhouse won’t be destroyed. The talking dog, on the other hand…

And if I hear You Light Up My Life one more time, I’m going to hurl on the talking dog.

Event of the year: Elvis Presley disappears and is later found at a 7-11 near you.

Fad:  Cheek piercing

Babe of the Year: Anita Bryant with a pie in her face

Scandal of the Year: Fonzie jumps the shark

Movie or TV show to barf to: Hardy Boys/ Nancy Drew Mysteries

What we could have done without: You Light Up My Life

Pet of the year: Chewbacca 

Other Tidbits: Son of Sam causes New York Blackout, Son of Steve punches him out, Reggie Jackson invents candy bars, Jimmy Carter (who’s not one) proves only a prick should be President, Sadat meets Begin and tolerate each other, Darth Vader tops the FBI Most Wanted List, Roman Polanski is arrested for molesting Rosemary’s baby, Decca turns down the Sex Pistols, they release Please Please Me next year, Kunte Kinte leads the Selma to Montgomery March, Elvis Costello has left the building, Charlie’s Angels join SWAT, Dean Martin gets roasted; Frank Sinatra arrested for cannibalism.

The top twenty five is picking up again and we have some real gems this year. So let’s get started…

1)  The Sex Pistols- Never Mind the Bollocks Here Are the Sex Pistols

2)  Blondie- Blondie

3)  The Ramones- Rocket To Russia

4)  Television- Marquee Moon

5)  The Ramones- Leave Home

6)  Elvis Costello- My Aim Is True

7)  David Bowie- Low

8)  The Damned- Damned, Damned, Damned

9)  Queen- News of the World

10)  Wire- Pink Flag

11)  The Jam- In the City

12)  The Clash- The Clash

13)  Suicide- Suicide

14)  Iggy Pop- Lust For Life

15)  David Bowie- Heroes

16)  Bob Marley- Exodus

17)  Talking Heads- Talking Heads ‘77’

18)  The Jam- This Is the Modern World

19)  Ultravox- Ha! Ha! Ha!

20)  Eno- Before and After Science

21)  The Saints- (I’m) Stranded

22)  Kraftwerk- Trans Europe Express

23)  Electric Light Orchestra- Out of the Blue

24)  The Real Kids- The Real Kids

25)  Dennis Wilson- Pacific Ocean Blue.

Yes, Punk Rock has taken over the charts (well, my charts anyway), and the Sex Pistols lead the charge with their one real effort (I’m not counting the Great Rock n Roll Swindle). They edge out Blondie who came out with their debut (and best) album. The Ramones land two in the top five while Television’s landmark Marquee Moon is sandwiched in between at four. Costello’s debut is a good one, but it will be his later farfisa driven work that will really wow me. Bowie scores with two solid albums from his electronic era. Punk efforts by the Jam, Clash, and the Saints score on my chart. Must listen albums also include Wire and Suicide.

Biggest Surprise- The Damned- Damned, Damned, Damned.

Don’t get me wrong. I do like the Damned, but I was thinking they did a few great tracks and the albums were more or less throwaways. Of course I was wrong as usual. I love how they are melodic at parts. They know how to mix pure punk with a little bit of, shall I say it, a little bit of sixties style garage. I love this album.

Biggest Disappointment-  Pink Floyd- Animals.

 I know, there are a lot of people who like this album, but I see this as a group trying to find direction in between Wish You Were Here and the Wall. It’s not a bad album, mind you. It just doesn’t seem to reach the heights of their great albums like Piper and Dark Side. Maybe I had expected another Dark Side. In any event, I’d have to give this one a meh.

Honorable Mention-  Ultravox- Ultravox!, Alan Parsons Project- I Robot, The Stranglers- Rattis Norvegicus, Iggy Pop- The Idiot, Neil Young- American Stars and Bars

Stinker of the Year-  (Tie) Allmann and Woman- Two the Hard Way, David Ingles- Satan Has Been Paralyzed

We have another tie, yay! First, the better known of the two. Cher and Gregg Allmann had a celebrated marriage that lasted about two hours give or take fifteen minutes.  Their, um, album starts off with them doing a disco duet. Yeah, I’m sure Gregg lived that one down. And of course there’s always that enlightened album title as if Gregg was some sort of caveman. I could have seen Cher beating Allmann on his head with the album for that one.

On the other album, the children’s puppet show is back as they gleefully sing that Satan has been paralyzed, praise Jesus. Yeah, I’m sure that made Jesus feel warm all over going out paralyzing souls (even evil ones) and knocking their teeth out. Boy, that sure converted me.

Well, another year goes down the drain. See you next time with my top twenty-five from 1978.

1976

The talking dog has transported me to the year 1976 right in the middle of some flotilla off New York Harbor. What is this bicentennial anyway? It just looks like a bunch of fireworks to me. Wait, they’re coming at me- OUCH! Jeepers, fireworks hurt!

So here we are in the bicentennial. The Six Million Dollar Man is the hottest thing on TV. Too bad he’s only worth a buck ninety-five (sorry, that was too easy). Actually, the hottest thing on TV is the Fonz who is basically this middle aged man pretending to be James Dean. The teenyboppers love him. Maybe he’ll record an album or something. Okay, maybe he won’t. They’re all listening to something called CB radio. Breaker, breaker, one nine. What exactly is a breaker anyway? I know trains have brakers back home. They have engineers too, aren’t the 1890s great?

Everybody is wearing some wedge hairdo Dorothy Hamill invented, even the guys. And Caitlin, I mean, Bruce Jenner wins the decathlon at the Montreal Olympics. Aren’t Wheaties great? And Rocky Balboa was robbed. He should have beaten Ali (or was that Apollo Creed?- I get all these boxers confused).

Well, I guess I better do my favorite albums of 1976 before I get Swine Flu. Make sure you get your vaccine; there aren’t many risks this year, trust me :D

Event of the year: Raid on Entebbe; Idi Amin becomes a pop star.

Fad: Peanut farming

Babe of the Year: Horshack

Scandal of the Year: Laverne and Shirley don’t like each other

Movie or TV show to barf to: Little House on the Prarie

What we could have done without: Silly Love Songs

Pet of the year: Fonzie

Other Tidbits: Howard Beale is mad as Hell and he’s not going to take it anymore, Brezhnev announces there is no American domination of Western Europe, Jimmy Carter lusts after women and gets elected anyway, America celebrates the 200^th anniversary of the cotton gin, Johnny Rotten talks dirty, Rocky Balboa defeats Muhammad Ali for the Heavyweight Title, Francisco Franco still dead, The Beatles reunite on Saturday Night Live and don’t pay Ringo, The Rolling Stones go disco and cause a riot at Altamont, Nadia Comaneci is too young for you, perv, Viking lands on Mars; dies of radiation poisoning, Are you looking at me? No, I’m not a disco duck.

I don’t know, but I’m starting to see some punk rock here in what is otherwise a pretty dismal year. Anyway, here we go…

(shake some action)

1) Flamin’ Groovies- Shake Some Action

2)  Patti Smith- Radio Ethiopia

3)  The Ramones- Ramones

4)  Stevie Wonder- Songs in the Key of Life

5)  Bob Dylan- Desire

6)  Tom Waits- Small Change

7)  Elvis Presley- The Sun Sessions

8)  Queen- A Day at the Races

9)  The Runaways- The Runaways

10)  The Residents- Third Reich and Roll

11)  Phil Ochs- Chords of Fame

12)  Klaatu- 3:47 EST

13)  10cc- How Dare You

14)  Dwight Twilley Band- Sincerely

15)  Aerosmith- Rocks

16)  Penguin Café Orchestra- Music From the Penguin Cafe

17)  Parliament- The Clones of Dr Funkenstein

18)  Marvin Gaye- I Want You

19)  Eddie and the Hot Rods- Teenage Depression

20)  Graham Parker and the Rumour- Heat Treatment

21)  Electric Light Orchestra- A New World Record

22)  Frank Zappa- Zoot Allures

23)  Sparks- Big Beat

24)  Steely Dan- The Royal Scam

25)  David Bowie- Station To Station

Few years rate as bizarre as this one. I had to choose from the early punk that I really love to some AOR rock that I guess I can tolerate. It’s bad when you’re considering placing an album that features Silly Love Songs on it. Anyway, there are some gems starting with number one. Shake Some Action, to me, is better than the Flamin’ Groovies’ acclaimed Teenage Head. It’s very retro British Invasion and, to me, it sounds quite authentic. Patti Smith goes full blown punk with her second effort and she gets the silver. Then it’s followed by the Ramones, Stevie Wonder, and Bob Dylan’s last great album, at least for a while. I also think Tom Waits’ collection of drunken ballads so to speak is quite impressive . I threw two retrospective albums in here as well (something I don’t normally do) but Elvis’ Sun Sessions do deserve to be on here somewhere and Phil Ochs tragically died this year. Klattu is an interesting entry as there was a rumor they were actually the reunited Beatles. The album stands out well on its own as it turns out. The Penguin Café gets in by way of the album club of a forum I technically belong to, I probably would not thought of this album otherwise. In the Honorable Mentions, check out Raw Power by Strange. It’s Terry Brooks’ second effort and it’s quite a spacey piece of psychedelia even if it does sound a little amateurish. It’s early DIY to be sure.

Biggest Surprise- The Residents- Third Reich and Roll.

Let’s face it; either these guys are either at the top of your list, or one of your stinkers. There really is no in between. For me, I guess it’s the former. On this album they are skewering the oldies essentially. No doubt Dick Clark was very impressed with the drawing of him wearing a swastika armband. Yes, it’s very avant-garde, but a pleasant diversion in what was the teenage wasteland that was 1976.

Biggest Disappointment-  Led Zeppelin- Presence.

I guess it had to be expected. Led Zeppelin had been making quality albums since 1969 so I guess they were due for a bomb. It seems uninspired more than anything else. I guess I could have put in Wings At the Speed of Sound, but the truth is, if you take away the insipid Silly Love Songs, it isn’t really that bad of an album.

So, disappointment it is for Led Zeppelin. I’ll listen to Physical Graffiti instead :D.

Honorable Mention- Heart- Dreamboat Annie, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Crack the Sky- Animal Notes, Strange- Raw Power, Manfred Mann’s Earth Band- The Roaring Silence.

Stinker of the Year-  Mr. Big- Photographic Smile.

This is one I actually remember. They shouldn’t be confused with the early nineties hard rock band that was about as equally bad. I think this was a UK band who basically was trying to mix arena rock with , um, Chinese music. The first tracks almost even sound a little offensive, though I doubt that was their intent. Whatever the case, perhaps they should try something a little less risky, like playing their instruments while bungee jumping.

And thus the bicentennial ends. Stay tuned for next week as things get a little punky and I’m not talking about Punky Brewster.

 

1975

The talking dog has transported me to 1975 where everyone has a pet rock, proving once and for all, that humans are gullible enough to buy anything. Children also are guaranteed they will never again have cavities with the invention of Pop Rocks- mainly because they'll have no teeth. Some guy named Chevy (why do they have to name him after a car?) is making fun of President Jerry, maybe because he doesn’t want you to drive a Ford. I want a Yugo myself. This guy named Franco keeps dying only to come back to life. I think he might be a zombie or something. They shoot at President Jerry twice, one of them is married to Charles Manson or something. I think she might be a mouse.

They’re doing this dance called the Hustle. And just in time too because they have to hustle out of Vietnam by drowning all their helicopters. And they wonder why the US budget is so bloated. Meanwhile, President Jerry tells New York to drop dead. That wasn’t nice.

And now everyone has to watch out for a giant shark that’s eating teenagers off Long Island. Maybe they should feed him Pop Rocks or at least Pop Tarts. Just don’t feed him Pop; he’s too gristly.

Well, enjoy my top twenty-five while I hang out at the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Riff Raff really needs a haircut.

Event of the year: James Hoffa is buried under thirty-two homes in Michigan.

Fad:  Petting rocks

Babe of the Year: Squeaky Fromme

Scandal of the Year: Mary Tyler Moore arrested for murdering Chuckles the Clown

Movie or TV show to barf to: Saturday Night Live with Howard Cosell

What we could have done without: Bruce Springsteen hype before anyone even heard of him

Pet of the year: Jaws

Other Tidbits: Saigon falls; is renamed Sun Myung Moon City, We learn that he’s Chevy Chase and we’re not, President Ford tells New York City to drop dead; it does, The Cod War: Angry fish invade Iceland, Francisco Franco becomes a zombie, Patty Hearst captured, stars in a John Waters movie (true), NASA sends a Minnesota Viking to Mars; he doesn’t eat purple people, The Bay City Rollers learn how to spell S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y, four guys in theatrical makeup become rock’s biggest sensations; they’re known as Aerosmith, down goes Frazier, President Ford survives two assassinations and gets into a car accident (also true), also becomes Chevy Chase’s bitch.

And with that, here we go with 1975…

1)  Patti Smith- Horses

2)  Bob Dylan- Blood on the Tracks

3)  Queen- A Night at the Opera

4)  Pink Floyd- Wish You Were Here

5)  Led Zeppelin- Physical Graffiti

6)  Electric Light Orchestra- Face the Music

7)  Curtis Mayfield- There’s No Place Like America Today

8)  Pavlov’s Dog- Pampered Menial

9)  Neil Young and Crazy Horse- Zuma

10)  Parliament- Mothership Connection

11)  Joni Mitchell- The Hissing of Summer Lawns

12)  Eno- Another Green World

13)  Elton John- Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy

14)  Bruce Springsteen- Born To Run

15)  Split Enz- Mental Notes

16)  Paul Simon- Still Crazy After All These Years

17)  Paul McCartney and Wings- Venus and Mars

18)  Crack the Sky- Crack the Sky

19)  Parliament- Chocolate City

20)  Roxy Music- Siren

21)  Bob Dylan and the Band- The Basement Tapes

22)  Dr. Feelgood- Malpractice

23)  The Who- The Who By Numbers

24)  Burning Spear- Marcus Garvey

25)  10cc- The Original Soundtrack.

The year ends with two powerhouse albums that probably identify better with 1976. Queen’s Night at the Opera, known for Bohemian Rhapsody of course, came out late this year while the number one album, Patti Smith’s Horses, ushered in many ways the American Punk movement though she considered herself a poet more than anything else. In between is a classic Bob Dylan album, a comeback of sorts for him. Two classic bands, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin, round out the top five. Other highlights include another great Curtis Mayfield album, Pavlov’s Dog, Neil Young and Crazy Horse, two funky entries by Parlaiment, and Dr. Feelgood

I also have to mention Crack the Sky, probably not the best known of bands, but they were huge in the Baltimore area in my teen years. They were the opening act at my first concert ever in 1976 (Frank Zappa was the main attraction). I’d see them on a couple more occasions as well. They put out a few quite good albums in the mid to late seventies into the early eighties but their debut remains the best of the bunch.

Biggest Surprise- Split Enz- Mental Notes.

This kind of plays like Peter Gabriel era Genesis maybe with a little less of the pomp. Split Enz pre True Colours is perhaps an acquired taste and I wasn’t expecting to be taken by this album, and yet I was. I was taken enough to bump Pavlov’s Dog as my biggest surprise (even though they rate a little higher overall).

Biggest Disappointment- David Bowie- Young Americans.

Maybe it’s because I was expecting another Ziggy Stardust album, but the truth is, white soul is not David Bowie’s forte. Yeah, there is Fame which is as good as anything he’s done, but the rest of the album falls flat for me. He’ll get into his second wind starting with Low but, to me, 1975 and 1976 are pretty lean years for the Thin White Duke.

Honorable Mention-  Dictators- Go Girl Crazy, John Cale- Helen of Troy, Phil Ochs- Gunfight at Carnegie Hall, Aerosmith- Toys in the Attic, Dave Edmunds- Subtle as a Flying Mallet

Stinker of the Year-  Lou Reed- Metal Machine Music

Some people actually like this album. It is the one stinker that was actually intended to be. See, Lou Reed was having contractual problems with RCA and was forced to record another album. So he came up with this stinker. Basically it’s all one chord and loud guitars. It makes you wonder if Lou Reed went deaf while doing this. The amazing thing is RCA actually released it. So yes, this is a stinker, but it is also one of the great F*** you’s in the history of rock. I salute you, Lou.

And another year goes by the wayside. We’re only forty-two years away from the end (God, rock is old). Anyhow stay tuned as we get into our Bicentennial Year (in the USA of course) later this week. See you then.

1974

Tastes great. Less filling

I’m now in the year 1974 where everybody is running around naked. What’s wrong with these people? Haven’t they heard of an ancient invention known as clothes? Hey, is that Marlon Brando? Put some clothes on, you’re not the Godfather anymore, Al Pacino is. Or is it Robert DeNiro? I’m so confused.

Some socialite named Patty gets kidnapped. Then she robs a bank. Then she does a centerfold for Playboy- okay, so she didn’t, can’t I make anything up? Some guy named Hank Aaron breaks Babe Ruth’s record. Boy, Hank is clumsy. At least he didn’t break Babe’s other toys.

We have a new President named Jerry who says our long national nightmare is over so we can wake up and eat breakfast. Oh, yeah, we have to put out the trash too; pardon us, Jerry.

They have this detective running around New York with no hair. He’s chasing some vigilante who has some sort of death wish or something. Meanwhile, ABC has the big new hit of the year called Happy Days. I didn’t know men had long hair in 1956. Everybody is Kung Fu Fighting and I guess it’s time to go to bed. Good night, John Boy.

Good night, Dick J

Event of the year: Richard Nixon tells them to sock it to him; they do.

Fad: Kung Fu Fighting

Babe of the Year: Patty Hearst

Scandal of the Year: Ray Stevens caught streaking

Movie or TV show to barf to: Super Friends

What we could have done without: Having My Baby by Paul Anka

Pet of the year: Leatherface

Other Tidbits: Richard Nixon says he’s mad and he’s not going to take it anymore and resigns as the Pope, President Ford proclaims his national nightmare is over and who the hell woke him up, Evel Knievel jumps over a snake and gets bitten, Muhammad Ali rumbles and George Foreman starts a grill business, Ford Pardons Nixon after he’s bumped into at Macy’s, Ford lowers the speed limit to twelve, Patricia Hearst kidnapped so she can rob a bank, India gets the bomb and invades the Hole of Calcutta, John Lennon gets lost during the weekend, Sonny and Cher split; Cher marries Gregg Allmann, Sonny doesn’t join the Moonies, we had joy, we had fun…

The quality starts to go down for me a little this year but there are still some great gems so let’s get started, shall we?...

1) Richard and Linda Thompson- I Want To See the Bright Lights Tonight

2)  Roxy Music- Country Life

3)  Electric Light Orchestra- Eldorado

4)  David Bowie- Diamond Dogs

5)  Big Star- Radio City

6)  Eno- Here Come the Warm Jets

7)  Sparks- Kimono My House

8)  John Lennon- Walls and Bridges

9)  Queen- Sheer Heart Attack

10)  New York Dolls- Too Much Too Soon

11)  Eric Clapton- 461 Ocean Boulevard

12)  King Crimson -Red

13)  The Rolling Stones- It’s Only Rock n Roll

14)  Eno- Taking Tiger Mountain By Strategy

15)  Neil Young- On the Beach

16)  Bob Marley and the Wailers- Natty Dread

17)  Leonard Cohen- New Skin For Old Ceremony

18)  Stevie Wonder- Fulfillingness First Finale

19)  Frank Zappa- Apostrophe

20)   Kraftwerk- Autobahn

21)  John Cale- Fear

22)  Queen- Queen II

23)  Suzi Quatro- Quatro

24)  Joni Mitchell- Court and Spark

25)  The Residents- Meet the Residents

This is kind of a hybrid year as we get out of glam rock and hear the early rumblings of punk. In the US, this begins the period of a real teenage wasteland as teens are being spoon fed the likes of Kiss, Foreigner, and disco music in general.

There are still some great gems on here though starting with the top. Richard Thompson was a former member of Fairport Convention and, with his wife, score with my favorite album of 1974. It’s a perfect blend of folk and electric music. At number two, is my favorite Roxy Music album. I remember hearing this on college radio as a kid and I finally bought the album a few years later. It’s still one of my go to albums of the seventies. ELO comes up with their best LP this year and David Bowie is still going strong. Big Star rounds out the top five with Radio City and I wonder how Alex Chilton was able to evolve to this from the Box Tops. Sparks comes up with the wacky Kimono My House, while Lennon makes a comeback of sorts in between his long weekend. Eno makes his departure from Roxy Music count with his first two offerings. Other gems include yet another Rolling Stones comeback, Frank Zappa, Kraftwerk, and the ever so demented Residents who no doubt wowed the teen girls at Omaha airport or wherever it was they invaded

Biggest Surprise- New York Dolls- Too Much Too Soon.

This album was sort of panned at the time, but time has been kind to this album. It’s not quite the classic like the debut album is but it’s still a pretty damn good piece of work.

Biggest Disappointment- Van Morrison- Veedon Fleece.

 I generally like Van Morrison but he is an acquired taste, and this album is just plain boring. The critics may love this album but I sure don’t.

Honorable Mention-  Tom Waits- The Heart of Saturday Night, Rush- Rush, Elton John- Caribou, Johnny Cash- Ragged Old Flag, 10cc- Sheet Music

Stinker of the Year-  The Osmonds- Love Me For a Reason

Well, it is the Osmonds. At least this is before Marie was a little bit country and Donny, well, he just sucked. Of course this is a year for bad music in general. I mean I could have done Reunion or Terry Jacks  or (barf) Paul Anka’s Having My Baby.

But I went with this one as a lifetime achievement award. No one sucked as consistently as the Osmonds did in the seventies and I had to put them somewhere.

And so it’s goodbye Nixon, Hello Ford. See you next time when we delve into 1975.