2017

FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS! President Trump is God, FAKE NEWS!

And here I am finally transported to the year 2017 in what is the first year AT (After Trump). Actually it’s during Trump but , oh those semantics.

And what a year we have. Sexual misconduct charges are the latest fad since hula hoops. Watch as careers disintegrate at the blink of an eye, Kevin Spacey, Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer, Donald Trump… okay, well not him.

Of course there are other things going this year as Kim Jong Un is taunting the Donald and the Donald threatens to flatten North Korea. Of course China may have something to say about that and then Russia will have something to say about that which means the UK… geez, guys, take it to the playground, won’t ya?

Yes, my gherkins, 2017 is all about the Donald who is getting even more adulation than he was when he was doing the Apprentice. Of course, he’s pissed that they replaced him with the Arnold. I guess he wants to be President too now. Where are those birthers when you need them? Oh, yeah, they’re still trying to prove Obama is a fraud. Um, too late, guys.

Oh, well, I’ve had enough excitement this year. I think I’ll get a Frappacino at the Starbucks by Mara Lago while checking out my profile on Facebook. Oh,wait, I don’t have a profile. I guess I’ll check that Horman guy to see what he’s saying about me now, what a dunce!

Okay, here it is, my final top twenty-five (until next year anyway), enjoy.

Event of the year: Theresa May’s power grab backfires.

Fad:  Sexual misconduct accusations

Babe of the Year:  Melissa McCarthy as Scott Spicer

Scandal of the Year: Kevin Spacey blows his chance to be President

Movie or TV show to barf to: Bad Mom’s Christmas

What we could have done without: Gloria Allred (again)

Pet of the year:  Steve Bannon

Other Tidbits: Alabama almost elects a child molester to the Senate, Congress cuts taxes for Donald Trump and Scrooge McDuck, everybody accused of sexual harassment except Gary Glitter, Theresa May calls for elections in Britain because she has too much power, North Korea gets the bomb while being taunted by Trump, 2 Broke Girls gets cancelled mercifully, NFL players protest by singing Oh Canada.

So that was the fun that was 2017. So what about the music? Well it took all of 2018, but here it is; the top twenty-five of 2017…

1) Granddaddy- Last Place

2) Connor Oberst- Salutations

3) Father John Misty- Pure Comedy

4) The Regrettes- Feel Your Feelings Fool

5) Magnetic Fields- 50 Song Memoir

6) King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizards- Flying Microtonal Banana

7) Ty Segall- Ty Segall

8) Black Angels- Death Song

9) Aimee Mann- Mental Illness

10) Peter Silbermann- Impermanence

11) Elbow- Little Fictions

12) Laura Marling- Semper Farina

13) Courtney Barrett and Kurt Vile- Gotta See Lice

14) Black Lips- Satan’s Graffiti or God’s Art?

15) Priests- Nothing Feels Natural

16) Iron and Wine- Beast Epic

17) Flotation Toy Machine- The Machine That Made Us

18) Mount Eerie- A Crow Looked at Me

19) Thundercat- Drunk

20) Peter Perrett- How the West Was Won

21) The Shins- Heartworms

22) New Poronographers- Whiteout Conditions

23) Weezer- Pacific Daydream

24) Fleet Foxes- Crack-Up

25) Marika Hackman- I’m Not Your Man

And here we are with the last year of my little ambitious project and it’s going out with a bang. This is one of my better top tens in a long time, led by Granddaddy’s reunion album. It’s like they never went away and it’s their best since Sopfthware Slump. Conor Oberst follows with his best effort in a few years while Father John Misty, a great teen group, the Regrettes (though the lead singer needs to wash her mouth out with soap :D ), and my surprise round out the top five. The lower ten is pretty impressive too when you look at great gems from King Gizzard, the Black Angels, and Aimee Mann. Gems in my top twenty-five include the Black Lips, Flotation Toy Machine, Thundercat, and Marika Hackman.

Biggest Surprise- Magnetic Fields- 50 Song Memoir

Magnetic Fields hasn’t really done a lot for me since 69 Love Songs. And I knew going into this album, that it would be, well, ambitious, and very long. But the songs are solid. It’s basically the sound of 69 Love Songs with some variations. What it turns out to be is a five disc pastiche of whimsy and a lot of retrospection. This is Stephen Merritt at his best. Love this album.

Biggest Disappointment- Bob Dylan- Triplicate

Look, one album of Frank Sinatra covers was enough, don’t you think? Yeah, I know, the guy has had a long career and is now well into his seventies so he deserves some slack, right? Well, maybe, but it doesn’t mean I have to like the album. Well, what do you expect from a protest singer who went on to do a Victoria’s Secret commercial? Oh, well, at least he hasn’t done an album of show tunes yet (has he?).

Honorable Mention- Jesca Hoop- Memories Are Now, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizards- Sketches of Brunswick East, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings- Soul of a Woman, Juilen Baker- Turn Out the Lights, Sun Kil Moon- Common As Light and Love are Red Valleys of Blood

Stinker of the Year-  Betty Buckley – Story Songs.

Betty Buckley was of course Dick Van Patten’s squeeze on Eight is Enough since they killed off the first wife. Yes, she is singing show tunes (I guess). She sings adequately, I guess. That works because she acted adequately too. But, hey, it beats having to listen to Corey Feldman, Miley Cyrus, and Crazy Frog. And now I don’t have to listen to any of you nitwits anymore, MUHAHAHAHA!

Well, I guess that’s it. I hope you enjoyed the top twenty-fives as much as I did. I always like to say this, but the only top twenty-five (top ten, top five, top ten thousand) that really matters is your own. Well, these were mine so there!

So thanks for indulging me with this project. Bye, for now.  :)

The new President of the United States

2016

Well, this is definitely a bizzaro year. And think about it, Donald Trump proves that indeed anyone can be President when the public is mad at the whole political process. I’d run for President in 2020, but I was born in Hawaii. Wait a minute; President Hope was born in Hawaii. Does that mean…?

Of course it didn’t have to be. ‘Or Her Either’ decided the Presidency was her birthright so naturally everybody is afraid to run against her. Vice President Joe declines to run because he’s still grieving his dead son. What a bogus excuse. And then Lizzie Warren didn’t run because she had to borrow an axe from her parents or something.

So ‘Or Her Either’ gets to run against Bernie the Communist and she wins the nomination. The DNC was very unbiased in their decisions and the Brooklyn Bridge is on sale- cheap! Meanwhile, everybody was pissed at the Republicans even though 57 people were running. They ultimately nominated Donald Trump because Gary Coleman was dead.

And so ‘Or Her Either’ had a clear path because everyone knows that the Donald is a buffoon. But she didn’t count on the buffoon vote to be so substantial and she went crying all the way home. Next time, Democrats, why don’t you promote someone more electable, you know, like Rosie O’Donnell? By the way, what’s an Allepo?

Okay, I’m out of breath. As far as I’m concerned Alice Cooper is the next President of the United States. I mean how can we do worse? Don’t answer that question.

And here we are with the top twenty-five of 2016.

Event of the year: Hillary says, “WTF?” and stops cackling.

Fad:   Brexit

Babes of the Year: Russian hackers

Scandal of the Year: Bob Dylan wins the Nobel Prize For Literature

Movie or TV show to barf to: Zoolander 2

What we could have done without: Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Pet of the year: Pokemon Go

Other Tidbits: Hamilton is the theatre sensation of the year; Burr is pissed. The Russians score big in the Presidential Elections when they get Alice Cooper elected. Bradgelina breaks into two, Bernie Sanders becomes a bobblehead, we find out that Ted Cruz’ father killed JFK. Scott Baio makes a comeback for forty-five minutes, Trump wins and says the election was rigged, the Cubs win the World Series, Hell freezes over; so does Pennsylvania, David Bowie and Prince form a duo, and everybody’s lives matter including black lives- get it?

Albums anybody?

1) David Bowie- Blackstar

2) PJ Harvey- The Hope Six Demolition Project

3) Radiohead- A Moon Shaped Pool

4) Weyes Blood- Front Row Seat To Earth

5) Angel Olsen- My Woman

6) Conor Oberst- Ruminations

7) Okkervil River- Away

8) Leonard Cohen- You Want It Darker

9) Kikagaku Moyo- House in the Tall Grass

10) Avalanches- Wildflower

11) Iron&Wine and Jesca Hoop- Love Letter For Fire

12) Case/Lang/Veirs- Case/Lang/Veirs

13) Childish Gambino- Awaken My Love

14) Thee Oh Sees- A Weird Exits

15) Parquet Courts- Human Performance

16) Ty Segall- Emotional Mugger

17) Mitski- Puberty 2

18) Wolf People- Ruins

19) Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions- Until the Hunter

20) Iamthemorning-Lighthouse

21) Wilco-Schmilco

22) Animal Collective-Painting With

23) Car Seat Headrest-Teens of Denial

24) Darkher- Realms

25) Lucinda Williams- The Ghost of Highway 20

Of course this is the year we sadly lost David Bowie and he goes out with his best album since the Ziggy Stardust days. He obviously wanted to make a statement about death and dying and it’s his most heartfelt album in years. With the year I’m presently having (2018), this album sometimes gets me emotional. PJ Harvey comes up with yet another amazing album and she gets the silver while Radiohead’s best album since Amnesiac, my surprise, and Angel Olsen round out my top twenty-five. In my top ten we have Leonard Cohen’s excellent swan song of sorts, an incredible find in Kikagaku Moyo via someone on the music forum I was on, and a comeback album by the Avalanches. Gems in my top twenty-five include Case/Lang/Veirs, Childish Gambino, Wolf People, and Darkher.

Biggest Surprise- Weyes Blood- Front Row Seat To Earth

Well, this is the year of the Bowie swan song, is it not? No, this is not exactly like Bowie but somehow this female artist is reminding me of classic Bowie in her own way. It’s a beautiful piece of melodic work. This album puts the singer songwriters like Carole King to shame. I had never heard of Weyes Blood before so this is really a very pleasant surprise. A very nice piece of new age; reminds me a little of Enya at her best.

Biggest Disappointment- Of Montreal- Innocent Reaches.

Okay so now they’ve gone eighties pop or something. Congratulations, guys, you’ve replaced the Rolling Stones with the girl with the proverbial curl award. Anyway, they’re not their quirky selves at all; they don’t even sound like Of Montreal. Maybe these guys should have done the soundtrack to Flashdance or something.

Honorable Mention- Bat For Lashes- The Bride, John Cunningham- Fell, Bob Dylan- Fallen Angels, Band of Horses- Why Are You OK?, Jenny Hval- Blood Bitch

Stinker of the Year-  Corey Feldman- Angelic 2 the Core

And… he’s back. Now he’s doing spacey dance tunes. I guess someone forgot to tell him the nineties were over. Yeah, this one makes his Former Child Actor look like a rock n roll classic. Each track starts with some stupid narration of bible verse or whatever. Maybe when he did Stand By Me, River Phoenix should have pushed him in the lake.

Wow, only one year left. It’s almost over. We’re actually pretty deep into 2018 by now if not in 2019, but I said 1955-2017 and so it will be (I can do 2018 any old time :D).

So stick around for my final twenty-five real soon.

2015

I wonder if they serve Subway subs in prison?

Well, here I am in the year 2015 where it’s okay to lick a donut and take a selfie while doing it. Some show called Mad Men ends its run. Have you seen Mad Men? It’s about an ad executive that goes mad and turns into a werewolf. No, really, it even takes place in the 1960s when Werewolves were really popular. Didn’t anyone see the Munsters?

The Supreme Court declares that gay people can marry each other. Now they did it; now everybody’s going to get divorced. They have to add a new grounds for divorce; my gay neighbor married his lover. All the children are going to be born out of wedlock. Stocks will fall. Everyone will turn into zombies and eat each other. Penguins will starve to death because there are no more humans to eat. The apocalypse is near!

Either that or everything will stay the same, go figure.

Bruce Jenner decides to be a woman because women get to eat more Wheaties or something. Does that mean he wasn’t supposed to run in the Decathlon? The big movie this year is Fifty Shades of Grey which I guess is better than Sixty Shades of Vomit. And they’re rioting in Baltimore. Does that mean the Orioles won the World Series? Oh, not exactly. Okay, so who’s next?

Well, anyway, here we go with my top twenty-five of 2015.

And remember, Je Suis Charlie.

Event of the year: The El Chapo Memorial Tunnel links a Mexican prison with California

Fad:   Race riots (I’m from Baltimore, remember?)

Babe of the Year: Ashley Madison

Scandal of the Year: Ariana Grande licks a donut and she likes it.

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Cosby Show reruns

What we could have done without: Selfies

Pet of the year: Cecil the Lion

Other Tidbits: Gay marriage legalized in Alabama of all places, Brian Williams proves he can tell a good yarn, Hillary declares candidacy and forgets to leave a tip, Iran and America make a deal not to blow each other up, Sean Hannity denies Global Warming while swimming in Antarctica, Jared Fogle is fired from Subway for being a creep, Bill Cosby wins the hypocrite of the year award, Bruce Jenner admits he’s now a panda bear and calls himself Ling Ling, Robert Durst arrested for being a serial killer and a nitwit at the same time, they’re dancing in the streets in Baltimore and DC now (Okay, just Baltimore; they always have the fun).

And these are the albums that win my awards…

1)  Sufjan Stevens- Carrie and Lowell

2)  Father John Misty- I Love You Honeybear

3)  Beach House- Depression Cherry

4) Courtney Barnett- Sometimes I Sit and Think and Sometimes I Just Sit

5) Car Seat Headrest- Teens of Style

6) Laura Marling- Short Movie

7)  Yo La Tengo- Stuff Like That Here

8) Steve Earle- Terraplane

9) Of Montreal- Aureate Gloom

10) Cage the Elephant- Tell Me I’m Pretty

11) Built To Spill- Untethered Moon

12) Panda Bear- Panda Bear Meets the Grim Reaper

13) Sun Kil Moon- Universal Themes

14) Decemberists- What a Terrible World What a Beautiful World

15) Beach House- Thank Your Lucky Stars

16) Leon Bridges- Coming Home

17) Thee Oh Sees- Mutilator Defeated At Last

18) Julia Holter- Have You In My Wilderness

19) Jessica Pratt- On Our Own Again

20) The Dead Weather- Dodge and Burn

21) Kurt Vile- B’lieve I’m Goin Down

22) Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats- The Night Creeper

23) Deerhunter- Fading Frontier

24) Golden Void- Berkana

25) Swami John Reis and the Blind Shake- Modern Surf Classics

This, in my opinion, is a solid top five as Sufjan Stevens leads off with his best effort since Illinois by doing what he does best, simply recording good songs. He’s followed by the always eccentric Father John Misty, a great Beach House LP (they score twice on this list), Courtney Barrett, and the GVB influenced Car Sear Headrest. In my top ten, we have comeback albums of sorts by faves Steve Earle and Yo La Tengo while Cage the Elephant also scores with their solid LP. Other gems in my top twenty-five include Panda Bear, The Decemberists, Leon Bridges, Julia Holter, Jessica Pratt, and Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats.

Biggest Surprise- Laura Marling- Short Movie

Laura Marling generally isn’t one of my favorite artists. Not that she sucks, she doesn’t, but she does come off as rather boring. This album though has more hooks and is a nice piece of folk based music. I ended up really liking it.

Biggest Disappointment- Muse- Drones

And it does drone on. This album kind of reminds me a little of the dreaded arena rock I had to endure in the eighties. No, they don’t suddenly sound like Journey or Rush (well, maybe Rush a little, not necessarily a bad thing). The big thing I got from this album was the reality that when you become big enough, you sometimes try to sound more commercial and I think that’s what happened here.

Honorable Mention- Bob Dylan- Shadows in the Night, Tallest Man On Earth- Dark Bird is Home, Wilco- Star Wars, Death Cab For Cutie- Kintsugi, My Morning Jacket- Waterfall

Stinker of the Year-  Miley Cyrus- Miley Cyrus and Her Dead Petz

Hannah Montana is getting creative these days. But, really, how can you go wrong with tracks like Dooo It!, F****** F***** Up, Fweaky, and of course, the classic Slab of Butter (scorpion)? Yes, Billy Ray’s daughter has come a long way from those Hannah Montana days sporting her bad haircut and a tasteful album cover where it looks like someone dooded it on her face.

Two more years to go and then we move on to San Francisco or something. Anyway, I’ll see you all next time.

2014

The talking dog has transported me to 2014. Why is everything so futuristic? Everybody is talking on phones that you can carry outside like it’s Star Trek or something. Maybe they’re all asking Scotty to beam them up.

Everybody is afraid of getting this disease from Africa and they’re banishing people to New Jersey or something. Maybe they think they’ll get lucky or something and Snookie will get infected.

But guess what? We discover the disease is actually treatable. Amazing what an actual health system and some antibiotics can do. Well, geez, Louise, we have to be scared about something. Meanwhile, the NFL is getting some pie in its face. Some guy named Rice (you can call him Ray) got caught not being very nice to his fiancée and some guy named Yo Adrian got caught using a tree branch on his kid or something because barbed wire wasn’t available. Anyway, the NFL’s fearless leader decided they were only flesh wounds until the public said they weren’t, whoops!

It looks like the police messed up in some town called Ferguson too and now the citizens are mad. The poor policeman is now being hunted like Frankenstein’s monster or something. Anyway, this starts a movement known as Black Lives Matter which will evolve into White Lives Matter and then Green Lives Matter and then Arachnid Lives Matter. Let the demonizing begin.

And has anyone seen that Bill Cosby Jello commercial? Wait, Bill Cosby did what? That does it, now I’m definitely not buying the New Coke from Dr. Huxtable. Hey, wasn’t he supposed to be a gynecologist or something? Creepy.

Well, gotta go. The final episode of How I Met Your Mother is on. Wait, what do you mean the mother dies and he goes back with Robin? I want my money back!

Event of the year: The Bermuda Triangle is moved to the Indian Ocean

Fad:  Ebola

Babe of the Year: Jan the Toyota Girl

Scandal of the Year: The IRS targets White Supremacist groups and Congress has a fit.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Anything on Lifetime

What we could have done without: The Ice Bucket Challenge

Pet of the year: Justin Bieber

Other Tidbits: Justin Bieber proves he can be as big a brat as Paris Hilton, people can toke up in Colorado, Dennis Rodman becomes US Ambassador to North Korea, Putin annexes the Crimea and New Hampshire, The NFL to flag players 15 yards for domestic abuse, Letterman and Leno make up and get married, Shia Lebouf plays the Unknown Comic, The goddess Isis goes bad, Ebola tastes great, no it’s less filling, bye, Robin Williams L

Okay, the top 25 of 2014 coming up.

1) Casualties of Cool- Casualties of Cool

2) Parquet Courts- Sunbathing Animal

3) Sun Kil Moon- Benji

4) Alvvays- Alvvays

5) Ty Segall- Manipulator

6) Beck- Morning Phase

7) The Eels- The Cautionary Tales of E. Mark Everett

8) Ryley Walker- All Kinds of You

9)  Wand- Ganglion Reef

10) Conor Oberst- Upside Down Mountain

11) Jack White- Lazaretto

12) TV on the Radio- Seeds

13) Angel Olson- Burn Your Fire For No Witness

14) Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings- Give the People What They Want

15) Goat- Commune

16) Wovenhand- Regfractory Obdurate

17) New Pornographers- Brill Bruisers

18) Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers- Hypnotic Eye

19) Parquet Courts- Conten Nausea

20) Weezer- Everything Will Be Alright in the End

21) Spoon- They Want My Soul

22) Temples- Sun Structures

23) Lucinda Williams- Down Where the Spirit Meets the Bone

24) Bruce Springsteen- High Hopes

25) Manic Street Preachers- Futurology

2014 to me isn’t the greatest of years, but maybe that belies my age. I do like my top five though. Casualties of Cool takes the top spot. I’m not really a fan of country per se, but this Canadian duo adds ambiance and other influences on this album and it comes off as something of a melodic masterpiece. Casualties is followed by Parquet Courts with an album obviously influenced by Television. A nice Sun Kil Moon album, my surprise, and Ty Segall round out my top five. In the top ten, gems include Ryley Walker and the psychedelic Wand. Gems in my top twenty-five include TV on the Radio, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, Goat, and a second Parquet Courts album.

Biggest Surprise- Alvvays- Alvvays

Pronounced Always, this Canadian band reminds me of Camera Obscura in many ways. They also sound like some of the dream pop bands I’d hear on WHFS in the eighties. An enjoyable find.

Biggest Disappointment- Circulatory System- Mosaics Within Mosaic

Did I mention that some things are certainly an acquired taste? Well, this ‘psychedelic pop’ band has taken that to a new level. I get they’re trying to be experimental but they should at least try to be coherent. I guess this proves that just because it’s psychedelic doesn’t mean it’s necessarily good.

Honorable Mention- King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard- I’m In Your Mind Fuzz, Vashti Bunyan- Heartleap, Sharon Van Etten- Are We There, Black Keys- Turn Blue, AJJ- Christmas Island.

Stinker of the Year-  Riff Raff- Neon Icon

Another case of bad rap metal. Bad lyrics, bad background music, bad introduction. Otherwise, this is the greatest hip hop album since Public Enemy (yeah, right). Hey, at least I only have to review three more rotten albums. Am I a masochist or what? Please, don’t answer that.

Cute cover with the baby.

Wow, we’re getting near the end. Who would have ever thought? :D Anyway, we’ll be back soon with my top twenty-five of 2015. See you then.

2013

It's a bird, it's a plane, IT'S SHARKNADO!!!! 

The talking dog has transported me to the year 2013 where they’re still talking about either banning guns or arming all nuns to defend against psychos in schools. I guess you’re asking if nothing was done yet again. Did the Pope quit?

Yes, Pope Benedict Arnold became the first Pope in something like eight hundred years to resign due to bad health and maybe because he looked the other way (like everyone else) in those pesky pedophilia scandals in American parochial school and churches. Anyway, now they elected this guy they call Peter the Roman. He’s going to be the last Pope according to the St. Malachy Prophecy as he is going to leave Rome while it burns to the ground while Nero fiddles or something. Well, if he is going down, he is going down in a flame of… maybe I’ll come up with another analogy. Anyway, he’s actually pretty cool. He’s actually talking about things like helping the poor and acknowledging that gays are people too. Wow, this guy is a danger to mankind.

The government shuts down again (don’t they ever learn?) and some person who doesn’t know how to drive tries to ram the Capitol or something. Guess that will learn them. So the Government reopens but now we might fall off the fiscal cliff. Ouch! That’s gotta hurt.

Weiner and his weiner runs for mayor. He doesn’t get elected. Some guy named Zimmerman becomes a celebrity on Fox News and is praised as the greatest thing since Reagan. Actually, they think Reagan is too liberal these days. Pretty scary to think about, huh?

And that Hannah Montana; she’s so outrageous. Did you see her doing her own shocking moment on MTV? Yeah, she even shocked the shockers at MTV. Eddie the Spy exposed the NSA, CIA, FBI, Mickey Mouse Club, etc. Now he’s wanted and they’re chasing him in Hong Kong, then he’s stranded at the Moscow Airport because he can’t get a connecting flight to Ecuador. Putin finally lets him stay but he has to crack rocks in Siberia or something. Meanwhile now we know that the NSA was doing things like spying on the talking dog’s mother. Shame on you, NSA!

Well have to go. Have to talk to these twits on Twitter (am I clever or what :D)

Event of the year: Edward Snowden gives away Obama’s phone number

Fad:   Demonizing Trayvon Martin

Babe of the Year: Dzokhar Tzranaev (according to Rolling Stone)

Scandal of the Year: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announces Crack is Whack

Movie or TV show to barf to: Sharknado

What we could have done without: Honey Boo Boo

Pet of the year: Miley Cyrus

Other Tidbits: The Pope smokes dope and resigns, Gov Christie of New Jersey opens the Bridgegate Hotel in Fort Lee, Kathryn Sebelius brings in Mr. T to save Obamacare rollout, Lance Armstrong admits to taking aspirin, John Boehner jumps off the Fiscal Cliff, Edward Snowden is wanted by the FBI for littering, George Zimmerman changes his name to Bob Dylan, Assad crosses the line in his brother’s bedroom; Obama says don’t do it again, Congress shuts down the government but 7-11s remain open, Pope Francis comes out as an Argentinian, Don Corleone is assassinated by the Amish Mafia.

It’s almost over, kids. Shall we look at the damages?...

1) Ty Segall- Sleeper

2) Of Montreal- Lousy With Sylvianbriar

3) David Bowie- The Next Day

4) Kurt Vile- Wakin on a Pretty Daze

5)  Candy Claws- Ceres and Calypso in the Deep Time

6) Blood Ceremony- The Eldritch Dark

7) King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard- Fill Your Lungs

8) MGMT-MGMT

9) The Eels- Wondrous, Glorious

10) Depeche Mode- Delta Machine

11) Cage the Elephant- Melophobia

12) Manic Street Preachers- Rewind the Film

13) Sam Phillips- Push any Button

14) Black Angels- Indigo Meadow

15) Bill Callahan- Dream River

16) Thee Oh Sees- Floating Coffin

17) Chelsea Wolfe- Pain is Beauty

18) Travis- Where You Stand

19) Yo La Tengo- Fade

20) Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Mosquito

21) Steve Earle- The Low Highway

22) The National- Trouble Will Find Me

23) Inside Llewyn Davis Soundtrack

24) The Oblivians- Desperation

25) Goldfrapp- Tales of Us

As we get ever so closer to the present, I’m doing some deeper listening as I’m not as familiar with the more recent stuff than I was with the classics and such. So, naturally, I’m finding a lot of gems and surprises, my favorite surprise just edging in my top five. Ty Segall holds the top position with his seventies tinged Sleeper, my favorite from him. He’s followed by Of Montreal’s best album in well over a decade, a great David Bowie effort that rates with his seventies heyday, Kurt Vile, and my aforementioned surprise. The Eels and Depeche Mode make comebacks of sorts in my top ten while gems there include the early seventish Blood Ceremony and the Psychedelic King Gizzard. Gems in the rest of top twenty-five include Cage the Elephant, Bill Callahan, Chelsea Wolfe, and the Inside Llewyn Davis soundtrack. I really have to watch the film.

Biggest Surprise-  Candy Claws- Ceres and Calypso in the Deep Time

This is Animal Collective gone psychedelic. They’re certainly more cohesive. It’s very dreamy, ambient, and interesting throughout. Definitely a pleasant listen and one of my favorite albums this year.

Biggest Disappointment- Car Seat Headreast- Nervous Young Man

I’m beginning to like this band and I expect to like their more recent stuff a bit better. This album though, is way too long with two songs clocking in at somewhere around fifteen minutes. It sounds okay overall, I guess, but that’s just the problem. It’s so meh, it makes you want to turn on the TV and watch reality shows. Ugh!

Honorable Mention- Flaming Lips- The Terror, Mark Kozelek and Jimmy Lavalle- Perils From the Sea, Jason Isbell- Southeastern, Camera Obscura- Desire Lines, Laura Veirs- Warp and Weft

Stinker of the Year-  Justin Bieber- Believe Acoustic

Hey, it’s Justin Bieber; of course he stinks. This is about the time he let fame go to his head. Believe is bad enough as it was originally recorded, but now we get to hear him do his best imitation of Justin Timberlake. Hey, at least we know he knows how to drag race down his neighbor’s street without crashing into his house. Boy, I’m glad I’m only listening to this album once.

I believe it’s time to get out of here. Stay tuned; we only have four top twenty-fives yet so I’ll see you real soon.

2012

It’s Gangham Style (GAH!)

The talking dog has transported me to 2012 where I think I’m addicted to Mommy Porn. Oh, Lars, take off your shirt, ooh! Okay, you can put it back on again, why do men always have to shave their chests?

We don’t have a lot of time because the World is going to end on December 21. It’s a good thing they re-elected President Hope because Romney’s 47% didn’t show up I guess. There are so many things to get excited about such as what is Bragelina going to do today? Maybe they’ll adopt a kid from Zimbabwe or something, kind of like Madonna. I hope they never split up. TomKat split up because he wants to be a Scientologist and she wants to be normal or something like that. At least Kat got Suri. It’s hard when you can’t order pizza from your… oh wait, wrong Suri, never mind J.

The biggest band in Russia, Kittycat riot or something, got arrested for protesting and now they have to bust rocks in Siberia for the next two years or something. They still won’t buy their records though but the talking dog loves them anyway. And we learn where Benghazi is because they won’t let Or Her Either off the hook with that one. Hey, did you know Or Her Either is now Secretary of State? Or at least she was. She’s retiring to spend more time with her family, either that or she’s running for President again; I always get those two things confused.

It wasn’t a good year when it comes to shootings with the tragedies in Colorado and especially Sandy Hook. Maybe now they’ll do something about the problems with assault weapons and make the Second Amendment make some kind of sense. Either that, or they can argue about it like they always do. Maybe I should move to Greenland.

Okay, so here are my top twenty-five picks for 2012. Hope to see you in 2013 if I can escape before the world ends.

Event of the year: The world ends again; Merry Christmas.

Fad:  Committing suicide over Fifty Shades of Grey

Babes of the Year: Pussy Riot

Scandal of the Year: Secret Service agents caught stealing coffee in Colombia and having sex with Juan Valdez.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Duck Dynasty

What we could have done without: Al Roker going Gangnam

Pet of the year:  Taylor Swift

Other Tidbits: Mitt Romney is awarded the Oscar for most wooden character, The New Orleans Saints are penalized by the NFL for playing defense, New York Mayor Bloomberg starts a just say no to Coke or Pepsi campaign, Clint Eastwood lectures a chair, Hillary Clinton blows up the Embassy in Benghazi, The US is gripped with a Twinkie shortage, Drew Peterson’s lawyers lose their swagger, David Petreaus is caught in a sex scandal and the Democrats change his name to Betrayus again, New Jersey finds out that Sandy is a real blowhard, Amanda Bynes quits show business and becomes a nun, 47% of people think Romney’s a twit, Elmo charged with tickling boys.

And here we are with yet another list. And so goes the top Twenty Five of 2012.

1)  Goat- World Music

2)  Father John Misty- Fear Fun

3)  The Avett Brothers- The Carpenter

4)  Beach House- Bloom

5) Sun Kil Moon- Among the Leaves

6)  Rufus Wainwright- Out of the Game

7) Melody’s Echo Chamber- Melody’s Echo Chamber

8)  Angel Olson- Half Way Home

9)  Jack White- Blunderbuss

10)  Tallest Man on Earth- There’s No Leaving Now

11)  Bob Dylan- Tempest

12)  Ty Segall- Twins

13)  Parquet Courts- Light Up Gold

14)  Grizzly Bear- Shields

15)  Car Seat Headrest- Monomania

16)  Ty Segall Band- Slaughterhouse

17)  The Walkmen- Heaven

18)  (Sandy) Alex G- Trick

19) Animal Collective- Centipede Hz

20)  Apples in Stereo- Travelers in Space and Time

21)  Hexvessel- No Holier Temple

22)  Thee Oh Sees- Putrifiers II

23)  Bat For Lashes- The Haunted Man

24)  The XX- Coexist

25)  Sharon Van Etten- Tramp

This isn’t really one of the better years in my opinion. Still, there are some pretty good gems on this list starting with my biggest surprise at the top. I’m a big fan of psychedelia and my number one is a perfect piece of that genre. Father John Misty, a new favorite of mine, ends up with the silver this year, while the Avett Brothers, Beach House, and an amazing Sun Kil Moon round out my top five. I really like six and seven too. Rufus Wainwright got out of his show tunes style and the result is excellent while Melody’s Echo Chamber proves that some great music can indeed come from France. Other gems in my top twenty-five include another Bob Dylan comeback, Car Seat Headrest, (Sandy) Alex G, and the Apples in Stereo.

Biggest Surprise- Goat- World Music

I probably heard this one during my brief time at a music forum. There was one guy in particular who had great taste in music and I’m sure he was the one who recommended this gem. In any event, we have this latin rock (or maybe African Rock) tinged album. Anyway it’s nice to recommend something out of my own safety zone. It’s very late sixties sounding and I’m really falling in love with this one and it’s my top pick of 2012.

Biggest Disappointment- Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band- One of My Kind.

Where’s Bright Eyes when you need them? Is this a terrible album? Not really, but it comes off as rather bland, even by Conor’s standards. It certainly isn’t one of my worst disappointments over the years (it’s actually one of the better ones), but with this one, Conor just falls a little flat.

Honorable Mention- Cat Power- Sun, Bruce Springsteen- Wrecking Ball, Aimee Mann- Charmer, The Shins- Port of Morrow, First Aid Kit- The Lion’s Roar

Stinker of the Year-  Kreayshawn- Something About Kreay

And this is from the Nikki Minaj  white wannabe. At least Nikki knows how to keep up with the beat. And don’t miss her hit, Gucci Gucci, as she babbles along to the beat I guess. Man where are those bad gospel albums when you need them. Give me the Addicts. Don’t make me listen to this again before I become one (AAAAGH!)

And that’s it for another edition of Gertie’s Top Twenty-Five. See you next time when Mitt Romney runs for Queen of Denmark. See you then :D.

2011

I’m… winning!

Okay, so I’m not winning but I am in 2011. The talking dog is excited because some guy named Weiner is showing off his Oscar Meyer, um… Hey, did you know it’s Spring in the Middle East? Yeah, all these oppressive regimes are being overthrown by Freedom lovers who want to have their own oppressive regimes. Just think, Communism will finally be over for good.

One of the big stories this year is the Casey Anthony trial. She gets off by blaming her father for being a douchebag or something. Mommy meanwhile hates her daughter but won’t do anything to defend Daddy, or something like that. Man, what a screwed up family.

They’re occupying Wall Street this year in New York. They’re occupying Wall Street in Baltimore too. Unfortunately Wall Street in Baltimore is near the Northwest suburbs or something; they all wear beehive hairdos too. They repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell in the Armed Forces. Now you can finally admit you like to watch chick flicks too. And they killed Bin Laden after ten years finally. Bummer, I was enjoying playing that game, ‘Where in the World is Bin Laden.’

And, of course, there was this scandal at Penn State. Some pervert was being a, um, pervert. Unfortunately he was also a coach. They had a scandal at Syracuse too but the victims blew it by hiring Gloria Allred who didn’t meet a sensational case she didn’t want to dismantle. Hey, guys, weren’t other lawyers available, like Matlock or something?

Well, I guess it’s time for my top Twenty-Five of 2011. Say Hi to Charlie Sheen for me. He has Tiger’s blood you know. He should give it back.

Event of the year: The world ends on May 21

Fad: Baby Bumps

Babe of the Year: Adam Sandler in drag (Jack and Jill)

Scandal of the Year: Anthony Weiner shows off his weiner and is the butt of Oscar Meyer jokes.

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Casey Anthony trial

What we could have done without: The Royal Wedding of William and Kate

Pet of the year: Michelle Bachman

Other Tidbits: We learn that Rick Perry can’t count to three, Bin Laden is buried at sea alive, Michelle Bachman is mad Newsweek made her look mad, Wall Street is occupied by stockbrokers, Gaddafi was seen begging for leg warmers, Arab Spring is the hottest band since the Beatles, Donald Trump says Obama was born in Siberia, Washington DC has an earthquake and people in Los Angeles laugh until the hurricane hits, Kim Kardashian marries the perfect publicity seeker, then dumps him, Herman Cain accused of sexually harassing a pizza, Charlie Sheen announces he’s losing, Oprah gives away her show but keeps her network nobody is watching, Nancy Grace bites Casey Anthony on the leg.

Wow, is it 2011 already, well I guess we should give it a go then…

1) PJ Harvey- Let England Shake

2)  Girls- Father Sun Holy Ghost

3)  Ty Segall- Goodbye Bread

4)  Of the Wand and the Moon- The Lone Descent

5)  Wilco- The Whole Love

6)  REM- Collapse Into Now

7) Cake- Showroom of Compassion

8)  Gillian Welch- The Harrow and the Harvest

9)  Tom Waits- Bad as Me

10)  Decemberists- The King is Dead

11)  Fleet Foxes- Helplessness Blues

12)  Okkervil River- I Am Very Far

13)  Thee Oh Sees- Carrion Crawler/The Dream

14)  Bright Eyes- The Peoples’ Key

15)  Black Keys- El Camino

16)  Paul Simon- So Beautiful or So What

17)  St. Vincent- Strange Mercy

18)  Roots- Undun

19)  Black Lips- Arabia Mountain

20)  Mountain Goats- All Eternals Deck

21)  Clap Your Hands Say Yeah- Hysterical

22)  Laura Marling- A Creature I Don’t Know

23)  Kurt Vile- Smoke Ring For My Halo

24)  Dead Skeltons- Dead Magick

25)  Bill Callahan- Apocalypse

I happen to be a big fan of PJ Harvey but it took until 2011 for her to finally get my top slot. It’s safe to say Harvey has matured musically over the years and it reaches its culmination with this year’s masterpiece. Let England Shake is definitely my favorite PJ Harvey album. Girls record an album almost as impressive as their first effort and they get the silver while Ty Segall, my surprise, and Wilco round out the top five. In my lower ten, REM makes a fantastic exit with their final effort while gems include a surprising Cake album and Tom Waits. Gems in the rest of my twenty-five include Thee Oh Sees, St. Vincent, the Black Lips, Kurt Vile and Dead Skelton with their unusual sounding album.

Biggest Surprise- Of the Wand and the Moon- The Lone Descent

I think these guys could be described as Folk Metal but they really aren’t that heavy. What they are, in my opinion, is a rather great group to get into if you want to chill out essentially. It’s definitely folk and I guess you could argue the metal as it is a bit dark sounding. Of course, it’s the moody atmosphere that makes this album so great and why it’s my surprise of the year.

Biggest Disappointment- Cage the Elephant- Thank You Happy Birthday.

Gee, thanks, but my birthday’s in December. Anyway, I get that Cage the Elephant isn’t exactly the world’s most acclaimed band, but I would have expected more from these obviously Jack White influenced lads. Maybe this album is a little too weird for me in the end analysis.

Honorable Mention- Band of Horses- Infinite Arms, Antlers- Burst Apart, Boston Spaceships- Let it Beard, Car Seat Headrest- My Back Is Killing Me Baby, Lucinda Williams- Blessed

Stinker of the Year-  Scott Weiland- The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

Yes, the former singer of STP croons your favorite Christmas songs as if he were the reincarnation of Bing Crosby himself. He sounds so earnest, so joyful- okay, scratch that, he sings as if he’s constipated, which if he was on something, he probably was. Actually, he would have had to have been on something to record an album like that. You should have stuck with Sex Type Thing while you were still ahead.

And that’s it for 2011. Stay tuned to see what happens in 2012. See you then.