The new President of the United States

2016

Well, this is definitely a bizzaro year. And think about it, Donald Trump proves that indeed anyone can be President when the public is mad at the whole political process. I’d run for President in 2020, but I was born in Hawaii. Wait a minute; President Hope was born in Hawaii. Does that mean…?

Of course it didn’t have to be. ‘Or Her Either’ decided the Presidency was her birthright so naturally everybody is afraid to run against her. Vice President Joe declines to run because he’s still grieving his dead son. What a bogus excuse. And then Lizzie Warren didn’t run because she had to borrow an axe from her parents or something.

So ‘Or Her Either’ gets to run against Bernie the Communist and she wins the nomination. The DNC was very unbiased in their decisions and the Brooklyn Bridge is on sale- cheap! Meanwhile, everybody was pissed at the Republicans even though 57 people were running. They ultimately nominated Donald Trump because Gary Coleman was dead.

And so ‘Or Her Either’ had a clear path because everyone knows that the Donald is a buffoon. But she didn’t count on the buffoon vote to be so substantial and she went crying all the way home. Next time, Democrats, why don’t you promote someone more electable, you know, like Rosie O’Donnell? By the way, what’s an Allepo?

Okay, I’m out of breath. As far as I’m concerned Alice Cooper is the next President of the United States. I mean how can we do worse? Don’t answer that question.

And here we are with the top twenty-five of 2016.

Event of the year: Hillary says, “WTF?” and stops cackling.

Fad:   Brexit

Babes of the Year: Russian hackers

Scandal of the Year: Bob Dylan wins the Nobel Prize For Literature

Movie or TV show to barf to: Zoolander 2

What we could have done without: Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Pet of the year: Pokemon Go

Other Tidbits: Hamilton is the theatre sensation of the year; Burr is pissed. The Russians score big in the Presidential Elections when they get Alice Cooper elected. Bradgelina breaks into two, Bernie Sanders becomes a bobblehead, we find out that Ted Cruz’ father killed JFK. Scott Baio makes a comeback for forty-five minutes, Trump wins and says the election was rigged, the Cubs win the World Series, Hell freezes over; so does Pennsylvania, David Bowie and Prince form a duo, and everybody’s lives matter including black lives- get it?

Albums anybody?

1) David Bowie- Blackstar

2) PJ Harvey- The Hope Six Demolition Project

3) Radiohead- A Moon Shaped Pool

4) Weyes Blood- Front Row Seat To Earth

5) Angel Olsen- My Woman

6) Conor Oberst- Ruminations

7) Okkervil River- Away

8) Leonard Cohen- You Want It Darker

9) Kikagaku Moyo- House in the Tall Grass

10) Avalanches- Wildflower

11) Iron&Wine and Jesca Hoop- Love Letter For Fire

12) Case/Lang/Veirs- Case/Lang/Veirs

13) Childish Gambino- Awaken My Love

14) Thee Oh Sees- A Weird Exits

15) Parquet Courts- Human Performance

16) Ty Segall- Emotional Mugger

17) Mitski- Puberty 2

18) Wolf People- Ruins

19) Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions- Until the Hunter

20) Iamthemorning-Lighthouse

21) Wilco-Schmilco

22) Animal Collective-Painting With

23) Car Seat Headrest-Teens of Denial

24) Darkher- Realms

25) Lucinda Williams- The Ghost of Highway 20

Of course this is the year we sadly lost David Bowie and he goes out with his best album since the Ziggy Stardust days. He obviously wanted to make a statement about death and dying and it’s his most heartfelt album in years. With the year I’m presently having (2018), this album sometimes gets me emotional. PJ Harvey comes up with yet another amazing album and she gets the silver while Radiohead’s best album since Amnesiac, my surprise, and Angel Olsen round out my top twenty-five. In my top ten we have Leonard Cohen’s excellent swan song of sorts, an incredible find in Kikagaku Moyo via someone on the music forum I was on, and a comeback album by the Avalanches. Gems in my top twenty-five include Case/Lang/Veirs, Childish Gambino, Wolf People, and Darkher.

Biggest Surprise- Weyes Blood- Front Row Seat To Earth

Well, this is the year of the Bowie swan song, is it not? No, this is not exactly like Bowie but somehow this female artist is reminding me of classic Bowie in her own way. It’s a beautiful piece of melodic work. This album puts the singer songwriters like Carole King to shame. I had never heard of Weyes Blood before so this is really a very pleasant surprise. A very nice piece of new age; reminds me a little of Enya at her best.

Biggest Disappointment- Of Montreal- Innocent Reaches.

Okay so now they’ve gone eighties pop or something. Congratulations, guys, you’ve replaced the Rolling Stones with the girl with the proverbial curl award. Anyway, they’re not their quirky selves at all; they don’t even sound like Of Montreal. Maybe these guys should have done the soundtrack to Flashdance or something.

Honorable Mention- Bat For Lashes- The Bride, John Cunningham- Fell, Bob Dylan- Fallen Angels, Band of Horses- Why Are You OK?, Jenny Hval- Blood Bitch

Stinker of the Year-  Corey Feldman- Angelic 2 the Core

And… he’s back. Now he’s doing spacey dance tunes. I guess someone forgot to tell him the nineties were over. Yeah, this one makes his Former Child Actor look like a rock n roll classic. Each track starts with some stupid narration of bible verse or whatever. Maybe when he did Stand By Me, River Phoenix should have pushed him in the lake.

Wow, only one year left. It’s almost over. We’re actually pretty deep into 2018 by now if not in 2019, but I said 1955-2017 and so it will be (I can do 2018 any old time :D).

So stick around for my final twenty-five real soon.