2009

Look up in the sky. It’s a bird; It’s a plane. No, it’s Balloon Boy.

This must mean I’m in the year 2009 where Obama rules the land even though he was born in Hawaii ,which everyone knows is a foreign country; just ask the birthers. Do birthers give birth to babies or something? I thought they were called midwives. Anyway, some pilot lands a plane in the Hudson River cause he didn’t know where the airport was. Either that or a bunch of birds were nesting in his plane.

Meanwhile, You betcha Sarah resigns as Alaska Governor because she couldn’t be Vice President or something, An octopus has a bunch of kids and is now known as the Octomom. Some beauty queen (no, not Sarah Palin) says she doesn’t like gays getting married and Donald Trump fires her. And she wasn’t even on The Apprentice. Some golden boy swimmer gets caught with his pants down; okay, so actually he got caught smoking out of a bong. And now somebody has to die before he’s labeled the Lion of the Senate. Did you know Megan wants to marry a millionaire? I want to marry a billionaire because a million doesn’t get you anywhere these days. C’mon, Bill Gates, dump your frumpy wife and marry a real woman. I won’t take you for much, trust me, I’m related to Joe Isuzu.

Some congressman who’s Dennis the Menace’s neighbor or something tells President Hope he lies. Well, of course he lies; we all have to sleep sometime. And that Kanye, he just cracks me up. He always wants attention. I bet he crashes the Super Bowl next because the New England Patriots cut him or something.

Well, I gotta go. The talking dog wants to crash some party at the White House. Meanwhile, have a beer.

And bye, MJ, it was fun L

Event of the year: The Beer Summit

Fad: Trying to overthrow Obama

Babe of the Year: The Octomom

Scandal of the Year: Somali Pirates find out Captain Phillips is not a brand of rum.

Movie or TV show to barf to: VH-1’s celebriality shows

What we could have done without: Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi Scheme

Pet of the year: Michael Phelps

Other Tidbits:  Obama discovers that No, We Can’t, Joe Wilson screams You Lie to Obama and eats his underwear, Sully proves he can captain a boat too, The auto industry is saved by reinstituting slavery, Air Force One crashes into the Empire State Building; King Kong has a fit, ACORN busted by Fox News, Michael Jackson dies in a Paris road tunnel, Mark Sanford goes missing on the Appalachian Trail in Argentina, Sarah Palin resigns as Alaska Governor to create a death panel, Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize for not being George Bush, Kanye West interrupts Taylor Swift to announce Obama doesn’t like black people, Waterboarding added as an Olympic sport.

And so we are a decade into the 21^st century. And what tidbits do we have for 2009. Well, let’s find out…

1) Girls- Album

2) The Decemberists- The Hazards of Love

3)  Neko Case- Middle Cyclone

4)  The XX- The XX

5)  Wilco- Wilco (The Album)

6)  Mos Def- The Ecstatic

7)  PJ Harvey- A Woman a Man Walked By

8)  Depeche Mode- Sounds of the Universe

9)  The Flaming Lips- Embryonic

10)  Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band- Outer South

11)  Camera Obscura- My Maudlin Career

12)  Bob Dylan- Together Through Life

13)  The Eels-Hombre Loco

14)  Avett Brothers- I and Love and You

15)  The Builders and the Butchers- Salvation is a Deep Well

16)  Bill Callahan- I Wish I Were an Eagle

17)  Grizzly Bear- Vecktamist

18)  King Khan and the BBQ Show- Invisible Girl

19)  Bruce Springsteen- Working on a Dream

20)  Animal Collective- Merriwether Post Pavillion

21)  Ty Segall- Lemons

22)  Neil Young- Fork in the Road

23)  AC Newman- Get Guilty

24)  Boston Spaceships- Zero to 99

25)  The Oh Sees- Help

We have another decent list of albums. In fact, a few albums I thought for sure would make the cut were pushed out by albums I listened to later. Anyway, my favorite album this year was from what I believe was a two man band out of San Francisco called Girls (yes, it is a strange name to call a band of men). Album basically sounds like retro early seventies to me. It’s a great diamond in the rough. The Decemberists get the silver with their great concept album while Neko Case, the xx, my other new faves this year, and the always dependable Wilco round out my top five. I really have three surprises in my lower ten, the other two being great comeback albums from Depeche Mode and the Flaming Lips respectively. As far as my top twenty five goes, I’ll go with the nutty King Khan, a great solo effort by New Pornographers frontman AC Newman, and the always dependable Bob Pollard and his Boston Spaceships for my gems.

Biggest Surprise- Mos Def- The Ecstatic

I’m generally not the biggest fan of Hip Hop/Rap though there have been exceptions (read: Public Enemy and Arrested Development, also De La Soul). Well, add Mos Def to the list. He’s a refreshing change from the conceited likes of Kanye West and Puff Daddy or P Diddy or whatever he calls himself these days. Then again, the Brits seem to do it better than the Americans in almost every sub-genre. Why not in Hip Hop too? Love this album.

Biggest Disappointment- Manic Street Preachers- Journal For Plague Lovers

Well I guess all great bands have to bottom out somewhere. For the Manics, for me, it’s this one. For a while there, they seemed to be the greatest hard rock not really metal band out there. This album doesn’t impress me very much though. I hope they don’t end up going the way of U2 because some of my favorite music of the Millennium happens to be from these guys (the Manics). Anyway, I hope they still have something left in the tank.

Honorable Mention-  Jay Reatard- Watch Me Fall, Howling Bells- Radio Wars, St. Vincent- Actor, Yo La Tengo- Popular Songs, Reigning Sounds- Love and Curses

Stinker of the Year- Hotleg- Red Light Fever

I think somebody forgot to tell these guys the eighties are over. This is the same guy that fronted the Darkness. Somehow he sounded a little better with them. This one sounds like that guy in the Dr. Pepper commercial (and he was on American Idol too). Whatever the case, you only want to listen to this if you’re curious as if it’s live or it’s Memorex. It certainly isn’t the sweet one.

And now we will be entering the period where we ask, is it two thousand ten or is it twenty ten? It seemed like saying nineteen whatever was a lot easier. Oh well, anyway, see you next time.

2008

 Hey, can I call you Joe? You betcha!

Yes, here I am transported to the year 2008 where everyone says yes, we can. But first,  Or Her Either

wants to be President. I mean she was a Senator from New York even though she was really from Arkansas by way of Illinois. But, hey, her husband was President once so why can’t she be President too? Then that little brat, Obama, had to mess up the whole thing. No worries, though, she can land in Bosnia under sniper fire and warn that anything can happen like RFK’s assassination. And she called Obama ambitious.

So Obama has a clear field to the Presidency finally. Except now he has to run against this war hero or something. And he might win too because the fundamentals of the economy are sound. And, dig his running mate. She’s so down to Earth and folksy. She doesn’t even read newspapers. Yes, she’s a fine candidate for Vice President. Unfortunately, she gets schooled by Katie Couric of all people. And it all goes downhill from there.

So now we have to keep hope alive. That sucks because I was hoping we could kill hope once and for all. Having hope always gets in the way of doing substantial things like blaming everybody but yourself. Bah! That's no fun.

Well, I have my popcorn ready because they keep messing up the Olympic Torch Relay because they don’t like how China is treating Tibet or something. Meanwhile, some Governor is selling Obama’s  Senate seat. Hey, Blago, I’ll bid five dollars. And some guy named Elliott is caught texting some happy hooker or something and he has to resign as Governor. Maybe he should try a talk show or something.

I have to go; my toilet is backed up. Hello, Joe the Plumber? How’s Josephine?

My top twenty-five of 2008

Event of the year: Barack Obama is signed by RCA records and scores big with Heartbreak Hotel.

Fad: Stealing the Olympic Torch

Babe of the Year: Sarah Palin

Scandal of the Year: Governor Rod Blagojevich sells Obama’s Senate Seat to Michael Jackson

Movie or TV show to barf to: Jersey Shore

What we could have done without: The Kardashians

Pet of the year: Joe the Plumber

Other Tidbits: Hillary Clinton survives sniper fire in Bosina, Obama scores a perfect game in bowling, Sarah Palin is schooled by Katie Couric, Chuck Norris is declared the most interesting man in the world, Joe Biden tells Palin she can call him Al, McCain says the fundamentals of the economy is strong after it collapses, you can buy a house for a $1.95, George Bush bails out Lee Iacoca on a littering charge, Elliott Spitzer becomes a call girl, Jeremiah Wright causes controversy when Kanye West says he hates white people, Brett Favre retires, then unretires, then…,  a gallon is gas is more expensive than a house, OJ Simpson convicted of spitting on the sidewalk, gets 9 to 33 years, Joe the Plumber becomes a ballerina.

So let’s see what we have in store for this year, shall we?...

1)  Fleet Foxes- Fleet Foxes

2)  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- Dig Lazarus Dig

3)  Conor Oberst- Conor Oberst

4)  Sam Phillips- Don’t Do Anything

5)  Gnarls Barkley- The Odd Couple

6)  Beach House- Devotion

7)  Okkervil River- The Stand Ins

8)  REM- Accelerate

9)  Portishead-Third

10)  The Duchess and the Duke- She’s the Duchess, He’s the Duke

11)  Ty Segall- Ty Segall

12)  Boston Spaceships-Brown Submarine

13)  Raconteurs- Consolers of the Lonely

14)  Aimee Mann- %^&* Smilers

15)  Sheryl Crow- Detours

16)  The Oh Sees- The Master’s Bedroom Is Worth Spending a Night In

17)  Old 97’s- Blame It On Gravity

18)  Beck- Modern Guilt

19)  Black Keys- Attack and Release

20)  Bon Iver- For Emma Long Ago

21)  Sun Kil Moon- April

22)  Lucinda Williams- Little Honey

23)  MGMT- Oracular Spectacular

24)  Cage the Elephant- Cage the Elephant

25)  Death Cab For Cutie- Narrow Stairs

I really like my top five this year. I remember hearing the Fleet Foxes and totally fell in love with their Neil Young-like melodies. In the runner-up spot, we have Nick Cave with his best album since Tender Prey, Conor Oberst scores big as he always seems to do while Sam Phillips has her best effort since Martinis and Bikinis. My actual surprise, and it’s a big one, rounds out my top five. The bottom half of the top ten are no slouches either as I’m especially impressed with Beach House, comeback albums by REM and Portishead, and a crazy folk album by the Duchess and the Duke. Other gems in my top twenty-five include Boston Spaceships, Sheryl Crow (of all people), The Oh Sees, and a surprising album from MGMT.

Biggest Surprise- Gnarls Barkley- The Odd Couple

Gnarls Barkley was an interesting soul band (I guess) that had a monster hit with Crazy a couple years earlier and a decent album. The critics weren’t so crazy about this effort though. So, as it turned out, I liked this album even better than St. Elsewhere. It tells you what music critics really know. This album really is kind of funky to me. I liked it a lot.

Biggest Disappointment- Brian Jonestown Massacre- My Bloody Underground

Actually, this should be my stinker of the year but who can top Vanilla Ice? The song titles alone are off putting and, at times, they seem to be doing their own version of Metal Machine Music. It’s an amazingly offensive album overall and, yeah, I know these guys weren’t exactly choirboys, but come on, the Hitler Youth was a long time ago, guys.

Honorable Mention- Nada Surf- Lucky, The Tallest Man On Earth- Shallow Grave, Laura Marling- Alas, I Cannot Swim, Cat Power- Jukebox, The Walkmen- You and Me

Stinker of the Year-  Vanilla Ice- Vanilla Ice is Back- Hip Hop Classics.

And he makes a comeback. And we wish he went away again. He swears he wasn’t responsible for the creative control. Yeah, sure. Anyway, this talented member of Malibu’s Most Wanted gets jiggy with renditions of You Dropped a Bomb On Me, Baby’s Got Back, and, Buffalo Soldier (which I’m sure is a totally different song that Bob Marley did). And for you fans out there, he does four different mixes of his legendary (not!) Ice Ice Baby. I’m covered with goosebumps all over.

So It’s bye bye Bush and Hello Obama and, contrary to rumors, Sarah Palin is of no relation to Michael Palin of Monty Python (thank god). Anyhow, stayed tuned and I’ll see you next time.

2007

The talking dog has transported me to 2007 where there are no gays in Iraq. No, really, just ask that guy Ahmadinawhatchamacallit. Why don’t they name Iranian Presidents after names we can say without sounding like imbeciles, like Fido or something?

This is the year of celebrity gaffes to be sure. I mean there is Don Imus commenting on the hairstyles of African American female basketball players, then there is that crazy girl named after some city in France. Why didn’t they let her bring her fashion accessory, um, Chihuahua, to jail with her? No matter, she was only there for about five minutes anyway. Speaking of dogs, did anyone see Ellen crying how they were mistreating the family she gave her dog too? I guess Ellen couldn’t take care of the rescue herself since they don’t allow fashion accessories in restaurants. And, of course, OJ is back in the news again. I guess some things just don’t stay in Vegas after all.

But the big news event, of course, is the tragic death of Anna Nicole Smith, and it was tragic. Of course the paternity trial or, whatever that circus was, was a different story. Mommy wanted her buried in Texas while Howard Stern (no, not that Howard Stern) wanted her buried under the Meadowlands so they couldn’t find any , um, dirt. Then there was the custody trial for her daughter. Fortunately, Judge Judy wannabe Larry Seidlin orders the fathers get a paternity test on Maury. Sorry, Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband; you are not the father.

And the Mitchell report discovers that there is crying in baseball after all, especially if you’re Roger Clemens and A-Rod. Poor A-Rod; now he can’t take any more of those Pez candies or he’ll be banned from baseball. What’s a quasi-celebrity to do? I think he ought to watch TV and get Lost- Don’t taze me, bro!

Well, I guess I better go with my top twenty-five of 2007. There’s some movie called 300 on. It looks like a cartoon or something. Oh, well, there’s No Country For Old Men, I guess (I know; stop with the pop references, already). What’s going on now, talking dog?...

No, don’t shave your head, Britney! Whoops, too late.

Event of the year: OJ Simpson caught shoplifting; might get the death penalty

Fad:  Who is Dannielynn’s father?

Babe of the Year: Lisa Nowak

Scandal of the Year: Tony Soprano plays Journey and everything goes black

Movie or TV show to barf to: Kate Plus 8

What we could have done without: Paris Hilton

Pet of the year: Howie Mandel

Other Tidbits: Rupert Murdoch buys Pravda, The Mitchell Report claims baseball players used Gatorade, Gordon Ramsay becomes Prime Minister, Nancy Pelosi becomes first woman manager of the San Francisco Giants, Dennis Kucinich sees a UFO, An astronaut admits she likes to wear diapers, Donald Trump marries Rosie O’Donnell, Anna Nicole Smith suitors guest on Maury Povitch, Larry Seidlin becomes a sideshow act, Bush pardons Scooby Doo, Don Imus gets nappy; gets fired, Alec Baldwin temper tantrum made public proving Kim Basinger isn’t very nice,  Larry Craig busted for soliciting an evangelist, Barry Bonds swears he isn’t taking Gatorade, Mike Vick is bitten by a Chihuahua, No gays are reported in Iran, except for its President, Don’t tase me, bro…, Britney gets a haircut.

Another exciting year is on the burner. So let’s check it out…

1)   New Pornographers- Challengers

2)  Panda Bear- Person Pitch

3)  Of Montreal- Hissing Fauna Are You the Destroyer

4)  PJ Harvey- White Chalk

5)  Manic Street Preachers- Send Away the Tigers

6)  Magnolia Electric Co.- Sojourner

7)  Clap Your Hands Say Yeah- Some Loud Thunder

8)  Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings- 100 Days, 100 Nights

9)  Wilco- Sky Blue Sky

10)  Bright Eyes- Cassadaga

11)  Iron and Wine- The Shephred’s Dog

12)  Okkervil River- The Stage Names

13)  Devandra Banhart- Smokey Rolls Down Thunder Canyon

14)  Bjork- Volta

15)  Radiohead- In Rainbows

16)  Caribou-Andorra

17)  The Warlocks- Heavy Deavy Skull Lover

18)  Apples in Stereo- New Magnetic Wonder

19)  The Coffinshakers- The Coffinshakers

20)  Steve Earle- Washington Square Serenade

21)  The Raveonettes- Lust Lust Lust

22)  Lucinda Williams- West

23)  Spoon- Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga

24)  The Coral-  Roots and Echoes

25)  Andrew Jackson Jihad- People Who Eat People Are the Luckiest People In the World

I went with the New Pornographers as my top pick this year. Basically their sound hasn’t changed that much over the years but there seemed to be something a little deeper about this particular album. I especially love Myriad Harbor, my favorite Pornographers’ song. Meanwhile, my surprise comes in at number two while Of Montreal, PJ Harvey, and the Manic Street Preachers round out my top five. The lower top ten is pretty impressive to and I have to really recommend Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings who prove that you can do retro sixties soul as well as those retro garage bands can do sixties garage. Other gems in my top twenty-five include Okkervil River, The Warlocks, an amazing Coffinshakers album (think retro sixties goth rock), and the Coral. This list is also notable for the albums that didn’t make it, mainly IckyThump by the White Stripes and Wincing the Night Away by the Shins. Both albums were some a bit disappointing to me though someone else would ultimately take this year’s prize.

Biggest Surprise-  Panda Bear- Person Pitch

We’re now in the era of the Dream Pop Psychedelia, much of it being based in Baltimore which, strangely enough, happens to be my hometown. Panda Bear (no, not his real name) was in fact a member of Animal Collective, perhaps the first Baltimore band to break through in the indie scene. Panda Bear’s material isn’t unlike his main band, but it somehow seems clearer, more concise. Anyhow, I ended up liking it so much, it just missed being my album of the year.

Biggest Disappointment-  Paul McCartney- Memory Almost Full

Yeah, okay, so I shouldn’t be expecting much from a sixty-five year old legend, but then again, he did do Flaming Pie at fifty-five and Neil Young can still crank them out at age ninety or however old he is now. Anyway, this is a disappointment for one reason- Heather Mills. Paul, I love you, but you don’t do primal scream as well as Lennon. I guess Paul does fare better when he’s writing silly love songs and not moaning over his failed marriage.

Honorable Mention- The Dropkick Murphys- The Meanest of Times, Modest Mouse- We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank, Animal Collective-Strawberry Jam, Neil Young- Chrome Dreams II, Rilo Kiley-Under the Blacklight

Stinker of the Year-  Gummibar- I Am Your Gummybear.

What do you get when you mix those guitarish vocals you get from those popular hip hop artists with a children’s cartoon character? A stroke.

Yeah, it’s pretty annoying. No doubt Gummibar is popular with three year olds. Actually I think three year olds would probably get a stroke too. Maybe they made Britney Spears listen to Gummibar and drove her to shave her head. He does a cover of Touch Me, which I’m sure softens the hearts of child protective services everywhere. Catch the Buj Buj Polka and Do You Think I’m Sexy (not the Rod Stewart cover). Here come Child Protective Services, Gummi.

And with that, I’ll make my exit before I get molested. See you next time.

2006

Ha, ha, that Olbermann cracks me up.

I’m now transported to the year 2006 where it’s midterm elections and Rush is foaming at the mouth. He even invents a dance called the Michael J. Fox. It works because it helps blow the election for his party. What an inconvenient truth.

It’s the year of something they call YouTube. Now you don’t have to submit a video of making a fool out of yourself to America’s Funniest People. Now you can look like a moron, or make someone else look like a moron, on the internet. We’ve come a long way since Rodney King, baby.

The Crocodile Hunter was forced to accept a teaching post in Australia which is odd since he was already in Australia. Bad sting ray! They demote Pluto to a buck private because he peed on Mickey’s rug. I didn’t know Mickey Mouse wore a toupee. Donald and Rosie don’t like each other. Okay, play nice, you two; it’s not like Donald is going to be President or something.

Mel Gibson is in hot water because he called a cop a Jew or something. The cop’s not even Catholic for Pat Robertson’s sake. Anyway, Mel’s pissed because Murtaugh wouldn’t bail him out. That and his movie career is tanking. They’ve got this show called fear factor where you have to do silly things to win a bike or something. And James Frey makes a fool out of Oprah. Shame on you, Jimmy, you’re the Weakest Link… goodbye!

Oh, and they executed that bad boy, Saddam. It was very clean; it was hardly botched at all, trust me.

Okay well I’m going to check out Myspace while Hannah Montana is on. I’m not going to act like a desperate housewife, honest.

And don’t forget to apply it to the forehead. Don’t you people know anything?

Event of the year: the Vice President mistakes a lobbyist buddy for a deer.

Fad: Bicyclists doing steroids

Babe of the Year: John Mark Karr

Scandal of the Year: Radical Muslims freak out when cartoons depict the prophet, Garfield.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Dog the Bounty Hunter

What we could have done without: Head On commercial (Apply directly to the forehead)

Pet of the year: Pluto

Other Tidbits: Kramer gets a little racial, Mel Gibson becomes a Jew, Rush Limbaugh mocks Alex Keaton, blows midterm elections, Donald Trump buys YouTube, Pluto declared a state, Saddam Hussein shares a cell with Charles Manson, Bin Laden gets a reality show, Mark Foley is ratted out as a Republican, Dan Rather retires to become REM’s drummer, Zidane is a hard head, Jon Benet Ramsey murder is solved; Colonel Mustard did it in the study, The Crocodile Hunter killed by a butterfly, Sean Hannity is waterboarded and is declared the weakest link- goodbye.

So here we go with another exciting chart. So, let’s get on with it…

1)  The Decemberists- The Crane Wife

2)  Neko Case- Fox Confessor Brings the Flood

3)  Grandaddy- Just Like the Fambly Cat

4)  Bruce Springsteen- The  Seeger Sessions

5)  Sybelle Baier- Colour Green

6)  Tom Petty- Highway Companion

7)  Gnarls Barkley- St. Elsewhere

8)  Johnny Cash- American V: A Hundred Highways

9)  Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins- Rabbit Fur Coat

10)  Beach House- Beach House

11)  Camera Obscura- Let’s Get Out of This Country

12)  Of Montreal- The Sundlandic Twins

13)  The Raconteurs- Broken Boy Soldiers

14)  M Ward- Post-War

15)  Belle and Sebastian- The Life Pursuit

16)  Cat Power- The Greatest

17)  The Black Keys- Magic Potion

18)  The Black Angels- Passover

19)  Beck- The Information

20)  Sparklehorse- Dreamt For Light Years In the Belly of a Mountain

21)  Muse- Black Holes and Revelations

22)  Gomez- How We Operate

23)  The Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Show Your Bones

24)  Howling Bells- Howling Bells

25)  Pernice Brothers- Live a Little

It was close as who to go with as the top spot. I did expect it to be The Crane Wife, the Decemberists’ best effort, but I was very impressed with Neko Case’s gem as well. In the end, I went with the Crane Wife but I could have gone with Fox Confessor just as well. Grandaddy has a strong showing while Springsteen comes up with his best effort, a fond homage to Pete Seeger, since Nebraska. My surprise rounds out the top five. I could go for anything in my lower ten but I’ll especially recommend Johnny Cash, Jenny Lewis, and Beach House. Gems in my top twenty-five include Camera Obscura, Belle and Sebastian, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs who do prove to be able to make a great album. Also have to shout out to the Howling Bells.

Biggest Surprise- Sybelle Baier- Colour Green.

I had a few surprises on this list from Jenny Lewis to Camera Obscura to even Neko Case.

But I went with someone most people probably haven’t heard of. I stumbled upon this album on Youtube a couple years ago and it’s one of the most beautiful folk albums I ever heard. Originally recorded on a reel to reel in the early seventies, he son gave copies to family members  and friends thirty years later, and one friend submitted it to Orange Twin, who released it in 2006 (source: Wikipedia). Anyhow, as the best folk seems to be, it is quite haunting.

Biggest Disappointment- Flaming Lips- At War With the Mystics

This was the first Flaming Lips album after their legendary Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. I guess you call it their Magical Mystery Tour to the Beatles’ Sergeant Pepper but this was a four year gap. Now instead of wonderfully quirky, the Flaming Lips are just weird. Too bad.

Honorable Mention- Neil Young- Living With War, Black Heart Procession- The Spell, The Roots- Game Theory, Band of Horses- Everything All the Time, Drive By Truckers- A Blessing and a Curse.

Stinker of the Year-  666Satanic Army666- Praise Him

No it’s isn’t a gospel album. Actually it’s not even an EP which is how it’s advertised. Of course they are praising the goodness of Lucifer himself, Donald Rumsfeld. Okay, so it’s not about Donald Rumsfeld. You know that because the flip side is Rise the Banners of Satan. Falwell and friends have nothing to worry about though. This album is the smoothest sounding piece of work since Metal Machine Music. And these guys weren’t even having bad contract negotiations.

Well, only eleven more of these you go. I hope I cover all the albums I  think I would have liked. In any event, I’ll see you next time.

2005

You can come out of the closet, Tom.

Boy what a year Tommy had. He jumps on some woman’s couch, then he tells off Matt Lauer, and then he gets mad because some cartoon is making fun of him. Chef is mad too because he’s leaving the South Park. Great, who’s going to make all those delicious school lunches now.

Yes, this is the year Scientology is accepted as the greatest religion in the world, that is, if you’re a Scientologist. Don’t go on the Sea Org though; I hear they make you swab the deck.

Michael Jackson’s on trial. He shows up in his pajamas and dances on cars. I think he’s trying to get a section eight. Maybe he thinks he’s Klinger and is still in Korea. Someone ought to grab him by the nose; on the other hand, maybe he shouldn’t.

They bring some baseball players to sign autographs and for Rafael Palmeiro insisting he did not have sexual relations with that woman or something like that. Nah, he was just doing steroids. They solved the BLT murders in Kansas. And don’t you love Phil Spector’s hair?

The big story though has to be the largest swimming pool ever built down in New Orleans. Boy that Katrina is generous. Kanye doesn’t think so though because he announces that George Bush doesn’t like black people. Well, that’s one way to stop these celebrity begathons every time there’s a major disaster. Maybe he should go on PBS.

Well, I guess it’s time to review my top twenty-five of 2005. Helluva job, Brownie, uh, talking dog (woof).

Event of the year: Pope John Paul II dies, replaced by Pope Benedict Arnold

Fad: Sailing on Bourbon Street

Babe of the Year: Mr. Garrison (South Park)

Scandal of the Year: Lance Armstrong wins Wimbledon, denies taking Gatorade

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl

What we could have done without: Natalie Holloway reports

Pet of the year: Crazy Frog

Other Tidbits: Brownie does a hell of a job before he’s forced to quit, Sean Penn wins the America’s Cup in the New Orleans flood, Kanye West announces George Bush doesn’t like Mike Myers, the BLT (Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato) Killer captured, Terry Schiavo feeding tube removed, makes a full recovery, Michael Jackson dances on a car in his pajamas, Bird Flu affects birds, prisoners go on hunger strike at Guantanamo, McDonalds budget increases, Martha Stewart bakes a cake- in jail, Baretta found not guilty; returns to his pet parrot in Hell Town, Rafael Palmerio insists he did not have sex with that woman- Monica Lewinsky, he is later suspended for having sex with that woman…, Runaway Bride is not a Pretty Woman, Deep Throat revealed as Linda Lovelace.

Oh do we have some tidbits to serve this year. And without further adieu…

1) Sufjan Stevens- Illinois

2)  Clap Your Hands Say Yeah- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

3)  New Pornographers- Twin Cinema

4)  Okkervil River- Black Sheep Boy

5)  The Like- Are You Thinking What I’m Thinking?

6)  My Morning Jacket- Z

7) The Decemberists- Picaresque

8)  Pernice Brothers- Discover a Lovelier You

9)  Bright Eyes- It’s Wide Awake It’s Morning

10)  White Stripes- Get Behind Me Satan

11)  Elbow- Leaders of the Free World

12)  Neil Young- Prairie Wind

13)  Aimee Mann- The Forgotten Arm

14) The Warlocks- Surgery

15)  The King Khan and BB Show- The King Khan and BBQ Show LP

16)  Enya- Amarantine

17)  Devendra Banhart- Cripple Crow

18)  Spoon- Gimme Fiction

19)  Nada Surf- The Weight is a Gift

20)  Fruit Bats- Spelled in Bones

21)  The Coral- The Invisible Invasion

22)  M Ward- Transistor Radio

23)  Animal Collective- Feels

24)  Beck- Guero

25)  Gorillaz- Demon Days

This is the year Sufjan Stevens breaks through with his classic, Illinois. It’s a beautiful, albeit sometimes morbid collection of songs. Maybe I should have my head examined as my favorite song on the album is John Wayne Gacy, freaky. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah was an indie sensation this year and, indeed, this album really is great listening. The New Pornographers, Okkervil River, and my surprise round out the top five. Gems in the top ten include the Decemberists, Pernice Brothers, and Bright Eyes. Gems in the top twenty-five include The Warlocks, The King Khan and BBQ Show, Nada Surf, and the Fruit Bats. Not mentioned but near misses include the Eels with Blinking Lights and Other Revelations and Sheryl Crow’s Wildflower.

Biggest Surprise-  The Like- Are You Thinking What I’m Thinking?

I’m actually a big fan of the Like’s next album, released five years later, but I was reading that their first album wasn’t all that great. Boy, were they wrong. This album speaks very much to me. While this isn’t as retro as Release Me will be, it is nonetheless a perfect piece of girl pop and I’m not talking about Britney Spears type of pop. This is an actual band and it’s a cool blend of sixties influences that sounds quite modern.

Biggest Disappointment- Depeche Mode- Playing the Angel

Okay, so this isn’t an especially bad album; it isn’t even Depeche Mode’s worst album. But I guess I am still waiting for the next Violator and this one isn’t it.

Honorable Mention-  Wezzer- Make Believe, LCD Soundsystem- LCD Soundsystem, Sigur Ros- Takk, Mercury Rev- The Secret Migration, The Raveonettes- Pretty in Black

Stinker of the Year-  Crazy Frog- Crazy Frog Presents Crazy Hits

Did you know Crazy Frog was once a member of the Chipmunks? Okay, so he wasn’t, but he certainly knew how to drive you crazy. The Crazy Frog is coming and you better run. It doesn’t help that one of the tracks is Who Let the Frog Out. Now was that clever or not? Okay, not. Maybe Bush should have tortured Brownie with this album for screwing up the Katrina recovery.

I better go before Crazy Frog catches me. Yep, better run fast. See you next time.