2005

You can come out of the closet, Tom.

Boy what a year Tommy had. He jumps on some woman’s couch, then he tells off Matt Lauer, and then he gets mad because some cartoon is making fun of him. Chef is mad too because he’s leaving the South Park. Great, who’s going to make all those delicious school lunches now.

Yes, this is the year Scientology is accepted as the greatest religion in the world, that is, if you’re a Scientologist. Don’t go on the Sea Org though; I hear they make you swab the deck.

Michael Jackson’s on trial. He shows up in his pajamas and dances on cars. I think he’s trying to get a section eight. Maybe he thinks he’s Klinger and is still in Korea. Someone ought to grab him by the nose; on the other hand, maybe he shouldn’t.

They bring some baseball players to sign autographs and for Rafael Palmeiro insisting he did not have sexual relations with that woman or something like that. Nah, he was just doing steroids. They solved the BLT murders in Kansas. And don’t you love Phil Spector’s hair?

The big story though has to be the largest swimming pool ever built down in New Orleans. Boy that Katrina is generous. Kanye doesn’t think so though because he announces that George Bush doesn’t like black people. Well, that’s one way to stop these celebrity begathons every time there’s a major disaster. Maybe he should go on PBS.

Well, I guess it’s time to review my top twenty-five of 2005. Helluva job, Brownie, uh, talking dog (woof).

Event of the year: Pope John Paul II dies, replaced by Pope Benedict Arnold

Fad: Sailing on Bourbon Street

Babe of the Year: Mr. Garrison (South Park)

Scandal of the Year: Lance Armstrong wins Wimbledon, denies taking Gatorade

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl

What we could have done without: Natalie Holloway reports

Pet of the year: Crazy Frog

Other Tidbits: Brownie does a hell of a job before he’s forced to quit, Sean Penn wins the America’s Cup in the New Orleans flood, Kanye West announces George Bush doesn’t like Mike Myers, the BLT (Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato) Killer captured, Terry Schiavo feeding tube removed, makes a full recovery, Michael Jackson dances on a car in his pajamas, Bird Flu affects birds, prisoners go on hunger strike at Guantanamo, McDonalds budget increases, Martha Stewart bakes a cake- in jail, Baretta found not guilty; returns to his pet parrot in Hell Town, Rafael Palmerio insists he did not have sex with that woman- Monica Lewinsky, he is later suspended for having sex with that woman…, Runaway Bride is not a Pretty Woman, Deep Throat revealed as Linda Lovelace.

Oh do we have some tidbits to serve this year. And without further adieu…

1) Sufjan Stevens- Illinois

2)  Clap Your Hands Say Yeah- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

3)  New Pornographers- Twin Cinema

4)  Okkervil River- Black Sheep Boy

5)  The Like- Are You Thinking What I’m Thinking?

6)  My Morning Jacket- Z

7) The Decemberists- Picaresque

8)  Pernice Brothers- Discover a Lovelier You

9)  Bright Eyes- It’s Wide Awake It’s Morning

10)  White Stripes- Get Behind Me Satan

11)  Elbow- Leaders of the Free World

12)  Neil Young- Prairie Wind

13)  Aimee Mann- The Forgotten Arm

14) The Warlocks- Surgery

15)  The King Khan and BB Show- The King Khan and BBQ Show LP

16)  Enya- Amarantine

17)  Devendra Banhart- Cripple Crow

18)  Spoon- Gimme Fiction

19)  Nada Surf- The Weight is a Gift

20)  Fruit Bats- Spelled in Bones

21)  The Coral- The Invisible Invasion

22)  M Ward- Transistor Radio

23)  Animal Collective- Feels

24)  Beck- Guero

25)  Gorillaz- Demon Days

This is the year Sufjan Stevens breaks through with his classic, Illinois. It’s a beautiful, albeit sometimes morbid collection of songs. Maybe I should have my head examined as my favorite song on the album is John Wayne Gacy, freaky. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah was an indie sensation this year and, indeed, this album really is great listening. The New Pornographers, Okkervil River, and my surprise round out the top five. Gems in the top ten include the Decemberists, Pernice Brothers, and Bright Eyes. Gems in the top twenty-five include The Warlocks, The King Khan and BBQ Show, Nada Surf, and the Fruit Bats. Not mentioned but near misses include the Eels with Blinking Lights and Other Revelations and Sheryl Crow’s Wildflower.

Biggest Surprise-  The Like- Are You Thinking What I’m Thinking?

I’m actually a big fan of the Like’s next album, released five years later, but I was reading that their first album wasn’t all that great. Boy, were they wrong. This album speaks very much to me. While this isn’t as retro as Release Me will be, it is nonetheless a perfect piece of girl pop and I’m not talking about Britney Spears type of pop. This is an actual band and it’s a cool blend of sixties influences that sounds quite modern.

Biggest Disappointment- Depeche Mode- Playing the Angel

Okay, so this isn’t an especially bad album; it isn’t even Depeche Mode’s worst album. But I guess I am still waiting for the next Violator and this one isn’t it.

Honorable Mention-  Wezzer- Make Believe, LCD Soundsystem- LCD Soundsystem, Sigur Ros- Takk, Mercury Rev- The Secret Migration, The Raveonettes- Pretty in Black

Stinker of the Year-  Crazy Frog- Crazy Frog Presents Crazy Hits

Did you know Crazy Frog was once a member of the Chipmunks? Okay, so he wasn’t, but he certainly knew how to drive you crazy. The Crazy Frog is coming and you better run. It doesn’t help that one of the tracks is Who Let the Frog Out. Now was that clever or not? Okay, not. Maybe Bush should have tortured Brownie with this album for screwing up the Katrina recovery.

I better go before Crazy Frog catches me. Yep, better run fast. See you next time.