2006

Ha, ha, that Olbermann cracks me up.

I’m now transported to the year 2006 where it’s midterm elections and Rush is foaming at the mouth. He even invents a dance called the Michael J. Fox. It works because it helps blow the election for his party. What an inconvenient truth.

It’s the year of something they call YouTube. Now you don’t have to submit a video of making a fool out of yourself to America’s Funniest People. Now you can look like a moron, or make someone else look like a moron, on the internet. We’ve come a long way since Rodney King, baby.

The Crocodile Hunter was forced to accept a teaching post in Australia which is odd since he was already in Australia. Bad sting ray! They demote Pluto to a buck private because he peed on Mickey’s rug. I didn’t know Mickey Mouse wore a toupee. Donald and Rosie don’t like each other. Okay, play nice, you two; it’s not like Donald is going to be President or something.

Mel Gibson is in hot water because he called a cop a Jew or something. The cop’s not even Catholic for Pat Robertson’s sake. Anyway, Mel’s pissed because Murtaugh wouldn’t bail him out. That and his movie career is tanking. They’ve got this show called fear factor where you have to do silly things to win a bike or something. And James Frey makes a fool out of Oprah. Shame on you, Jimmy, you’re the Weakest Link… goodbye!

Oh, and they executed that bad boy, Saddam. It was very clean; it was hardly botched at all, trust me.

Okay well I’m going to check out Myspace while Hannah Montana is on. I’m not going to act like a desperate housewife, honest.

And don’t forget to apply it to the forehead. Don’t you people know anything?

Event of the year: the Vice President mistakes a lobbyist buddy for a deer.

Fad: Bicyclists doing steroids

Babe of the Year: John Mark Karr

Scandal of the Year: Radical Muslims freak out when cartoons depict the prophet, Garfield.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Dog the Bounty Hunter

What we could have done without: Head On commercial (Apply directly to the forehead)

Pet of the year: Pluto

Other Tidbits: Kramer gets a little racial, Mel Gibson becomes a Jew, Rush Limbaugh mocks Alex Keaton, blows midterm elections, Donald Trump buys YouTube, Pluto declared a state, Saddam Hussein shares a cell with Charles Manson, Bin Laden gets a reality show, Mark Foley is ratted out as a Republican, Dan Rather retires to become REM’s drummer, Zidane is a hard head, Jon Benet Ramsey murder is solved; Colonel Mustard did it in the study, The Crocodile Hunter killed by a butterfly, Sean Hannity is waterboarded and is declared the weakest link- goodbye.

So here we go with another exciting chart. So, let’s get on with it…

1)  The Decemberists- The Crane Wife

2)  Neko Case- Fox Confessor Brings the Flood

3)  Grandaddy- Just Like the Fambly Cat

4)  Bruce Springsteen- The  Seeger Sessions

5)  Sybelle Baier- Colour Green

6)  Tom Petty- Highway Companion

7)  Gnarls Barkley- St. Elsewhere

8)  Johnny Cash- American V: A Hundred Highways

9)  Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins- Rabbit Fur Coat

10)  Beach House- Beach House

11)  Camera Obscura- Let’s Get Out of This Country

12)  Of Montreal- The Sundlandic Twins

13)  The Raconteurs- Broken Boy Soldiers

14)  M Ward- Post-War

15)  Belle and Sebastian- The Life Pursuit

16)  Cat Power- The Greatest

17)  The Black Keys- Magic Potion

18)  The Black Angels- Passover

19)  Beck- The Information

20)  Sparklehorse- Dreamt For Light Years In the Belly of a Mountain

21)  Muse- Black Holes and Revelations

22)  Gomez- How We Operate

23)  The Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Show Your Bones

24)  Howling Bells- Howling Bells

25)  Pernice Brothers- Live a Little

It was close as who to go with as the top spot. I did expect it to be The Crane Wife, the Decemberists’ best effort, but I was very impressed with Neko Case’s gem as well. In the end, I went with the Crane Wife but I could have gone with Fox Confessor just as well. Grandaddy has a strong showing while Springsteen comes up with his best effort, a fond homage to Pete Seeger, since Nebraska. My surprise rounds out the top five. I could go for anything in my lower ten but I’ll especially recommend Johnny Cash, Jenny Lewis, and Beach House. Gems in my top twenty-five include Camera Obscura, Belle and Sebastian, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs who do prove to be able to make a great album. Also have to shout out to the Howling Bells.

Biggest Surprise- Sybelle Baier- Colour Green.

I had a few surprises on this list from Jenny Lewis to Camera Obscura to even Neko Case.

But I went with someone most people probably haven’t heard of. I stumbled upon this album on Youtube a couple years ago and it’s one of the most beautiful folk albums I ever heard. Originally recorded on a reel to reel in the early seventies, he son gave copies to family members  and friends thirty years later, and one friend submitted it to Orange Twin, who released it in 2006 (source: Wikipedia). Anyhow, as the best folk seems to be, it is quite haunting.

Biggest Disappointment- Flaming Lips- At War With the Mystics

This was the first Flaming Lips album after their legendary Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. I guess you call it their Magical Mystery Tour to the Beatles’ Sergeant Pepper but this was a four year gap. Now instead of wonderfully quirky, the Flaming Lips are just weird. Too bad.

Honorable Mention- Neil Young- Living With War, Black Heart Procession- The Spell, The Roots- Game Theory, Band of Horses- Everything All the Time, Drive By Truckers- A Blessing and a Curse.

Stinker of the Year-  666Satanic Army666- Praise Him

No it’s isn’t a gospel album. Actually it’s not even an EP which is how it’s advertised. Of course they are praising the goodness of Lucifer himself, Donald Rumsfeld. Okay, so it’s not about Donald Rumsfeld. You know that because the flip side is Rise the Banners of Satan. Falwell and friends have nothing to worry about though. This album is the smoothest sounding piece of work since Metal Machine Music. And these guys weren’t even having bad contract negotiations.

Well, only eleven more of these you go. I hope I cover all the albums I  think I would have liked. In any event, I’ll see you next time.