2008

 Hey, can I call you Joe? You betcha!

Yes, here I am transported to the year 2008 where everyone says yes, we can. But first,  Or Her Either

wants to be President. I mean she was a Senator from New York even though she was really from Arkansas by way of Illinois. But, hey, her husband was President once so why can’t she be President too? Then that little brat, Obama, had to mess up the whole thing. No worries, though, she can land in Bosnia under sniper fire and warn that anything can happen like RFK’s assassination. And she called Obama ambitious.

So Obama has a clear field to the Presidency finally. Except now he has to run against this war hero or something. And he might win too because the fundamentals of the economy are sound. And, dig his running mate. She’s so down to Earth and folksy. She doesn’t even read newspapers. Yes, she’s a fine candidate for Vice President. Unfortunately, she gets schooled by Katie Couric of all people. And it all goes downhill from there.

So now we have to keep hope alive. That sucks because I was hoping we could kill hope once and for all. Having hope always gets in the way of doing substantial things like blaming everybody but yourself. Bah! That's no fun.

Well, I have my popcorn ready because they keep messing up the Olympic Torch Relay because they don’t like how China is treating Tibet or something. Meanwhile, some Governor is selling Obama’s  Senate seat. Hey, Blago, I’ll bid five dollars. And some guy named Elliott is caught texting some happy hooker or something and he has to resign as Governor. Maybe he should try a talk show or something.

I have to go; my toilet is backed up. Hello, Joe the Plumber? How’s Josephine?

My top twenty-five of 2008

Event of the year: Barack Obama is signed by RCA records and scores big with Heartbreak Hotel.

Fad: Stealing the Olympic Torch

Babe of the Year: Sarah Palin

Scandal of the Year: Governor Rod Blagojevich sells Obama’s Senate Seat to Michael Jackson

Movie or TV show to barf to: Jersey Shore

What we could have done without: The Kardashians

Pet of the year: Joe the Plumber

Other Tidbits: Hillary Clinton survives sniper fire in Bosina, Obama scores a perfect game in bowling, Sarah Palin is schooled by Katie Couric, Chuck Norris is declared the most interesting man in the world, Joe Biden tells Palin she can call him Al, McCain says the fundamentals of the economy is strong after it collapses, you can buy a house for a $1.95, George Bush bails out Lee Iacoca on a littering charge, Elliott Spitzer becomes a call girl, Jeremiah Wright causes controversy when Kanye West says he hates white people, Brett Favre retires, then unretires, then…,  a gallon is gas is more expensive than a house, OJ Simpson convicted of spitting on the sidewalk, gets 9 to 33 years, Joe the Plumber becomes a ballerina.

So let’s see what we have in store for this year, shall we?...

1)  Fleet Foxes- Fleet Foxes

2)  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- Dig Lazarus Dig

3)  Conor Oberst- Conor Oberst

4)  Sam Phillips- Don’t Do Anything

5)  Gnarls Barkley- The Odd Couple

6)  Beach House- Devotion

7)  Okkervil River- The Stand Ins

8)  REM- Accelerate

9)  Portishead-Third

10)  The Duchess and the Duke- She’s the Duchess, He’s the Duke

11)  Ty Segall- Ty Segall

12)  Boston Spaceships-Brown Submarine

13)  Raconteurs- Consolers of the Lonely

14)  Aimee Mann- %^&* Smilers

15)  Sheryl Crow- Detours

16)  The Oh Sees- The Master’s Bedroom Is Worth Spending a Night In

17)  Old 97’s- Blame It On Gravity

18)  Beck- Modern Guilt

19)  Black Keys- Attack and Release

20)  Bon Iver- For Emma Long Ago

21)  Sun Kil Moon- April

22)  Lucinda Williams- Little Honey

23)  MGMT- Oracular Spectacular

24)  Cage the Elephant- Cage the Elephant

25)  Death Cab For Cutie- Narrow Stairs

I really like my top five this year. I remember hearing the Fleet Foxes and totally fell in love with their Neil Young-like melodies. In the runner-up spot, we have Nick Cave with his best album since Tender Prey, Conor Oberst scores big as he always seems to do while Sam Phillips has her best effort since Martinis and Bikinis. My actual surprise, and it’s a big one, rounds out my top five. The bottom half of the top ten are no slouches either as I’m especially impressed with Beach House, comeback albums by REM and Portishead, and a crazy folk album by the Duchess and the Duke. Other gems in my top twenty-five include Boston Spaceships, Sheryl Crow (of all people), The Oh Sees, and a surprising album from MGMT.

Biggest Surprise- Gnarls Barkley- The Odd Couple

Gnarls Barkley was an interesting soul band (I guess) that had a monster hit with Crazy a couple years earlier and a decent album. The critics weren’t so crazy about this effort though. So, as it turned out, I liked this album even better than St. Elsewhere. It tells you what music critics really know. This album really is kind of funky to me. I liked it a lot.

Biggest Disappointment- Brian Jonestown Massacre- My Bloody Underground

Actually, this should be my stinker of the year but who can top Vanilla Ice? The song titles alone are off putting and, at times, they seem to be doing their own version of Metal Machine Music. It’s an amazingly offensive album overall and, yeah, I know these guys weren’t exactly choirboys, but come on, the Hitler Youth was a long time ago, guys.

Honorable Mention- Nada Surf- Lucky, The Tallest Man On Earth- Shallow Grave, Laura Marling- Alas, I Cannot Swim, Cat Power- Jukebox, The Walkmen- You and Me

Stinker of the Year-  Vanilla Ice- Vanilla Ice is Back- Hip Hop Classics.

And he makes a comeback. And we wish he went away again. He swears he wasn’t responsible for the creative control. Yeah, sure. Anyway, this talented member of Malibu’s Most Wanted gets jiggy with renditions of You Dropped a Bomb On Me, Baby’s Got Back, and, Buffalo Soldier (which I’m sure is a totally different song that Bob Marley did). And for you fans out there, he does four different mixes of his legendary (not!) Ice Ice Baby. I’m covered with goosebumps all over.

So It’s bye bye Bush and Hello Obama and, contrary to rumors, Sarah Palin is of no relation to Michael Palin of Monty Python (thank god). Anyhow, stayed tuned and I’ll see you next time.