1973

The talking dog has transported me to the year 1973. I see they’re picking on a nice guy named Spiro (is that short for Spirograph?). All those effete snobs are picking on him and now he has to resign as Vice-President. Okay, so maybe cheating on his taxes wasn’t such a great idea either.

But Dick really has some splanin’ to do. He really needs to hire better plumbers. He’d blame everything on Obama but he hasn’t heard of him yet, so he blames Deanie instead for telling Dick he has cancer (or is it the presidency that has cancer? Oh those semantics). It will be okay though; Dick fired that special prosecutor because everyone knows it’s wrong to correct a President since it’s never illegal when the President does it (talk about immunity). And everyone knows he’s not a crook. Spiro Agnew, on the other hand…

They have a tennis match this year which proves that a young athletic woman is better than a overweight middle-aged man. Score one for Women’s Liberation. Hold the pickle, hold the lettuce; I’ll do it my way and go to McDonalds’. OJ Simpson runs and runs. Soon he’ll be jumping over barriers for a car rental company, starring with Priscilla Presley, and something else, but for some reason, I can’t remember what that could possibly be.

Hey did anyone see this movie called Deep Throat? Well, Linda Lovelace is telling those two nice Washington Post reporters all the dirt on Dick. I didn’t know they allowed porn stars in the White House, at least not until Clinton. Oh, well, I guess you want to see my list for 1973. Well, alrighty then- spoilsport!

Event of the year: Bobby Riggs sucks at tennis; he can’t even beat a girl.

Fad:  Watergate Hearings

Babe of the Year: Edith Bunker

Scandal of the Year: Peter breaks Marcia’s nose with his football

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Ernest Angsley Hour

What we could have done without: Tony Orlando and Dawn

Pet of the year: Morris the Cat

Other Tidbits: OPEC sanctions Israel supporters, the rickshaw business booms, Nixon announces he’s not a crook and robs a bank, Roe defeats Wade at Wimbledon, somebody’s heart is buried at Wounded Knee, Agnew resigns, wins horse racing’s Triple Crown,  US out of Vietnam, invades Canada, Jews and Arabs celebrate Yom Kippur by having a war, Nixon has a party on Saturday Night, Nixon appoints Beelzebub as Vice President, Fred Sanford has a heart attack every week, NASA launches the Seaview; strange undersea monsters discovered including Marilyn Manson.

As for the music, I think the albums this year could be a slight improvement over last year’s (though I still like 72 better :D). Okay, here goes…

1)  Stevie Wonder- Innervisions

2)  David Bowie- Alladin Sane

3)  New York Dolls- New York Dolls

4)  Paul McCartney and Wings- Band on the Run

5)  Pink Floyd- The Dark Side of the Moon

6)  The Who- Quadrophenia

7)  John Cale- Paris 1919

8)  Elton John- Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

9)  Toots and the Maytals- Funky Kingston

10)  Alice Cooper- Billion Dollar Babies

11)  Led Zeppelin- Houses of the Holy

12)  Bruce Springsteen- Greetings From Asbury Park

13)  King Crimson- Lark’s Tongue in Aspic

14)  The Stooges- Raw Power

15)  Argent- In Deep

16)  The Wailers- Burnin’

17)  Electric Light Orchestra- On the Third Day

18)  The Mothers of Invention- Overnite Sensation

19)  Can- Future Days

20)  Sly and the Family Stone- Fresh

21)  Paul Simon- There Goes Rhymin’ Simon

22)  Ringo Starr- Ringo

23)  Queen- Queen

24)  Roxy Music- For Your Pleasure

25)  Marvin Gaye- Let’s Get It On

Stevie Wonder wins the Gold this year as his Innervisions is perhaps my favorite soul album ever. This is the year of Dark Side of the Moon but they have to settle for number five being blocked out by the likes of David Bowie, The New York Dolls ( another great seminal album) and Paul McCartney’s best effort. This was the era of the superstars and McCartney (as well as Wonder and Elton John) would be caught up in the hype. It might have ruined McCartney and Elton a little. Elton John meanwhile scores with his other great album, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. Other great gems include the Who’s other rock opera, Quadrophenia, John Cale’s Paris 1919, Toots and the Maytals (who probably should be my biggest surprise but I have my reasons, no fault of Toots). Gems outside of the top ten include Springsteen’s debut, Argent’s In Deep, ELO, and Ringo’s album. Enjoy it while it lasts, Ringo; I won’t be seeing you in the top twenty-five again :D.

Biggest Surprise- Can- Future Days.

To be honest I couldn’t get into earlier Can albums so I wasn’t expecting much here. In fact, I almost didn’t even play it thinking it wouldn’t matter anyway. But I know their reputation so I did.

And I was glad. This is krautrock at its best. Even if a couple songs seem too long on paper, Bel Air seems to play like four or five quality tracks. This is an album I can simply relax and listen to, much like the jazz albums from the early days.

Biggest Disappointment- The Rolling Stones- Goat’s Head Soup.

You know, I’m beginning to think the Stones are like that girl with the proverbial curl. I guess this album symbolizes the end of the Rolling Stones’ classic period. At least this is the last disappointment as I don’t expect much in the way of classics anymore from them. They do have two great albums in their future though, including next year’s album, but this year (except for Angie), ugh!

Honorable Mention- Bruce Springsteen- The Wild, the Innocent, and the E-Street Shuffle, Suzi Quatro- Suzi Quatro, Roxy Music- Stranded, Steve Miller Band- The Joker, The Eagles- Desperado.

Stinker of the Year-  Burt Reynolds- Ask Me What I Am.

The latest in the tried and true tradition (and this album is really trying) of actors thinking they can be rock n roll superstars. Here, Burt Reynolds is trying to be Neil Diamond which I guess is better than trying (and failing) to sound like Neil Young. He’s a real babe too. He did a centerfold in Cosmopolitan Magazine the year before. Oh, yeah, this guy was hot and so was his ego. Unfortunately his album wasn’t.

Okay that’s it for 1973. Come back later as Glam gradually starts to transform into punk. See you then.

1972

Boy he’s annoying. Would you grumble just once, smiley face?

I’m now in 1972 and a bunch of plumbers are trying to re-elect President Dick. They’re good plumbers. They fixed all the pipes at this big hotel called Watergate in less than a day. Unfortunately, they forgot one pipe and the place flooded. Now they’re in trouble. I hope they don’t try to fix the White House- they might make the President resign or something.

They want Archie Bunker to run for President. I think he should run for President of China even though he hates the Chinese. Then again, he hates the blacks, Jews, Hispanics, Catholics, people from Jersey, geez, Archie, don’t you like anybody? Even Edith?

They’ve invented this new game called Pong. It’s the most exciting game I’ve ever seen. Basically it’s like playing tennis on a computer, only you’re not. What sorts of excitement. I bet they’ll never top this.

Vito Corleone wants me to squeal like a pig. Either that or I got my movies all mixed up again. Talking dog, you have to stop letting me stay up for those midnight movies. Do you know how many times I’ve seen Pink Flamingos now? No, I won’t eat…

President Dick is in China. He should grow a Fu Manchu mustache if he wants to be popular. No matter; he gets re-elected anyway. I think I’ll watch some Mike Douglas. I hear John and Yoko have Chuck Berry as a guest and I can’t wait to see his eyes pop out when Yoko wails.

Oh, and Ziggy plays guitar. Who is Ziggy anyway? He’s seems a little glamorous to me.

Well, anyway, here comes my list for 1972…

Event of the year: Jane Fonda visits Vietnam and promises to end Communism in China.

Fad:  Ping Pong while playing Chess

Babe of the Year: Alice Cooper

Scandal of the Year: Archie Bunker kept off the ballot in the Presidential Election

Movie or TV show to barf to: The scene in Pink Flamingos where Divine eats dog poo.

What we could have done without: The Munich Olympics Massacre

Pet of the year: Mark Spitz

Other Tidbits: Nixon visits China and marries a panda, plumbers jailed for fixing pipes at the Watergate Hotel, Yoko sings on Mike Douglas, John Lennon being spied on by plumbers, England not given back to the Irish, George Wallace is shot because Arthur Bremer hates comedians, Michael Jackson sings to a rat, Nelson Beatty forced to squeal like a pig, Superfly defeats Shaft for the Heavyweight title, George McGovern has a nice day but still doesn’t get elected, Evel Knievel is actually not evil at all; a little mixed up maybe.

Okay, silly season is over. Let’s continue the glam portion of my charts while school is still out (for summer).

1)  David Bowie- Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars

2)  Lou Reed- Transformer

3)  Stevie Wonder- Talking Book

4)  Deep Purple- Machine Head

5)  Elton John- Honky Chateau

6)  Curtis Mayfield- Superfly

7) The Rolling Stones- Exile on Main Street

8)  Big Star- #1 Record

9)  Electric Light Orchestra- Electric Light Orchestra

10) Neil Young- Harvest

11) T Rex- The Slider

12)  Joni Mitchell- For the Roses

13)  Aphrodite’s Child- 666

14)  Stevie Wonder- Music of My Mind

15)  The Sensational Alex Harvey Band- Framed

16)  Raspberries- Raspberries

17)  Paul Simon- Paul Simon

18)  The Moody Blues- Seventh Sojurn

19)  Emerson Lake and Palmer- Trilogy

20)  Genesis- Foxtrot

21)  The Wackers- Hot Wacks

22)  The Temptations- All Directions

23)  Aretha Franklin- Young Gifted and Black

24)  Yes- Close to the Edge

25)  Steve Miller Band- Recall the Beginning… A Journey From Eden

The quality of albums starts to go down a little this year (singles would have been another story). Still it’s pretty high quality at the top as Bowie again leads the charts with his seminal album. Glam rock and similar sounding records are the rage this year and Lou Reed gets the silver this year. Stevie Wonder begins his golden period (actually it started last year with Where I’m Coming From) with Talking Book. He also scores with Music In My Mind. Deep Purple’s classic comes in at four and Elton John rounds out the top five with his best effort. Big Star is a standout in the lower ten, while Joni Mitchell surprises at number twelve. Other standouts include the Raspberries, the Wackers, and the Temptations.

Biggest Surprise- The Sensational Alex Harvey Band- Framed.

Did I mention I’m really into glam rock? Anyhow, I didn’t know what to expect from these guys given the title track (which I love) was the only thing I heard from them. The whole album though is excellent from beginning to end. Actually, Alex Harvey probably doesn’t fit with the glam later. Yeah I can hear Bowie but there is no T Rex or (thankfully) Gary Glitter. Maybe that’s the album’s strength. Alex Harvey charts his own course and comes up with a nice piece of work.

Biggest Disappointment- John Lennon and Yoko Ono- Sometime in New York City.

Is it the worst album ever, no. But geez what in the name of Paul McCartney made Lennon think he would be welcomed with open arms with a song titled Woman is the N***** of the World? There are a couple decent tracks on the album, but overall this album rates right down there with their other music opus, Two Virgins.

Honorable Mention- Steely Dan- Can’t Buy a Thrill, Argent- All Together Now, Van Morrison- St. Dominic’s Preview, Todd Rundgren- Something/Anything, Raspberries- Fresh

Stinker of the Year-  Captain Hook and His Crew- Shiver My Timbers

Shiver Me Timbers. It’s a gospel kids’ album. Let’s hear the fun Captain Hook (shouldn’t Peter Pan be suing?) and his ship mates sing the joys of salvation. Watch him change the lyrics to Joy to The World (shouldn’t Three Dog Night sue?). I just thought of something. Should he have maybe used a better album title? (That girl really shivers my timbers :D). Maybe Hugh Hefner should sue too.

Well, that’s it for this year. Next week we go into the wonderful world of Watergate so I’ll see you then.

1971

The talking dog has transported me to the year 1971 where everyone is screaming Attica, though I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because Mikey likes Life cereal; I like Cheerios myself. Everyone is psyched for the Heavyweight boxing match between Lennon and McCartney. And Archie Bunker’s the most popular guy since Elvis. Yeah, let me see you play guitar while singing Blue Suede Shoes- yeah, I don’t think so.

There’s this guy named Dirty Harry that’s asking people if they feel lucky. He doesn’t like hippies either. Maybe he should smoke marijuana in Muskogee. He doesn’t wear hot pants either. Liberace wears hot pants. Everyone thinks he’s gay but he swears he isn’t- he just kissed Rock Hudson as a joke. Shaft is the biggest m- shut your mouth!

Donny Osmond becomes the newest teen heartthrob. He’s two years old. David Cassidy is popular too but he doesn’t like to come on and get happy. He thinks he loves you though- he’s weird.

Mick Jagger marries Bianca because he has bad breath or something. Astronauts are golfing on the moon but I don’t think Arnold Palmer has anything to worry about. CBS cancels Hee Haw and the Beverly Hillbillies. Good thing I prefer Johnny Cash myself. You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows, but it helps if you want something blown up. What do you mean Joy To the World isn’t a Christmas Song anymore? Three dogs sing it now?

And I have listened to my favorite albums of 1971. Gertie’s getting hip this year and she’s getting groovy. By the way- groovy is the most popular word since middle aged people were doing the Twist. Anyway, here we go…

Event of the year: Charles Manson gets the Death Penalty taken away from him

Fad:  Reading the Pentagon Papers in hot pants.

Babe of the Year: Hanoi Jane

Scandal of the Year: Margaret Thatcher takes away children’s milk and is known as the Iron B****

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Partridge Family

What we could have done without: Air pollution

Pet of the year: Woodsy Owl

Other Tidbits: The Pentagon Papers is the best selling book of 1971, Richard Nixon creates a best friends’ list, Red China admitted to the NFL, Attica Prison riots when rumors of an Osmond concert circulates, The US Supreme Court allows busing at Greyhound, Frazier and Ali do a Vitalis commercial (seriously), cigarette advertising to adults on TV ends, now they advertise to minors in magazines, Jim Morrison becomes a Lizard King, A Native American cries, Attica! Attica!

This is the year we start seeing some Glam Rock. Psychedelia is all but dead with one or two exceptions (note Pink Floyd). Anyway, here we go…

1)  David Bowie- Hunky Dory

2) John Lennon- Imagine

3)  The Who- Who’s Next

4)  The Rolling Stones- Sticky Fingers

5)  Yes- The Yes Album

6)  The Beach Boys- Surf’s Up

7)  Jethro Tull- Aqualung

8)  Marvin Gaye- What’s Going On

9)  Paul McCartney- Ram

10)  Alice Cooper- Killer

11)  T. Rex- Electric Warrior

12)  Led Zeppelin- Led Zeppelin IV

13)  Leonard Cohen- Songs of Love and Hate

14)  The Doors- LA Woman

15)  Joni Mitchell- Blue

16)  Sly and the Family Stone- There’s a Riot Goin’ On

17)  Yes- Fragile

18)  The Kinks- Muswell Hillbillies

19)  Traffic- The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys

20)  Pink Floyd- Meddle

21)  Johnny Cash- Man in Black

22)  Stevie Wonder- Where I’m Coming From

23)  Gil Scott-Heron- Pieces of a Man

24)  Black Sabbath- Master of Reality

25)  Curtis Mayfield- Roots

For one last year, The Beatles, by way of solo efforts, score big on my chart. This time it’s Lennon and McCartney, the latter scoring with my surprise of the year. David Bowie takes the top spot though with his flamboyant Hunky Dory. This is my favorite Bowie album and he has quite a few great albums in his future. The Holy Trinity (if you include Lennon by way of the Beatles) are all in the top five as the Who and Stones score with their classics. Yes rounds out the top five with the Yes Album. I think that album is far superior to their other album that year, Fragile, despite a couple classic tracks from that album. The Beach Boys have one more great album in Surf’s Up but it seems more like Sunflower II in some ways. Aqualung is Jethro Tull’s best effort. Alice Cooper rounds out the top ten with Killer and gets an honorable mention with Love It To Death. Other standouts include T. Rex, Leonard Cohen, Traffic, Johnny Cash, and Gil Scott-Heron. Not a heavy metal fan but I have to admit, Masters of Reality is a great album and makes my list. Also, if you’re a folkie, give Michaelangelo’s One Voice Many a listen (in my HMs).

Biggest Surprise- Paul McCartney- Ram. 

Yeah, I liked the album to begin with but considering how he was being lambasted for being too cutesy pie after the Beatles’ breakup, this album pretty much rocks; only Band on the Run is better, imo. And Too Many People (which should have been the A side to Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey), is almost as scathing as Lennon’s How Do You Sleep as is his Three Legs. Great album.

Biggest Disappointment- Ten Years After- A Place in Time.

 I hate it when you get an album for one song. I’d Love To Change the World is easily one of my favorite songs of 1971, but the rest of the album, well, isn’t all that great.

Honorable Mention- John Entwistle- Smash Your Head Against the Wall, Carole King- Tapestry, Alice Cooper- Love It To Death, Moody Blues- Every Boy Deserves Good Favour, Michelangelo- One Voice Many

Stinker of the Year-  The Partridge Family- A Partridge Family Christmas Card

Hey, it’s the Partridge Family for Donny Osmond’s sake. And they’re singing Christmas Songs to boot. Well, I don’t know. I guess it beats the episode where they’re in Detroit and trying to sound like the Supremes or something. Anyway, it is the late great David Cassidy and still with us Shirley Jones singing for the other characters as usual. Danny didn’t mind; he was just a little brat anyway.

So we begin to get a little deeper into the seventies. Stay tuned for the year before Watergate. Until then, let’s take a bus ride, shall we?

1970

I’m being transported to the year 1970, the beginning of the ‘Me Decade.’ I’m being chased by some guy in a HR Pufunstuf suit and he’s got some talking flute with him. Scooby Doo should bite him.

People are wearing their bell bottoms and multi-colored pants and shirts. They even carry pocketbooks- and these are the guys. Women are taking their bras off in public and, well, you can imagine what’s going on in those teenage boys’ minds and, um, hands. Girls are going bonkers for Bobby Sherman while boys like, well, women that take off their bras.

The people celebrate the first Earth Day by having picnics in parks. They only leave half the garbage they usually do. And everybody’s watching Mary Tyler Moore. Do you know she has spunk? I hate spunk!

The Beatles break up this year because Ringo marries Yoko or something. Simon and Garfunkel break up too, I guess that’s Yoko’s fault too. People keep hijacking planes to Cuba. I guess Vietnam is too hot for them. It’s not too hot for Bob Hope though. If he was really brave, he’d do a show up in Siberia. The huskies need entertainment too, you know.

And Elvis gets to meet Nixon. Big deal. I want to see President Dick meet Charlie Manson in the White House- now that would be a photo-op.

Okay, okay, you want to see my top twenty-five list for 1970, or maybe you don’t. Maybe you boys want to see me take my bra off- you naughty boys. You’re getting the top twenty-five instead.

And here we go…

Event of the year: Elvis meets Nixon. Elvis Presley appointed Secretary of State.

Fad: Hijacking to Cuba

Babes of the Year: Bert and Ernie

Scandal of the Year: Hotlips Houlihan seen naked

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Brady Bunch

What we could have done without: The Bombing of Cambodia

Pet of the year: Scooby Doo

Other Tidbits: The Beatles break up, Ringo Starr becomes a beautician, Apollo 13 is shot down by Martians on the Moon, the US declares war on Venus, Venera lands on Venus and encounters men with three eyes, The Chicago Seven change their name to the St. Louis Eight, Dogs win the right to vote, National Guard disbands at Kent State, Neil Young writes Four Dead in Idaho, The life expectancy of rock stars drops to 27, Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin get married, Art Garfunkel files for divorce from Paul Simon, marries James Taylor, everyone blames Yoko, Brooks Robinson rules.

The music is getting heavier and the top Twenty-Five is reflecting this. So let’s take off, shall we?

1) John Lennon- Plastic Ono Band

2) George Harrison- All Things Must Pass

3)  The Beach Boys- Sunflower

4)  Neil Young- After the Gold Rush

5)  Led Zeppelin- Led Zeppelin III

6) Grateful Dead- Workingman’s Dead

7)  Syd Barrett- The Madcap Laughs

8)  Grateful Dead- American Beauty

9)  Jethro Tull- Benefit

10)  Crosby Stills Nash and Young- Deja Vu

11)  Traffic- John Barleycorn Must Die

12)  The Kinks- Lola Vs. Powerman and the Moneygoround

13)  The Who- Live at Leeds

14)  Miles Davis- Bitches Brew

15)  Curtis Mayfield- Curtis

16) Van Morrison- Moondance

17)  David Bowie- The Man Who Sold the World

18)  Creedence Clearwater Revival- Cosmos Factory

19)  Simon and Garfunkel- Bridge Over Troubled Water

20)  Melanie- Candles in the Rain

21)  Spirit- The Twelve Dreams of Dr. Sardonicus

22)  The Pretty Things- Parachute

23)  The Moody Blues- A Question of Balance

24)  The Doors- Morrison Hotel

25)  Cat Stevens- Tea For the Tillerman

This is the year where ex-Beatles shine. It was hard deciding whether to go with Lennon or Harrison at number one. In the end, I went for the primal screaming but it could have easily been the classic three record set (really two records; the third record is essentially a jam session). The Beach Boys surprise with Sunflower at number three. It’s their best since Pet Sounds. Neil Young scores with After the Gold Rush and Led Zeppelin III rounds out the top five. The Grateful Dead come up with two classics this year and Syd Barrett comes up with a wonderfully demented collection. This was the year for CSNY, obviously, and Traffic and Curtis Mayfield wow me with their entries. Other standouts include Bitches’ Brew, probably Davis’ best effort (check out 1960 and see how the quality of the albums have improved over the past decade. Bitches would have been no.1 in 60), Bowie’s Man Who Sold the World which precluded his legendary Ziggy Stardust era, and the Pretty Things. For the honorable mentions, I’d go with the Stooges’ Fun House.

Biggest Surprise- Melanie- Candles in the Rain.

I honestly wasn’t expecting much outside of her brilliant hit, Lay Down, but not only is the classic track stretched out to eight minutes backed by the Edwin Hawkins Singers, there are some nice acoustic gems such as her great cover of Ruby Tuesday. The fact it only ends up at number twenty tells you the quality of the top twenty-five this year.

Biggest Disappointment- The Beatles- Let It Be.

Anytime a Beatle album has to settle for honorable mention, it has to be called a disappointment. If this were any other band, I’d probably go with something else for this is a good album.

But for the Beatles you expect greatness, and this album, well, isn’t so great. Maybe they should have released this one a few years later and kept Phil Spector’s paws off it.

Honorable Mention- Elton John- Tumbleweed Connection, King Crimson- In the Wake of Poseidon, The Beatles- Let It Be,  Badfinger- No Dice, The Stooges- Fun House

Stinker of the Year-  Charles Manson- Lie: The Love and Terror Cult.

Yeah, he recorded an album in 1967, and the album was released in 1970 no doubt to cash in on the Charles Manson killings at the time. Record producer Phil Kaufmann even used the Life cover of Manson for the album cover. It’s basically a folk album, I guess, but it ain’t Phil Ochs. The album features the classic Garbage Dump. Imagine what his follow up album would have been if he had been acquitted. He could have called it the Love and Terror Cult Gets Medieval.

And down goes another year. We’re getting there. Stay tuned next time as we get into 1971.

1969

No, talking dog, don’t pull his finger!

It’s now 1969 where peace and love reign in between getting your heads bashed in at an anti-war protest. President Dick has implemented Vietnamization which promises Chicken and Rice soup in every pot. John has a new girlfriend but they stay in bed all the time; that’s why the Beatles break up. Neil Armstrong discovers the Moon isn’t made of cheese after all. Of course everyone knows cheese comes from Pluto (no, not the dog- that’d be so gross). They have this show on TV about this cult called the Brady Bunch. The little girl is in curls, poor thing. The kid president’s brother drives a car into a river and gets re-elected Senator anyway. And I think those Green Stamps are on the way out. I think if you got enough of them you could get a date with the Jolly Green Giant.

They have a rock festival where they preach peace, love, and music. Unfortunately, the Hell’s Angels have other ideas. Oh, yeah, they had some festival at Woodstock too.

And thank God New York finally won a sports title after two years when they beat up all those powerful teams from Baltimore after winning everything for the last three hundred years, except when they didn’t even have a major league team and when somebody else actually won, you know, like the Yankees (no bitterness  from this Baltimorean here :D).

By the way, Joe Namath wears pantyhose.

Event of the year: Martha Quinn becomes the first man on the Moon.

Fad: Drinking Tang in Space

Babe of the Year: Yoko Ono

Scandal of the Year: John and Yoko confess they are two virgins

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Castle of Fu Manchu

What we could have done without: Paul is Dead rumors

Pet of the year: Spiro Agnew

Other Tidbits: The Royal Wedding is shown on TV when Tiny Tim marries Miss Vicky, John and Yoko pose for Playboy then go to bed, Hippies at Woodstock prove they can litter as much as adults, John and Yoko have a bed in and ask what the hell are you doing in our bedroom?, Nixon starts the first lottery; the lucky winner gets a free trip to Vietnam, Nixon announces the Vietnamization of France, Ted Kennedy drives a boat off Chappaquiddick Bridge, The Rolling Stones hire the Hell’s Angels as peacekeepers; they knock out Marty Balin (really, they do), Monty Python is elected Prime Minister.

1)  The Rolling Stones- Let It Bleed

2)  The Beatles- Abbey Road

3)  The Who- Tommy

4)  King Crimson- In the Court of the Crimson King

5)  The Kinks- Arthur ( Or the Decline of the British Empire)

6)  The Velvet Underground- The Velvet Underground

7)  Buffy Saint-Marie- Illuminations

8)  Led Zeppelin- Led Zeppelin II

9)  Fairport Convention- Unhalfbricking

10)  David Bowie- David Bowie (Space Oddity)

11)  Sly and the Family Stone- Stand!

12)  The Stooges- The Stooges

13)  The MC5- Kick Out the Jams

14)  Fairport Convetion- Liege and Lief

15)  Neil Young- Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere

16)  Morgen- Morgen

17)  Isaac Hayes- Hot Buttered Soul

18)  Jefferson Airplane- Volunteers

19)  John Lennon- Live Peace in Toronto 1969

20)  The Impressions- The Young Mod’s Forgotten Story

21)  Led Zeppelin- Led Zeppelin

22)  Frank Zappa- Hot Rats

23)  The Byrds- Dr. Byrds and Mr. Hyde

24)  Crosby Stills and Nash- Crosby Stills and Nash

25)  Joe Byrd and the Field Hippies- The American Metaphysical Circus

The Beatles’ dominance of my charts end this year as the Rolling Stones do the impossible by relegating Abbey Road to second place. Let It Bleed is, for me, my favorite Stones’ album. An interesting title to be sure as they were certainly aware of the disastrous Beatles’ recording session early this year. Abbey Road certainly deserves to be number one (how does it feel to be on the other foot for once? XD). It was certainly a great way for the Fab Four to go out before trying to kill each other. Tommy comes in at three and is my favorite Who album. King Crimson kicks off progressive rock with their brilliant album. I could listen to it forever. The Kinks continue their roll and the Velvet Underground come up with another classic. I also have to give a shout out to Buffy St. Marie with her excellent piece of folk psychedelia. Fairport Convention score with two more standouts. Led Zeppelin strikes twice too. I also have to mention Isaac Hayes who is another surprise for me. I wonder if Hot Butter Soul is where he got his inspiration for Chef  (lol). I also have to mention the spooky Azrachel in the honorable mentions. Rumor has it that they recorded the album in a cave. Whatever the case, the sound comes out perfectly.

Biggest Surprise- Sly and the Family Stone- Stand!.

Yeah, I know they had a couple hits on the album but the album tracks are funky as Hell. Every song except maybe the overlong Sex Machine is a standout. Yeah, I really like this album.

Biggest Disappointment- Janis Joplin- Kozmic Blues.

 I went with Janis for this one. She wasn’t the same after leaving Big Brother. I think she was much better when she was with a real band. Of course they needed her too because they were never really heard from again. Janis is fun on Dick Cavett though.

Honorable Mention- Creedence Clearwater Revival- Green River, Arzachel- Arzachel, Johnny Cash- At San Quentin, Leonard Cohen- Songs From a Room, Moody Blues- On the Threshold of a Dream.

Stinker of the Year-  Giant Crab- Cool It… Helios.

Yeah I know, you we’re expecting Philosophy of the World, the Plan 9 From Outer Space of all bad albums.

But I owned this one, and believe me, once you get past the fake sitar intro and you start hearing the bizarre narration from a guy that sounds like Gary Owens, well. let’s just say I wanted my two dollars back from the record store I got it from, Ugh!

And that concludes the sixties portion of the program. Come back later for my top twenty-five of 1970.

1968

Tip toe, thru the tulips…

I’m now transported to the year 1968 where everybody says to sock it to them. Boy they should be so lucky. One poor sap gets his head blown off on TV in Vietnam in something called the Tet Offensive. LBJ says he’s taking his marbles and going home and a couple nice men get shot. What’s wrong with this planet?

The whole world is watching some show called Laugh-In. I don’t think it’s all that funny. No, I won’t bet my bippy. They have a Mod Squad in California. The LAPD has gotten a bad reputation thanks to some guy named Joe Friday, so now they’re replacing the police with juvenile delinquents. Rosemary had a baby that later will star in the Exorcist. And Dick is tired of not being around to be kicked anymore so he’s running for President. See Dick Run, See Dick Say Sock It To Me, See Chicago burn, See Dick win, Yikes!

So now the United States is being run by a bunch of hard hats who hate hippies. Thank God; what this world needs is a bunch of hard heads. I hope their heads don’t molt like crabs do; I mean what if their brains start oozing out like slime? Yeech! I can’t believe I ate the whole thing. Mother forgot to tell me not to eat the crab mustard.

The music is at its wildest this year. There is so much to choose from. Okay, I guess I like these albums best so here we go…

By the way, Tiny Tim isn’t very tiny.

Event of the year: The Yellow Submarine is sunk off North Korea

Fad: Student Demonstrations

Babe of the Year: Barbarella

Scandal of the Year: Heidi blows a Jets lead against the Raiders

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Lucy Show

What we could have done without: Sirhan Sirhan and James Earl Ray

Pet of the year: Tiny Tim 

Other Tidbits: Dennis Wilson declines offer to join Charles Manson’s band, the Mass Murderers, James Earl Ray shoots Lee Harvey Oswald, Bobby Kennedy joins his brother in Australia, Mayor Daley of Chicago has a fight with a balloon, The whole world is watching Laugh-In, Abbie Hoffman runs for President, Nixon announces they won’t have him to kick around anymore and is elected President, The Big Mac is invented and Ronald McDonald is exposed as a clown, It’s Spring in Prague but winter in Washington, Dolores O’Riordan shoots Andy Warhol, Jackie Kennedy marries Elvis Presley, They’re coming for you, Barbara.

So here we go with psychedelic year number two (or is it three?). We’re also starting to see some hard rock albums in this mix as well. Ready?...

1)  The Beatles- The Beatles (The White Album)

2)  Simon and Garfunkel- Bookends

3)  The Kinks- Village Green Preservation Society

4)  The Zombies- Odessey and Oracle

5)  The Rolling Stones- Beggars Banquet

6)  The United States of America- The United States of America

7)  Johnny Cash- At Folsom Prison

8)  Traffic- Traffic

9)  The Moody Blues- In Search of the Lost Chord

10)  Big Brother and the Holding Company- Cheap Thrills

11)  Silver Apples- Silver Apples

12)  Jimi Hendrix- Electric Ladyland

13)  Mothers of Invention- We’re Only In It For the Money

14)  Fairport Convention- Fairport Convention

15)  Quicksilver Messenger Service- Quicksilver Messenger Service

16)  Bob Dylan- John Wesley Harding

17)  Van Morrison- Astral Weeks

18)  The Impressions- This Is My Country

19)  Jefferson Airplane- Crown of Creation

20)  Family- Music In a Doll’s House

21)  Creedence Clearwater Revival- Creedence Clearwater Revival

22)  Aretha Franklin- Lady Soul

23)  Phil Ochs- Tape From California

24)  Otis Redding- Dock of the Bay

25)  The Fallen Angels- It’s a Long Way Down

Psychedelia still reigns as harder rock sounds begin to take hold. The Beatles for the sixth (and last) year, hold the top spot with their dysfunctional, yet still brilliant, White Album. Simon and Garfunkel get to win the silver this year, followed by another classic album by the Kinks and the Zombies magnum opus, Odessey and Oracle which, until recently, I thought had been released in 1969 (silly me). The Rolling Stones again win comeback of the year with Beggar’s Banquet, the first of their classic period albums. At number six is the well received United States of America followed by my favorite live album, Johnny Cash At Folsom Prison. Cash is by far away my favorite artist in a genre I’m not especially crazy about, country. Other standouts on this list include Traffic, Fairport Convention, The Impressions, Family, and the Fallen Angels who some of you may have never heard of, but were a great psychedelic folk band coming out of Washington DC. Another great psychedelic gem had to settle for honorable mention and that’s the demented St. John Green, produced by the equally demented Kim Fowley.

This is such a great year overall. Maybe one day when I’m done with this project I’ll do a top 50 of  1968.

Biggest Surprise- Silver Apples

 Believe it or not, I finally gave it a listen for the first time last Christmas and it is indeed a brilliant piece of electronica. I can’t rate it quite as high as United States of America, but dang, you wonder why idiots like me spent years overlooking this album despite the reputation.

Biggest Disappointment- The Incredible String Band- The Hangman’s Beautiful Daughter.

 Actually these folkies pretty much bore me overall. I mean they’re not terrible, but I like to hear a little more melody in my folk.

Honorable Mention-  Donovan- Hurdy Gurdy Man, St. John Green- St. John Green, Jethro Tull- This Was, The Beach Boys- Friends, The Idle Race- The Birthday Party

Stinker of the Year-  William Shatner- The Transformed Man

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man. Someone (probably Captain Kirk himself) had the brainstorm that maybe he could act out the popular tunes of the day. Fans of Dr Demento no doubt remember Mr. Tambourine Man but listen to him overact on other classics such as Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds. Shatner made Tiny Tim look like Tony Bennett. By the way, if you love Shatner, take a listen to Leonard Nimoy’s Ballad of Bilbo Baggins. Apparently Star Trek actors doing bad albums was the rage in those days. Too bad Bones McCoy didn’t have an album.

And there goes another year. Only forty-nine more to go (boy, this is exhausting but fun). See you next time as we delve into 1969. Talking Dog! That protest sign isn’t a fire hydrant, Cheez!

1967

Hey, hey, we’re the Monkees…

The talking dog has transported me to the year 1967. Everybody is wearing flowers in their hair. There are bees buzzing all over the place; I hope they don’t sting the talking dog. The last time he was stung by a bee, he started howling at the moon and bit the mailman, Mr. Noodles.

Everybody has gone psychedelic. I see purple dragons and frogs with polka dots that want to eat me. I have to stop eating Tortillas during my midnight snacks. The Beatles are still popular, Now they all have mustaches and have joined some marching band. Then they shaved their mustaches off and joined with some Indian Guru- I think his name was Allen Klein (or was that in 1969?). No matter, now they’re off on some Magical Mystery Tour to Bombay or something.

They’re trying to lift some building called the Pentagon. Wouldn’t it be neat if the Pentagon took off and flew to its home planet? It just sits there though. It doesn’t matter; the hippies get high anyway.

Elvis gets married this year. He waited until his thirteen year old girlfriend grew up at least. Meanwhile, I’m in love with Barnabas Collins; he has the cutest fangs, meoworr! They want Muhammad Ali to join the army because they’ve drafted all the rock stars and they wouldn’t go, so now they need Muslim boxers. He won’t go either. Now I guess they have to go after all the construction workers who complain that the rock stars and African American athletes who have an opinion won’t go to Vietnam. Bet they’ll love that. By the way, banana peels don’t get you high; they just make you sick to your stomach. Hope you have some Pepto Bismol.

And nobody ever calls me Mr. Tibbs (probably cause I’m a girl).

Well, anyway, we do have a year in store for you so without any further adieu…

Event of the year: Bonnie and Clyde is shot down in a hail of bullets.

Fad: Feeding your head

Babes of the Year: Emma Peel and Batgirl

Scandal of the Year: The Starship Enterprise is infested with tribbles.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Petticoat Junction

What we could have done without: Nehru jackets

Pet of the year: Timothy Leary

Other Tidbits: The Six Day War lasts for eleven years, Muhammad Ali gives up boxing crown to film GI Blues, Paul Newman gets sick in an egg eating contest, Paul Simon seduced by Mrs. Robinson, The Beatles meet the Maharishi and become the Rolling Stones, Man is given a heart in South Africa and frees Nelson Mandela, British troops invade pirates at radio stations and retrieve a bunch of parrots, The Rolling Stones publish a magazine, Elvis Presley marries Twiggy, the Pentagon is raised and lands on Allen Ginsburg.

And with that, it’s time for our psychedelic top Twenty-Five. Shall we?...

1)  The Beatles- Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

2)  The Kinks- Something Else By the Kinks

3)  The Velvet Underground- The Velvet Underground and Nico

4)  Love- Forever Changes

5)  Buffalo Springfield- Buffalo Springfield Again

6)  The Doors- The Doors

7)  Jimi Hendrix- Are You Experienced?

8)  Pink Floyd- The Piper at the Gates of Dawn

9)  The Doors- Strange Days

10)  Phil Ochs- Pleasures of the Harbor

11)  Leonard Cohen- Songs of Leonard Cohen

12)  Mothers of Invention- Absolutely Free

13)  Jefferson Airplane- Surrealistic Pillow

14)  Pearls Before Swine- One Nation Underground

15)  Moody Blues- Days of Future Passed

16)  Jimi Hendrix- Axis: Bold as Love

17)  Captain Beefheart- Safe as Milk

18)  Traffic- Mr. Fantasy

19)  The Beach Boys- Smiley Smile

20)  Aretha Franklin- I Never Loved a Man the Way I Loved You

21)  The Byrds- Younger Than Yesterday

22) The Thirteenth Floor Elevators- Easter Everywhere

23)  The Beatles- Magical Mystery Tour

24)  Nico-  Chelsea Girls

25)  The Electric Prunes- The Electric Prunes

Now this is perhaps the ultimate year in rock history. So many great albums, some of which didn’t even make honorable mention. Of course Sgt. Pepper is the pinnacle of the Beatles’ career. Everything went downhill from here for the members, though the quality never waned. Again they outdo another deserving number one, this time The Kinks’ Something Else. Actually you could argue any record in the top five with the Velvet Underground, Love, and Buffalo Springfield also scoring with near perfect gems. There are so many great albums but I have to especially mention the Doors, Floyd, Hendrix, and Nico standing out for me. Also in the honorable mentions, check out the West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band. They were  mainly a folk rock band who went a little spacey as they were taken over by their older eccentric manager, Bob Markley.

Biggest Surprise- Captain Beefheart- Safe as Milk  

Historically, I see Beefheart as a poor man’s Zappa, which isn’t really a bad thing, and you can see the avant garde experimentation on this album. I think the blues tinged tracks work a little better but overall, this album still makes for a solid position on my list.

Biggest Disappointment-  The Rolling Stones- Between the Buttons.

Yes, the Stones make it again. Once again take away the hit single, in this case, Ruby Tuesday and Let’s Spend the Night Together, and you basically have a lot of drivel. Who cares about Yesterday’s Papers, okay? And Miss Amanda Jones was used in a John Hughes movie for Lucifer Sam’s sake. Believe it or not, I’m one who thinks their next album, Their Satanic Majesties’ Request, is actually an improvement (that didn’t make my list either by the way). At least they’ll stop trying to imitate the Beatles next year.

Honorable Mention-  Fred Neil- Fred Neil, Beau Brummels- Triangle, West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band- Volume One, Kaleidoscope (UK)- Tangerine Dream, Cream- Disraeli Gears

Stinker of the Year- (Tie) David Bowie- David Bowie, Elvis Presley- Double Trouble

Yes, we have another tie. First I’ll mention the King of really bad films. Double Trouble is the album that features the Elvis classic, Old MacDonald, need I say more?

And then there is David Bowie (yes, that David Bowie) in the days before Space Oddity. Before, he had been a mod rocker in the mode of the Kinks and was pretty good. In between there was this lovely album where Bowie is set to become the next Anthony Newley. It’s basically a sappy flower power album (I guess) where he sings such scary tunes like Love You Til Tuesday and Maid of Bond Street. Then again, there is the prequel of what would become the David Bowie we’d soon love with We Are Hungry Men. Yeah, maybe Elvis was worse.

So did everybody get stoned? Who knows but what a year. See you later when the music gets heavy in 1968.