1970

I’m being transported to the year 1970, the beginning of the ‘Me Decade.’ I’m being chased by some guy in a HR Pufunstuf suit and he’s got some talking flute with him. Scooby Doo should bite him.

People are wearing their bell bottoms and multi-colored pants and shirts. They even carry pocketbooks- and these are the guys. Women are taking their bras off in public and, well, you can imagine what’s going on in those teenage boys’ minds and, um, hands. Girls are going bonkers for Bobby Sherman while boys like, well, women that take off their bras.

The people celebrate the first Earth Day by having picnics in parks. They only leave half the garbage they usually do. And everybody’s watching Mary Tyler Moore. Do you know she has spunk? I hate spunk!

The Beatles break up this year because Ringo marries Yoko or something. Simon and Garfunkel break up too, I guess that’s Yoko’s fault too. People keep hijacking planes to Cuba. I guess Vietnam is too hot for them. It’s not too hot for Bob Hope though. If he was really brave, he’d do a show up in Siberia. The huskies need entertainment too, you know.

And Elvis gets to meet Nixon. Big deal. I want to see President Dick meet Charlie Manson in the White House- now that would be a photo-op.

Okay, okay, you want to see my top twenty-five list for 1970, or maybe you don’t. Maybe you boys want to see me take my bra off- you naughty boys. You’re getting the top twenty-five instead.

And here we go…

Event of the year: Elvis meets Nixon. Elvis Presley appointed Secretary of State.

Fad: Hijacking to Cuba

Babes of the Year: Bert and Ernie

Scandal of the Year: Hotlips Houlihan seen naked

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Brady Bunch

What we could have done without: The Bombing of Cambodia

Pet of the year: Scooby Doo

Other Tidbits: The Beatles break up, Ringo Starr becomes a beautician, Apollo 13 is shot down by Martians on the Moon, the US declares war on Venus, Venera lands on Venus and encounters men with three eyes, The Chicago Seven change their name to the St. Louis Eight, Dogs win the right to vote, National Guard disbands at Kent State, Neil Young writes Four Dead in Idaho, The life expectancy of rock stars drops to 27, Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin get married, Art Garfunkel files for divorce from Paul Simon, marries James Taylor, everyone blames Yoko, Brooks Robinson rules.

The music is getting heavier and the top Twenty-Five is reflecting this. So let’s take off, shall we?

1) John Lennon- Plastic Ono Band

2) George Harrison- All Things Must Pass

3)  The Beach Boys- Sunflower

4)  Neil Young- After the Gold Rush

5)  Led Zeppelin- Led Zeppelin III

6) Grateful Dead- Workingman’s Dead

7)  Syd Barrett- The Madcap Laughs

8)  Grateful Dead- American Beauty

9)  Jethro Tull- Benefit

10)  Crosby Stills Nash and Young- Deja Vu

11)  Traffic- John Barleycorn Must Die

12)  The Kinks- Lola Vs. Powerman and the Moneygoround

13)  The Who- Live at Leeds

14)  Miles Davis- Bitches Brew

15)  Curtis Mayfield- Curtis

16) Van Morrison- Moondance

17)  David Bowie- The Man Who Sold the World

18)  Creedence Clearwater Revival- Cosmos Factory

19)  Simon and Garfunkel- Bridge Over Troubled Water

20)  Melanie- Candles in the Rain

21)  Spirit- The Twelve Dreams of Dr. Sardonicus

22)  The Pretty Things- Parachute

23)  The Moody Blues- A Question of Balance

24)  The Doors- Morrison Hotel

25)  Cat Stevens- Tea For the Tillerman

This is the year where ex-Beatles shine. It was hard deciding whether to go with Lennon or Harrison at number one. In the end, I went for the primal screaming but it could have easily been the classic three record set (really two records; the third record is essentially a jam session). The Beach Boys surprise with Sunflower at number three. It’s their best since Pet Sounds. Neil Young scores with After the Gold Rush and Led Zeppelin III rounds out the top five. The Grateful Dead come up with two classics this year and Syd Barrett comes up with a wonderfully demented collection. This was the year for CSNY, obviously, and Traffic and Curtis Mayfield wow me with their entries. Other standouts include Bitches’ Brew, probably Davis’ best effort (check out 1960 and see how the quality of the albums have improved over the past decade. Bitches would have been no.1 in 60), Bowie’s Man Who Sold the World which precluded his legendary Ziggy Stardust era, and the Pretty Things. For the honorable mentions, I’d go with the Stooges’ Fun House.

Biggest Surprise- Melanie- Candles in the Rain.

I honestly wasn’t expecting much outside of her brilliant hit, Lay Down, but not only is the classic track stretched out to eight minutes backed by the Edwin Hawkins Singers, there are some nice acoustic gems such as her great cover of Ruby Tuesday. The fact it only ends up at number twenty tells you the quality of the top twenty-five this year.

Biggest Disappointment- The Beatles- Let It Be.

Anytime a Beatle album has to settle for honorable mention, it has to be called a disappointment. If this were any other band, I’d probably go with something else for this is a good album.

But for the Beatles you expect greatness, and this album, well, isn’t so great. Maybe they should have released this one a few years later and kept Phil Spector’s paws off it.

Honorable Mention- Elton John- Tumbleweed Connection, King Crimson- In the Wake of Poseidon, The Beatles- Let It Be,  Badfinger- No Dice, The Stooges- Fun House

Stinker of the Year-  Charles Manson- Lie: The Love and Terror Cult.

Yeah, he recorded an album in 1967, and the album was released in 1970 no doubt to cash in on the Charles Manson killings at the time. Record producer Phil Kaufmann even used the Life cover of Manson for the album cover. It’s basically a folk album, I guess, but it ain’t Phil Ochs. The album features the classic Garbage Dump. Imagine what his follow up album would have been if he had been acquitted. He could have called it the Love and Terror Cult Gets Medieval.

And down goes another year. We’re getting there. Stay tuned next time as we get into 1971.