1967

Hey, hey, we’re the Monkees…

The talking dog has transported me to the year 1967. Everybody is wearing flowers in their hair. There are bees buzzing all over the place; I hope they don’t sting the talking dog. The last time he was stung by a bee, he started howling at the moon and bit the mailman, Mr. Noodles.

Everybody has gone psychedelic. I see purple dragons and frogs with polka dots that want to eat me. I have to stop eating Tortillas during my midnight snacks. The Beatles are still popular, Now they all have mustaches and have joined some marching band. Then they shaved their mustaches off and joined with some Indian Guru- I think his name was Allen Klein (or was that in 1969?). No matter, now they’re off on some Magical Mystery Tour to Bombay or something.

They’re trying to lift some building called the Pentagon. Wouldn’t it be neat if the Pentagon took off and flew to its home planet? It just sits there though. It doesn’t matter; the hippies get high anyway.

Elvis gets married this year. He waited until his thirteen year old girlfriend grew up at least. Meanwhile, I’m in love with Barnabas Collins; he has the cutest fangs, meoworr! They want Muhammad Ali to join the army because they’ve drafted all the rock stars and they wouldn’t go, so now they need Muslim boxers. He won’t go either. Now I guess they have to go after all the construction workers who complain that the rock stars and African American athletes who have an opinion won’t go to Vietnam. Bet they’ll love that. By the way, banana peels don’t get you high; they just make you sick to your stomach. Hope you have some Pepto Bismol.

And nobody ever calls me Mr. Tibbs (probably cause I’m a girl).

Well, anyway, we do have a year in store for you so without any further adieu…

Event of the year: Bonnie and Clyde is shot down in a hail of bullets.

Fad: Feeding your head

Babes of the Year: Emma Peel and Batgirl

Scandal of the Year: The Starship Enterprise is infested with tribbles.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Petticoat Junction

What we could have done without: Nehru jackets

Pet of the year: Timothy Leary

Other Tidbits: The Six Day War lasts for eleven years, Muhammad Ali gives up boxing crown to film GI Blues, Paul Newman gets sick in an egg eating contest, Paul Simon seduced by Mrs. Robinson, The Beatles meet the Maharishi and become the Rolling Stones, Man is given a heart in South Africa and frees Nelson Mandela, British troops invade pirates at radio stations and retrieve a bunch of parrots, The Rolling Stones publish a magazine, Elvis Presley marries Twiggy, the Pentagon is raised and lands on Allen Ginsburg.

And with that, it’s time for our psychedelic top Twenty-Five. Shall we?...

1)  The Beatles- Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

2)  The Kinks- Something Else By the Kinks

3)  The Velvet Underground- The Velvet Underground and Nico

4)  Love- Forever Changes

5)  Buffalo Springfield- Buffalo Springfield Again

6)  The Doors- The Doors

7)  Jimi Hendrix- Are You Experienced?

8)  Pink Floyd- The Piper at the Gates of Dawn

9)  The Doors- Strange Days

10)  Phil Ochs- Pleasures of the Harbor

11)  Leonard Cohen- Songs of Leonard Cohen

12)  Mothers of Invention- Absolutely Free

13)  Jefferson Airplane- Surrealistic Pillow

14)  Pearls Before Swine- One Nation Underground

15)  Moody Blues- Days of Future Passed

16)  Jimi Hendrix- Axis: Bold as Love

17)  Captain Beefheart- Safe as Milk

18)  Traffic- Mr. Fantasy

19)  The Beach Boys- Smiley Smile

20)  Aretha Franklin- I Never Loved a Man the Way I Loved You

21)  The Byrds- Younger Than Yesterday

22) The Thirteenth Floor Elevators- Easter Everywhere

23)  The Beatles- Magical Mystery Tour

24)  Nico-  Chelsea Girls

25)  The Electric Prunes- The Electric Prunes

Now this is perhaps the ultimate year in rock history. So many great albums, some of which didn’t even make honorable mention. Of course Sgt. Pepper is the pinnacle of the Beatles’ career. Everything went downhill from here for the members, though the quality never waned. Again they outdo another deserving number one, this time The Kinks’ Something Else. Actually you could argue any record in the top five with the Velvet Underground, Love, and Buffalo Springfield also scoring with near perfect gems. There are so many great albums but I have to especially mention the Doors, Floyd, Hendrix, and Nico standing out for me. Also in the honorable mentions, check out the West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band. They were  mainly a folk rock band who went a little spacey as they were taken over by their older eccentric manager, Bob Markley.

Biggest Surprise- Captain Beefheart- Safe as Milk  

Historically, I see Beefheart as a poor man’s Zappa, which isn’t really a bad thing, and you can see the avant garde experimentation on this album. I think the blues tinged tracks work a little better but overall, this album still makes for a solid position on my list.

Biggest Disappointment-  The Rolling Stones- Between the Buttons.

Yes, the Stones make it again. Once again take away the hit single, in this case, Ruby Tuesday and Let’s Spend the Night Together, and you basically have a lot of drivel. Who cares about Yesterday’s Papers, okay? And Miss Amanda Jones was used in a John Hughes movie for Lucifer Sam’s sake. Believe it or not, I’m one who thinks their next album, Their Satanic Majesties’ Request, is actually an improvement (that didn’t make my list either by the way). At least they’ll stop trying to imitate the Beatles next year.

Honorable Mention-  Fred Neil- Fred Neil, Beau Brummels- Triangle, West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band- Volume One, Kaleidoscope (UK)- Tangerine Dream, Cream- Disraeli Gears

Stinker of the Year- (Tie) David Bowie- David Bowie, Elvis Presley- Double Trouble

Yes, we have another tie. First I’ll mention the King of really bad films. Double Trouble is the album that features the Elvis classic, Old MacDonald, need I say more?

And then there is David Bowie (yes, that David Bowie) in the days before Space Oddity. Before, he had been a mod rocker in the mode of the Kinks and was pretty good. In between there was this lovely album where Bowie is set to become the next Anthony Newley. It’s basically a sappy flower power album (I guess) where he sings such scary tunes like Love You Til Tuesday and Maid of Bond Street. Then again, there is the prequel of what would become the David Bowie we’d soon love with We Are Hungry Men. Yeah, maybe Elvis was worse.

So did everybody get stoned? Who knows but what a year. See you later when the music gets heavy in 1968.