2017

FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS! President Trump is God, FAKE NEWS!

And here I am finally transported to the year 2017 in what is the first year AT (After Trump). Actually it’s during Trump but , oh those semantics.

And what a year we have. Sexual misconduct charges are the latest fad since hula hoops. Watch as careers disintegrate at the blink of an eye, Kevin Spacey, Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer, Donald Trump… okay, well not him.

Of course there are other things going this year as Kim Jong Un is taunting the Donald and the Donald threatens to flatten North Korea. Of course China may have something to say about that and then Russia will have something to say about that which means the UK… geez, guys, take it to the playground, won’t ya?

Yes, my gherkins, 2017 is all about the Donald who is getting even more adulation than he was when he was doing the Apprentice. Of course, he’s pissed that they replaced him with the Arnold. I guess he wants to be President too now. Where are those birthers when you need them? Oh, yeah, they’re still trying to prove Obama is a fraud. Um, too late, guys.

Oh, well, I’ve had enough excitement this year. I think I’ll get a Frappacino at the Starbucks by Mara Lago while checking out my profile on Facebook. Oh,wait, I don’t have a profile. I guess I’ll check that Horman guy to see what he’s saying about me now, what a dunce!

Okay, here it is, my final top twenty-five (until next year anyway), enjoy.

Event of the year: Theresa May’s power grab backfires.

Fad:  Sexual misconduct accusations

Babe of the Year:  Melissa McCarthy as Scott Spicer

Scandal of the Year: Kevin Spacey blows his chance to be President

Movie or TV show to barf to: Bad Mom’s Christmas

What we could have done without: Gloria Allred (again)

Pet of the year:  Steve Bannon

Other Tidbits: Alabama almost elects a child molester to the Senate, Congress cuts taxes for Donald Trump and Scrooge McDuck, everybody accused of sexual harassment except Gary Glitter, Theresa May calls for elections in Britain because she has too much power, North Korea gets the bomb while being taunted by Trump, 2 Broke Girls gets cancelled mercifully, NFL players protest by singing Oh Canada.

So that was the fun that was 2017. So what about the music? Well it took all of 2018, but here it is; the top twenty-five of 2017…

1) Granddaddy- Last Place

2) Connor Oberst- Salutations

3) Father John Misty- Pure Comedy

4) The Regrettes- Feel Your Feelings Fool

5) Magnetic Fields- 50 Song Memoir

6) King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizards- Flying Microtonal Banana

7) Ty Segall- Ty Segall

8) Black Angels- Death Song

9) Aimee Mann- Mental Illness

10) Peter Silbermann- Impermanence

11) Elbow- Little Fictions

12) Laura Marling- Semper Farina

13) Courtney Barrett and Kurt Vile- Gotta See Lice

14) Black Lips- Satan’s Graffiti or God’s Art?

15) Priests- Nothing Feels Natural

16) Iron and Wine- Beast Epic

17) Flotation Toy Machine- The Machine That Made Us

18) Mount Eerie- A Crow Looked at Me

19) Thundercat- Drunk

20) Peter Perrett- How the West Was Won

21) The Shins- Heartworms

22) New Poronographers- Whiteout Conditions

23) Weezer- Pacific Daydream

24) Fleet Foxes- Crack-Up

25) Marika Hackman- I’m Not Your Man

And here we are with the last year of my little ambitious project and it’s going out with a bang. This is one of my better top tens in a long time, led by Granddaddy’s reunion album. It’s like they never went away and it’s their best since Sopfthware Slump. Conor Oberst follows with his best effort in a few years while Father John Misty, a great teen group, the Regrettes (though the lead singer needs to wash her mouth out with soap :D ), and my surprise round out the top five. The lower ten is pretty impressive too when you look at great gems from King Gizzard, the Black Angels, and Aimee Mann. Gems in my top twenty-five include the Black Lips, Flotation Toy Machine, Thundercat, and Marika Hackman.

Biggest Surprise- Magnetic Fields- 50 Song Memoir

Magnetic Fields hasn’t really done a lot for me since 69 Love Songs. And I knew going into this album, that it would be, well, ambitious, and very long. But the songs are solid. It’s basically the sound of 69 Love Songs with some variations. What it turns out to be is a five disc pastiche of whimsy and a lot of retrospection. This is Stephen Merritt at his best. Love this album.

Biggest Disappointment- Bob Dylan- Triplicate

Look, one album of Frank Sinatra covers was enough, don’t you think? Yeah, I know, the guy has had a long career and is now well into his seventies so he deserves some slack, right? Well, maybe, but it doesn’t mean I have to like the album. Well, what do you expect from a protest singer who went on to do a Victoria’s Secret commercial? Oh, well, at least he hasn’t done an album of show tunes yet (has he?).

Honorable Mention- Jesca Hoop- Memories Are Now, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizards- Sketches of Brunswick East, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings- Soul of a Woman, Juilen Baker- Turn Out the Lights, Sun Kil Moon- Common As Light and Love are Red Valleys of Blood

Stinker of the Year-  Betty Buckley – Story Songs.

Betty Buckley was of course Dick Van Patten’s squeeze on Eight is Enough since they killed off the first wife. Yes, she is singing show tunes (I guess). She sings adequately, I guess. That works because she acted adequately too. But, hey, it beats having to listen to Corey Feldman, Miley Cyrus, and Crazy Frog. And now I don’t have to listen to any of you nitwits anymore, MUHAHAHAHA!

Well, I guess that’s it. I hope you enjoyed the top twenty-fives as much as I did. I always like to say this, but the only top twenty-five (top ten, top five, top ten thousand) that really matters is your own. Well, these were mine so there!

So thanks for indulging me with this project. Bye, for now.  :)

The new President of the United States

2016

Well, this is definitely a bizzaro year. And think about it, Donald Trump proves that indeed anyone can be President when the public is mad at the whole political process. I’d run for President in 2020, but I was born in Hawaii. Wait a minute; President Hope was born in Hawaii. Does that mean…?

Of course it didn’t have to be. ‘Or Her Either’ decided the Presidency was her birthright so naturally everybody is afraid to run against her. Vice President Joe declines to run because he’s still grieving his dead son. What a bogus excuse. And then Lizzie Warren didn’t run because she had to borrow an axe from her parents or something.

So ‘Or Her Either’ gets to run against Bernie the Communist and she wins the nomination. The DNC was very unbiased in their decisions and the Brooklyn Bridge is on sale- cheap! Meanwhile, everybody was pissed at the Republicans even though 57 people were running. They ultimately nominated Donald Trump because Gary Coleman was dead.

And so ‘Or Her Either’ had a clear path because everyone knows that the Donald is a buffoon. But she didn’t count on the buffoon vote to be so substantial and she went crying all the way home. Next time, Democrats, why don’t you promote someone more electable, you know, like Rosie O’Donnell? By the way, what’s an Allepo?

Okay, I’m out of breath. As far as I’m concerned Alice Cooper is the next President of the United States. I mean how can we do worse? Don’t answer that question.

And here we are with the top twenty-five of 2016.

Event of the year: Hillary says, “WTF?” and stops cackling.

Fad:   Brexit

Babes of the Year: Russian hackers

Scandal of the Year: Bob Dylan wins the Nobel Prize For Literature

Movie or TV show to barf to: Zoolander 2

What we could have done without: Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Pet of the year: Pokemon Go

Other Tidbits: Hamilton is the theatre sensation of the year; Burr is pissed. The Russians score big in the Presidential Elections when they get Alice Cooper elected. Bradgelina breaks into two, Bernie Sanders becomes a bobblehead, we find out that Ted Cruz’ father killed JFK. Scott Baio makes a comeback for forty-five minutes, Trump wins and says the election was rigged, the Cubs win the World Series, Hell freezes over; so does Pennsylvania, David Bowie and Prince form a duo, and everybody’s lives matter including black lives- get it?

Albums anybody?

1) David Bowie- Blackstar

2) PJ Harvey- The Hope Six Demolition Project

3) Radiohead- A Moon Shaped Pool

4) Weyes Blood- Front Row Seat To Earth

5) Angel Olsen- My Woman

6) Conor Oberst- Ruminations

7) Okkervil River- Away

8) Leonard Cohen- You Want It Darker

9) Kikagaku Moyo- House in the Tall Grass

10) Avalanches- Wildflower

11) Iron&Wine and Jesca Hoop- Love Letter For Fire

12) Case/Lang/Veirs- Case/Lang/Veirs

13) Childish Gambino- Awaken My Love

14) Thee Oh Sees- A Weird Exits

15) Parquet Courts- Human Performance

16) Ty Segall- Emotional Mugger

17) Mitski- Puberty 2

18) Wolf People- Ruins

19) Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions- Until the Hunter

20) Iamthemorning-Lighthouse

21) Wilco-Schmilco

22) Animal Collective-Painting With

23) Car Seat Headrest-Teens of Denial

24) Darkher- Realms

25) Lucinda Williams- The Ghost of Highway 20

Of course this is the year we sadly lost David Bowie and he goes out with his best album since the Ziggy Stardust days. He obviously wanted to make a statement about death and dying and it’s his most heartfelt album in years. With the year I’m presently having (2018), this album sometimes gets me emotional. PJ Harvey comes up with yet another amazing album and she gets the silver while Radiohead’s best album since Amnesiac, my surprise, and Angel Olsen round out my top twenty-five. In my top ten we have Leonard Cohen’s excellent swan song of sorts, an incredible find in Kikagaku Moyo via someone on the music forum I was on, and a comeback album by the Avalanches. Gems in my top twenty-five include Case/Lang/Veirs, Childish Gambino, Wolf People, and Darkher.

Biggest Surprise- Weyes Blood- Front Row Seat To Earth

Well, this is the year of the Bowie swan song, is it not? No, this is not exactly like Bowie but somehow this female artist is reminding me of classic Bowie in her own way. It’s a beautiful piece of melodic work. This album puts the singer songwriters like Carole King to shame. I had never heard of Weyes Blood before so this is really a very pleasant surprise. A very nice piece of new age; reminds me a little of Enya at her best.

Biggest Disappointment- Of Montreal- Innocent Reaches.

Okay so now they’ve gone eighties pop or something. Congratulations, guys, you’ve replaced the Rolling Stones with the girl with the proverbial curl award. Anyway, they’re not their quirky selves at all; they don’t even sound like Of Montreal. Maybe these guys should have done the soundtrack to Flashdance or something.

Honorable Mention- Bat For Lashes- The Bride, John Cunningham- Fell, Bob Dylan- Fallen Angels, Band of Horses- Why Are You OK?, Jenny Hval- Blood Bitch

Stinker of the Year-  Corey Feldman- Angelic 2 the Core

And… he’s back. Now he’s doing spacey dance tunes. I guess someone forgot to tell him the nineties were over. Yeah, this one makes his Former Child Actor look like a rock n roll classic. Each track starts with some stupid narration of bible verse or whatever. Maybe when he did Stand By Me, River Phoenix should have pushed him in the lake.

Wow, only one year left. It’s almost over. We’re actually pretty deep into 2018 by now if not in 2019, but I said 1955-2017 and so it will be (I can do 2018 any old time :D).

So stick around for my final twenty-five real soon.