2014

The talking dog has transported me to 2014. Why is everything so futuristic? Everybody is talking on phones that you can carry outside like it’s Star Trek or something. Maybe they’re all asking Scotty to beam them up.

Everybody is afraid of getting this disease from Africa and they’re banishing people to New Jersey or something. Maybe they think they’ll get lucky or something and Snookie will get infected.

But guess what? We discover the disease is actually treatable. Amazing what an actual health system and some antibiotics can do. Well, geez, Louise, we have to be scared about something. Meanwhile, the NFL is getting some pie in its face. Some guy named Rice (you can call him Ray) got caught not being very nice to his fiancée and some guy named Yo Adrian got caught using a tree branch on his kid or something because barbed wire wasn’t available. Anyway, the NFL’s fearless leader decided they were only flesh wounds until the public said they weren’t, whoops!

It looks like the police messed up in some town called Ferguson too and now the citizens are mad. The poor policeman is now being hunted like Frankenstein’s monster or something. Anyway, this starts a movement known as Black Lives Matter which will evolve into White Lives Matter and then Green Lives Matter and then Arachnid Lives Matter. Let the demonizing begin.

And has anyone seen that Bill Cosby Jello commercial? Wait, Bill Cosby did what? That does it, now I’m definitely not buying the New Coke from Dr. Huxtable. Hey, wasn’t he supposed to be a gynecologist or something? Creepy.

Well, gotta go. The final episode of How I Met Your Mother is on. Wait, what do you mean the mother dies and he goes back with Robin? I want my money back!

Event of the year: The Bermuda Triangle is moved to the Indian Ocean

Fad:  Ebola

Babe of the Year: Jan the Toyota Girl

Scandal of the Year: The IRS targets White Supremacist groups and Congress has a fit.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Anything on Lifetime

What we could have done without: The Ice Bucket Challenge

Pet of the year: Justin Bieber

Other Tidbits: Justin Bieber proves he can be as big a brat as Paris Hilton, people can toke up in Colorado, Dennis Rodman becomes US Ambassador to North Korea, Putin annexes the Crimea and New Hampshire, The NFL to flag players 15 yards for domestic abuse, Letterman and Leno make up and get married, Shia Lebouf plays the Unknown Comic, The goddess Isis goes bad, Ebola tastes great, no it’s less filling, bye, Robin Williams L

Okay, the top 25 of 2014 coming up.

1) Casualties of Cool- Casualties of Cool

2) Parquet Courts- Sunbathing Animal

3) Sun Kil Moon- Benji

4) Alvvays- Alvvays

5) Ty Segall- Manipulator

6) Beck- Morning Phase

7) The Eels- The Cautionary Tales of E. Mark Everett

8) Ryley Walker- All Kinds of You

9)  Wand- Ganglion Reef

10) Conor Oberst- Upside Down Mountain

11) Jack White- Lazaretto

12) TV on the Radio- Seeds

13) Angel Olson- Burn Your Fire For No Witness

14) Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings- Give the People What They Want

15) Goat- Commune

16) Wovenhand- Regfractory Obdurate

17) New Pornographers- Brill Bruisers

18) Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers- Hypnotic Eye

19) Parquet Courts- Conten Nausea

20) Weezer- Everything Will Be Alright in the End

21) Spoon- They Want My Soul

22) Temples- Sun Structures

23) Lucinda Williams- Down Where the Spirit Meets the Bone

24) Bruce Springsteen- High Hopes

25) Manic Street Preachers- Futurology

2014 to me isn’t the greatest of years, but maybe that belies my age. I do like my top five though. Casualties of Cool takes the top spot. I’m not really a fan of country per se, but this Canadian duo adds ambiance and other influences on this album and it comes off as something of a melodic masterpiece. Casualties is followed by Parquet Courts with an album obviously influenced by Television. A nice Sun Kil Moon album, my surprise, and Ty Segall round out my top five. In the top ten, gems include Ryley Walker and the psychedelic Wand. Gems in my top twenty-five include TV on the Radio, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, Goat, and a second Parquet Courts album.

Biggest Surprise- Alvvays- Alvvays

Pronounced Always, this Canadian band reminds me of Camera Obscura in many ways. They also sound like some of the dream pop bands I’d hear on WHFS in the eighties. An enjoyable find.

Biggest Disappointment- Circulatory System- Mosaics Within Mosaic

Did I mention that some things are certainly an acquired taste? Well, this ‘psychedelic pop’ band has taken that to a new level. I get they’re trying to be experimental but they should at least try to be coherent. I guess this proves that just because it’s psychedelic doesn’t mean it’s necessarily good.

Honorable Mention- King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard- I’m In Your Mind Fuzz, Vashti Bunyan- Heartleap, Sharon Van Etten- Are We There, Black Keys- Turn Blue, AJJ- Christmas Island.

Stinker of the Year-  Riff Raff- Neon Icon

Another case of bad rap metal. Bad lyrics, bad background music, bad introduction. Otherwise, this is the greatest hip hop album since Public Enemy (yeah, right). Hey, at least I only have to review three more rotten albums. Am I a masochist or what? Please, don’t answer that.

Cute cover with the baby.

Wow, we’re getting near the end. Who would have ever thought? :D Anyway, we’ll be back soon with my top twenty-five of 2015. See you then.