2010

Would anyone like some tea?

Yes, my gherkins, I’m now in the year 2010 where these right wingers that call themselves the Tea Party want to take over the United States so they can bring America back to whatever it was in their minds. Of, course they have no chance of winning back the House. Just ask Rachel Maddow, who cracks about them being in the wilderness every night. There won’t be any Republicans left after November. I think I’ll take a swig of tea….(Bllttt!- spits out tea)… Rachel, you lied!

Okay, so the Tea Party has taken over the congress, or they will. It’s a good thing they passed that bill they named after President Hope even though it really isn’t all that great. But hey, it’s better than nothing, right? I mean we had a choice between a lousy health plan or no health plan at all. Geez, why wasn’t I born in Canada?

Lebron James makes a decision. Don’t know what it is though. Mel Gibson melts down again. At least he didn’t call his girlfriend a Jew. Some Deepwater thing or something has an oil leak. Well, they have to feed the wildlife something. You can’t eat a Happy Meal in San Francisco because they all want kids to be miserable I guess. Ronald McDonald is pissed again. Conan the Barbarian gets dumped from the Tonight Show because Jay wanted it back- spoilsport! And, no, that nimrod that wants to burn the Koran isn’t the guy in Monty Python. Why do they always have to find right wingers with names from the Pythons. Why don’t they pick on Benny Hill or something?

And poor Tiger Woods is, um, a little toothless these days. He hasn’t been a good boy it seems. And Al and Tipper separate; say it’s not so, Bill.

Well, I have to go; ,my Wiki is leaking and it’s snowing in Hell. The Saints have won the Super Bowl, YAY!

Event of the year: BP declares oil from the Deepwater Horizon was more beneficial to wildlife than water.

Fad: Tea bagging

Babe of the Year: Not Rachel Maddow

Scandal of the Year: Jay Leno overthrows Conan O’Brien

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Decision starring Lebron James.

What we could have done without: Flash Mobs

Pet of the year: Christine O’Donnell

Other Tidbits: Obama signs into law the not so affordable health care act, Tiger Woods apologizes for eating a Big Mac; Subway dumps him, Hell freezes over; The New Orleans Saints win the Super Bowl, Biden curses Obama out at a press conference, Angry people decide to have a tea party; Rachel Maddow laughs at them until they actually get elected, The British government outlaws Somali Pirate Radio, Terry Jones of Monty Python denies he wants to burn the Koran, he is told, “Oops, sorry; wrong Terry Jones,” Christine O’Donnell announces she isn’t a witch and turns Vice President Biden into a toad, Lindsey Lohan plays Wendy O’Williams in Liz and Dick.

1) The Like- Release Me

2)  Johnny Cash- American VI: Ain’t No Grave

3)  Ty Segall- Melted

4)  Vermillion Sands- S/T

5)  Beach House- Teen Dream

6)  MGMT- Congratulations

7)  New Pornographers-Together

8)  Broken Bells- Broken Bells

9) Sufjan Stevens- The Age of Adz

10)  Dangermouse/Sparklehorse- Dark Night of the Soul

11)  Gil Scott-Heron- I’m New Here

12)  Caribou- Swim

13)  Black Rebel Motorcycle Club- Beat the Devil’s Tattoo

14)  Black Angels- Phosphene Dream

15)  Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings- I Learned the Hard Way

16)  Boston Spaceships- Our Cubehouse Still Rocks

17)  Black Keys- Brothers

18)  Spoon- Transference

19)  Tallest Man On Earth- The Wild Hunt

20)  Sun Kil Moon- Admiral Fell Promises

21)  Villagers- Becoming a Jackal

22)  Ryan Bingham- Junky Star

23)  Tom Petty- Mojo

24)  The Dead Weather- Sea of Cowards

25)  Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti- Before Today

I think oldies lovers will like my number one pick. The Like essentially was a retro girl band circa the mid sixties. They’re a cross between the Phil Spector Girl groups scene and just plain garage rock. It’s one of my favorite albums, if not my favorite of the 10’s. the last of Johnny Cash’s American Recordings get the silver while Ty Segall, another fave of mine, Vermillion Sands, an obscure garage band out of Italy, and Baltimore’s dreamy Beach House round out my top five. In my top ten I’m especially partial to a surprising MGMT album and a Dangermouse-Mark Linkous collaboration. Linkous tragically committed suicide after the recording and this is essentially a tribute album for a very talented musician. As for the rest of my top twenty-five, I’d recommend Gil Scott-Heron (I think this was his swan song as well though I could be mistaken), BRMC, Sharon Jones, and the Villagers. Also, while not on my list check out Angel Olsen’s EP, Strange Cacti. This is female folk at its best.

Biggest Surprise- MGMT- Congratulations

I was under the impression from the little I heard of their music that MGMT tended to appeal to younger audiences, perhaps a little more hipper than this old curmudgeon who remains stuck in the sixties. So I was quite surprised to stumble upon this gem. It’s a great piece of pop psychedelia. If you’re looking for a good sample, I’d highly recommend the twelve minute long Siberian Breaks which is a great psychedelic suite in my opinion.

Biggest Disappointment-  Of Montreal- False Priest.

Did I mention I was stuck in the sixties? Yeah, well, I usually love these guys (and they later have an incredible cover of Expecting To Fly somewhere), partly because of their pieces of pop psychedelia. They obviously experiment with this album and they fail spectacularly. You see, being a lover of the sixties doesn’t exactly make me a fan of retro seventies disco, or whatever they were attempting to do. Where’s the Gay Parade when you need them?

Honorable Mention- Wovenhand- The Threshingfloor, The Eels- End Times, The Roots- How I Got Over, Laura Marling- I Speak Because I Can, Sheryl Crow- 100 Miles From Memphis

Stinker of the Year-  Nikki Minaj- Pink Friday

Nikki Minaj is the best. No, really, just ask her. I’m no rap expert but the lyrics sound a bit insipid to these virgin ears. She’s almost as obnoxious as Crazy Frog. At least she’s probably safer to be in a room with than Gary Glitter. Even stars like Rhianna and Kanye West can’t save this mess.

And so we have kicked off the 2010’s. Do we call this the teens or the onesies? Whatever, seven more top twenty fives to go, so I’ll see you next time.