2013

It's a bird, it's a plane, IT'S SHARKNADO!!!! 

The talking dog has transported me to the year 2013 where they’re still talking about either banning guns or arming all nuns to defend against psychos in schools. I guess you’re asking if nothing was done yet again. Did the Pope quit?

Yes, Pope Benedict Arnold became the first Pope in something like eight hundred years to resign due to bad health and maybe because he looked the other way (like everyone else) in those pesky pedophilia scandals in American parochial school and churches. Anyway, now they elected this guy they call Peter the Roman. He’s going to be the last Pope according to the St. Malachy Prophecy as he is going to leave Rome while it burns to the ground while Nero fiddles or something. Well, if he is going down, he is going down in a flame of… maybe I’ll come up with another analogy. Anyway, he’s actually pretty cool. He’s actually talking about things like helping the poor and acknowledging that gays are people too. Wow, this guy is a danger to mankind.

The government shuts down again (don’t they ever learn?) and some person who doesn’t know how to drive tries to ram the Capitol or something. Guess that will learn them. So the Government reopens but now we might fall off the fiscal cliff. Ouch! That’s gotta hurt.

Weiner and his weiner runs for mayor. He doesn’t get elected. Some guy named Zimmerman becomes a celebrity on Fox News and is praised as the greatest thing since Reagan. Actually, they think Reagan is too liberal these days. Pretty scary to think about, huh?

And that Hannah Montana; she’s so outrageous. Did you see her doing her own shocking moment on MTV? Yeah, she even shocked the shockers at MTV. Eddie the Spy exposed the NSA, CIA, FBI, Mickey Mouse Club, etc. Now he’s wanted and they’re chasing him in Hong Kong, then he’s stranded at the Moscow Airport because he can’t get a connecting flight to Ecuador. Putin finally lets him stay but he has to crack rocks in Siberia or something. Meanwhile now we know that the NSA was doing things like spying on the talking dog’s mother. Shame on you, NSA!

Well have to go. Have to talk to these twits on Twitter (am I clever or what :D)

Event of the year: Edward Snowden gives away Obama’s phone number

Fad:   Demonizing Trayvon Martin

Babe of the Year: Dzokhar Tzranaev (according to Rolling Stone)

Scandal of the Year: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announces Crack is Whack

Movie or TV show to barf to: Sharknado

What we could have done without: Honey Boo Boo

Pet of the year: Miley Cyrus

Other Tidbits: The Pope smokes dope and resigns, Gov Christie of New Jersey opens the Bridgegate Hotel in Fort Lee, Kathryn Sebelius brings in Mr. T to save Obamacare rollout, Lance Armstrong admits to taking aspirin, John Boehner jumps off the Fiscal Cliff, Edward Snowden is wanted by the FBI for littering, George Zimmerman changes his name to Bob Dylan, Assad crosses the line in his brother’s bedroom; Obama says don’t do it again, Congress shuts down the government but 7-11s remain open, Pope Francis comes out as an Argentinian, Don Corleone is assassinated by the Amish Mafia.

It’s almost over, kids. Shall we look at the damages?...

1) Ty Segall- Sleeper

2) Of Montreal- Lousy With Sylvianbriar

3) David Bowie- The Next Day

4) Kurt Vile- Wakin on a Pretty Daze

5)  Candy Claws- Ceres and Calypso in the Deep Time

6) Blood Ceremony- The Eldritch Dark

7) King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard- Fill Your Lungs

8) MGMT-MGMT

9) The Eels- Wondrous, Glorious

10) Depeche Mode- Delta Machine

11) Cage the Elephant- Melophobia

12) Manic Street Preachers- Rewind the Film

13) Sam Phillips- Push any Button

14) Black Angels- Indigo Meadow

15) Bill Callahan- Dream River

16) Thee Oh Sees- Floating Coffin

17) Chelsea Wolfe- Pain is Beauty

18) Travis- Where You Stand

19) Yo La Tengo- Fade

20) Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Mosquito

21) Steve Earle- The Low Highway

22) The National- Trouble Will Find Me

23) Inside Llewyn Davis Soundtrack

24) The Oblivians- Desperation

25) Goldfrapp- Tales of Us

As we get ever so closer to the present, I’m doing some deeper listening as I’m not as familiar with the more recent stuff than I was with the classics and such. So, naturally, I’m finding a lot of gems and surprises, my favorite surprise just edging in my top five. Ty Segall holds the top position with his seventies tinged Sleeper, my favorite from him. He’s followed by Of Montreal’s best album in well over a decade, a great David Bowie effort that rates with his seventies heyday, Kurt Vile, and my aforementioned surprise. The Eels and Depeche Mode make comebacks of sorts in my top ten while gems there include the early seventish Blood Ceremony and the Psychedelic King Gizzard. Gems in the rest of top twenty-five include Cage the Elephant, Bill Callahan, Chelsea Wolfe, and the Inside Llewyn Davis soundtrack. I really have to watch the film.

Biggest Surprise-  Candy Claws- Ceres and Calypso in the Deep Time

This is Animal Collective gone psychedelic. They’re certainly more cohesive. It’s very dreamy, ambient, and interesting throughout. Definitely a pleasant listen and one of my favorite albums this year.

Biggest Disappointment- Car Seat Headreast- Nervous Young Man

I’m beginning to like this band and I expect to like their more recent stuff a bit better. This album though, is way too long with two songs clocking in at somewhere around fifteen minutes. It sounds okay overall, I guess, but that’s just the problem. It’s so meh, it makes you want to turn on the TV and watch reality shows. Ugh!

Honorable Mention- Flaming Lips- The Terror, Mark Kozelek and Jimmy Lavalle- Perils From the Sea, Jason Isbell- Southeastern, Camera Obscura- Desire Lines, Laura Veirs- Warp and Weft

Stinker of the Year-  Justin Bieber- Believe Acoustic

Hey, it’s Justin Bieber; of course he stinks. This is about the time he let fame go to his head. Believe is bad enough as it was originally recorded, but now we get to hear him do his best imitation of Justin Timberlake. Hey, at least we know he knows how to drag race down his neighbor’s street without crashing into his house. Boy, I’m glad I’m only listening to this album once.

I believe it’s time to get out of here. Stay tuned; we only have four top twenty-fives yet so I’ll see you real soon.