2012

It’s Gangham Style (GAH!)

The talking dog has transported me to 2012 where I think I’m addicted to Mommy Porn. Oh, Lars, take off your shirt, ooh! Okay, you can put it back on again, why do men always have to shave their chests?

We don’t have a lot of time because the World is going to end on December 21. It’s a good thing they re-elected President Hope because Romney’s 47% didn’t show up I guess. There are so many things to get excited about such as what is Bragelina going to do today? Maybe they’ll adopt a kid from Zimbabwe or something, kind of like Madonna. I hope they never split up. TomKat split up because he wants to be a Scientologist and she wants to be normal or something like that. At least Kat got Suri. It’s hard when you can’t order pizza from your… oh wait, wrong Suri, never mind J.

The biggest band in Russia, Kittycat riot or something, got arrested for protesting and now they have to bust rocks in Siberia for the next two years or something. They still won’t buy their records though but the talking dog loves them anyway. And we learn where Benghazi is because they won’t let Or Her Either off the hook with that one. Hey, did you know Or Her Either is now Secretary of State? Or at least she was. She’s retiring to spend more time with her family, either that or she’s running for President again; I always get those two things confused.

It wasn’t a good year when it comes to shootings with the tragedies in Colorado and especially Sandy Hook. Maybe now they’ll do something about the problems with assault weapons and make the Second Amendment make some kind of sense. Either that, or they can argue about it like they always do. Maybe I should move to Greenland.

Okay, so here are my top twenty-five picks for 2012. Hope to see you in 2013 if I can escape before the world ends.

Event of the year: The world ends again; Merry Christmas.

Fad:  Committing suicide over Fifty Shades of Grey

Babes of the Year: Pussy Riot

Scandal of the Year: Secret Service agents caught stealing coffee in Colombia and having sex with Juan Valdez.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Duck Dynasty

What we could have done without: Al Roker going Gangnam

Pet of the year:  Taylor Swift

Other Tidbits: Mitt Romney is awarded the Oscar for most wooden character, The New Orleans Saints are penalized by the NFL for playing defense, New York Mayor Bloomberg starts a just say no to Coke or Pepsi campaign, Clint Eastwood lectures a chair, Hillary Clinton blows up the Embassy in Benghazi, The US is gripped with a Twinkie shortage, Drew Peterson’s lawyers lose their swagger, David Petreaus is caught in a sex scandal and the Democrats change his name to Betrayus again, New Jersey finds out that Sandy is a real blowhard, Amanda Bynes quits show business and becomes a nun, 47% of people think Romney’s a twit, Elmo charged with tickling boys.

And here we are with yet another list. And so goes the top Twenty Five of 2012.

1)  Goat- World Music

2)  Father John Misty- Fear Fun

3)  The Avett Brothers- The Carpenter

4)  Beach House- Bloom

5) Sun Kil Moon- Among the Leaves

6)  Rufus Wainwright- Out of the Game

7) Melody’s Echo Chamber- Melody’s Echo Chamber

8)  Angel Olson- Half Way Home

9)  Jack White- Blunderbuss

10)  Tallest Man on Earth- There’s No Leaving Now

11)  Bob Dylan- Tempest

12)  Ty Segall- Twins

13)  Parquet Courts- Light Up Gold

14)  Grizzly Bear- Shields

15)  Car Seat Headrest- Monomania

16)  Ty Segall Band- Slaughterhouse

17)  The Walkmen- Heaven

18)  (Sandy) Alex G- Trick

19) Animal Collective- Centipede Hz

20)  Apples in Stereo- Travelers in Space and Time

21)  Hexvessel- No Holier Temple

22)  Thee Oh Sees- Putrifiers II

23)  Bat For Lashes- The Haunted Man

24)  The XX- Coexist

25)  Sharon Van Etten- Tramp

This isn’t really one of the better years in my opinion. Still, there are some pretty good gems on this list starting with my biggest surprise at the top. I’m a big fan of psychedelia and my number one is a perfect piece of that genre. Father John Misty, a new favorite of mine, ends up with the silver this year, while the Avett Brothers, Beach House, and an amazing Sun Kil Moon round out my top five. I really like six and seven too. Rufus Wainwright got out of his show tunes style and the result is excellent while Melody’s Echo Chamber proves that some great music can indeed come from France. Other gems in my top twenty-five include another Bob Dylan comeback, Car Seat Headrest, (Sandy) Alex G, and the Apples in Stereo.

Biggest Surprise- Goat- World Music

I probably heard this one during my brief time at a music forum. There was one guy in particular who had great taste in music and I’m sure he was the one who recommended this gem. In any event, we have this latin rock (or maybe African Rock) tinged album. Anyway it’s nice to recommend something out of my own safety zone. It’s very late sixties sounding and I’m really falling in love with this one and it’s my top pick of 2012.

Biggest Disappointment- Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band- One of My Kind.

Where’s Bright Eyes when you need them? Is this a terrible album? Not really, but it comes off as rather bland, even by Conor’s standards. It certainly isn’t one of my worst disappointments over the years (it’s actually one of the better ones), but with this one, Conor just falls a little flat.

Honorable Mention- Cat Power- Sun, Bruce Springsteen- Wrecking Ball, Aimee Mann- Charmer, The Shins- Port of Morrow, First Aid Kit- The Lion’s Roar

Stinker of the Year-  Kreayshawn- Something About Kreay

And this is from the Nikki Minaj  white wannabe. At least Nikki knows how to keep up with the beat. And don’t miss her hit, Gucci Gucci, as she babbles along to the beat I guess. Man where are those bad gospel albums when you need them. Give me the Addicts. Don’t make me listen to this again before I become one (AAAAGH!)

And that’s it for another edition of Gertie’s Top Twenty-Five. See you next time when Mitt Romney runs for Queen of Denmark. See you then :D.