1981

Reach out and touch someone (that sounds kind of creepy).

The talking dog has transported me to 1981. I’m in this maze- it looks kind of dotty. It’s quiet except for all those annoying beeping sounds. Wait, that isn’t beeping; it’s a round monster that’s chomping everything in sight- and he’s after me- HELP! Don’t eat me, Pac Man, I’m not even that nutritious. Do you know too much fat can raise your cholesterol? Okay, that didn’t work; I’m not fat. Whew! A ghost got him.

There’s this group called the Moral Majority who really aren’t a majority at all. Still, they score six number one hits this year, I think. Somebody has Bette Davis’ eyes. I think she should give them back to her. Luke rapes Laura. Now they’re getting married (talk about creepy). There’s a wedding on TV, are Sonny and Cher getting back together? Nah, it’s just Charles and Diana- they can’t even sing. Then again, neither can Sonny.

They have this new network called MTV which stands for Michael The Viking or something. Some woman is getting physical and Andy Kaufmann is wrestling women. Better watch out, Andy; Pat Benatar is going to kick your ass.

And Uncle Walter is retiring. Well, that sucks. I hope he doesn’t leave on the Space Shuttle or join the Moonies or something. They should send Rather to do that.

Well, I have to catch a flight so see you next year. What do you mean he fired all the Air Traffic Controllers?

Event of the year:  The Space Shuttle launches and lands on the Moon

Fad:  Kicking Pacman machines

Babe of the Year: Wendy O Williams

Scandal of the Year: Joan Crawford goes berserk, attacks President Reagan with a wire hanger

Movie or TV show to barf to: CHiPS

What we could have done without: Luke and Laura

Pet of the year: John Hinckley

Other Tidbits: Rubik’s Cube invents the 8-ball, The Ayatollah thumbs his nose at Carter, ends up picking it, Reagan trades Daniel Ortega to Iran for the Iranian Hostages, wins the pennant, Michael Jackson marries Lisa Marie Presley in the Royal Wedding, Pat Benatar dares you to hit her with your best shot, Ronald Reagan fired as an air traffic controller, decides to invade Nicaragua instead, Muhammad Ali retires after losing to Mr. T, Anwar Sadat punches out his would be assassins, The London Marathon is run in Boston, The Aids virus is discovered in diet candy, Han Solo is mad and he carries a whip, Bette Davis gets her eyes back.

So what are my top twenty-fives this year? Well, compared to 1980, 1981 is kind of a downer. Maybe it’s the pall that was still lingering from Lennon’s death, who knows? Anyway, here goes…

1)  X- Wild Gift

2) Television Personalities- And Don’t the Kids Just Love It

3)  Gun Club- Fire of Love

4)  Heaven 17- Penthouse and Pavement

5)  The Undertones- Positive Touch

6)  Squeeze- East Side Story

7)  Ramones- Pleasant Dreams

8)  The Clash- Sandinista

9)  Milkshakes- Talkin’ Bout

10)  Black Uhuru- Red

11)  Soft Cell- Non-Stop Erotic Cafe

12)  Mission of Burma- Signals, Calls, and Marches

13)  Killing Joke- What’s This For

14)  The Cramps- Psychedelic Jungle

15)  Kraftwerk- Computer World

16)  Orchestral Manoevers in the Dark- Architecture and Morality

17)  The Dbs- Stands For Decibels

18)  Devo- New Traditionalists

19)  The Pretenders- Pretenders II

20)  Ultravox- Rage in Eden

21)  Split Enz- Waiata

22)  Au Pairs- Playing With a Different SEx

23)  Black Flag- Damaged

24)  Tom Tom Club- Tom Tom Club

25)  Bauhaus- Mask

I remember 1981 as being a bit of a bummer as it was the year after Lennon died, but the truth is, it was a damn good year for albums. X’s post punk classic tops my list this year. It has that late sixties vibe in it. My surprise gets the silver, while the post-punk Gun Club gets the bronze. She’s Like Heroin To Me still rings in my head. Heaven 17 surprises at number four and the Undertones round out the top five. Other top ten notables include a Ramones comeback and the retro sixties Milkshakes.

My list is dominated by post punk and some synthpop. Heaven 17 here reminds me of Violator era Depeche Mode while I might also note Mission of Burma and Black Flag on my list. Other gems include Soft Cell, The Tom Tom Club, and Bauhaus. I also want to mention Siouxsie in the Honorable Mentions. It was a close call as to whether to place her on the list but I ultimately went with Bauhaus. Still, Juju is a great album.

Biggest Surprise- Television Personalities- And Don’t the Kids Just Love It

This was an album I had to listen to on Spotify. I was expecting more goofiness in the vein of I Know Where Syd Barrett lives. What I got, was something more in the vein of twee pop, some of which I really like. They’re not the best singers and yet that only seems to enhance the songs, most of which are quite melodic. This was another album I kept edging up on my list until it ended up at number two. Great album.

Biggest Disappointment- Elvis Costello- Trust

Looking back, this is obviously a transitional album for Costello much like Station To Station was for Bowie. At the time I bought this new, I was coming off the heady albums of Armed Forces and Get Happy, so I was pretty disappointed to only really like a couple tracks (notably, Clubland) and even then they seemed a little forced as if Costello was going through the motions. This is also the same year he went country with Almost Blue so he may have been focusing his attentions on that. Anyway, the second Elvis has done better and will do better again.

Honorable Mention- Siouxsie and the Banshees- Juju, The Stranglers- The Gospel According To the Men in Black, New Order- Movement, Wipers- Youth of America, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers- Hard Promises

Stinker of the Year-  Mike Love- Looking Back With Love.

I don’t know if he was trying to prove he could make a better album than fellow Beach Boy Dennis Wilson, but I have news for you, Mikie, you can’t. Mike Love was the Beach Boy instrumental in trying to thwart Brain Wilson’s greatness (along with his own idiosyncrasies of course) and it shows on this album. And don’t forget Rockin the Man in the Boat, a wholesome song about masturbation.

Well, we’ve survived one year of Reagan while college rock begins to set in. We’ll hear some in the next few entries or so, so stay tuned. See you next time.