1978

Here I am in the year 1978 and what a strange year it is. Kool-Aid is the most popular drink in some hippie commune they call Jonestown. Boy, I’m not drinking their Kool-Aid; it might make me sick. They have three popes this year. How are they going to share the Vatican? I hope they don’t fight over the bathroom.

Everybody is Devo this year for some reason. California passes a proposition. Now you don’t have to pay property tax but the government doesn’t have to fill your pot holes either. Well, that isn’t fair. There’s an epidemic worse than the Swine Flu vaccine; they call it Saturday Night Fever. That gives me the Bee Gees (okay, stop groaning). Food fights are big this year. Billy Martin gets fired by the New York Yankees six or eight times this year. And they only rehired him once. Oh, and Grease is the word, is the word, is the word…

They put Susan B. Anthony on the silver dollar. They try to notify her but it turns out she’s dead. Well no one told me and I just saw her two years ago- in 1891. Talking dog, why don’t you tell me these things? I swear I’m going to trade him in for Benji.

Well, I guess it’s time to cover the best of 1978. How come I don’t look like Cheryl Tiegs?

Event of the year: Jim Jones warns his followers to stop drinking the Kool-Aid

Fad: Dying Popes

Babe of the Year: Miss Piggy

Scandal of the Year: Jack Tripper caught in a three way with Janet and Chrissy

Movie or TV show to barf to: Donny and Marie (neither are a little bit Rock  Roll)

What we could have done without: The Neutron Bomb (kills people but keeps building intact)

Pet of the year: Mork from Ork

Other Tidbits: Sadat and Begin sign the Camp David Accords and agree to tolerate each other, Scientists conclude kissing someone’s grits is gross, Roman Polanski flees to France to join the Foreign Legion, Camp David signs an accord and wins the Nobel Peace Prize, The Supreme Court declares food fights legal, Sean Penn assassinated in San Francisco by a man with a Twinkie, The Bee Gees meet up with the Maharishi, John Travolta joins the Moonies, Experts conclude that the Fonz is a dork, Eight is enough because nine is too much, Baba Wawa is mad at Gilda Radner.

Musically, it’s a banner year for New Wave and Punk. I’m excited, aren’t you? Tough, here’s my list…

1)  Elvis Costello- This Year’s Model

2)  Devo- Are We Not Men?

3)  Patti Smith- Easter

4) X-Ray Spex- Germ Free Adolescent

5)  Talking Heads- More Songs About Buildings and Food

6) Ramones- Road To Ruin

7)  Blondie- Parallel Lines

8)  Marvin Gaye- Here, My Dear

9)  Wire- Chairs Missing

10)  The Adverts- Crossing the Red Sea With the Adverts

11)  The Jam- All Mod Cons

12)  The Rolling Stones- Some Girls

13)  Funkadelic- One Nation Under a Groove

14)  Queen- Jazz

15)  The Clash- Give Em Enough Rope

16)  Kate Bush- The Kick Inside

17)  Dave Edmunds- Tracks on Wax

18)  Generation X- Generation X

19)  The Rutles- The Rutles

20)  Be Bop Deluxe- Drastic Plastic

21)  Bruce Springsteen- Darkness on the End of Town

22)  Buzzcocks- Love Bites

23)  Neil Young- Comes a Time

24)  Tom Robinson Band- Power in the Darkness

25)  Ultravox- Systems of Romance

There is a new Elvis in town and his last name isn’t Presley. This time, he holds the top spot with his Attractions with a sixties driven keyboard sound. This Year’s Model is perhaps his best album or at least one of his two best (see next year). Devo’s demented Are We Not Men takes the silver with a version of Satisfaction that I think is superior to the Stones’ version (no tomatoes, please). Patti Smith gets the bronze, while my biggest surprise and the Talking Heads round out the top five. There are some other neat gems on this list such as Marvin Gaye’s album that he had to make from a divorce settlement. Surprisingly, he didn’t do his own version of Metal Machine Music and it’s one of his best efforts. Other albums that impress me include the Adverts, Dave Edmunds’ best album (and very rockabilly), The Rutles (yeah, I know it’s a spoof on the Beatles but the songs really are good), and the Buzzcocks.

Biggest Surprise- X-Ray Spex- Germfree Adolescent

 I was going to say Marvin Gaye’s album which was actually a result of a divorce settlement, but then I heard in its entirety a band of which I had only been familiar with Up Bondage, Up Yours. These guys (and a girl) predated Romeo Void with the driving guitars and the sax in the background, and they did it a lot better. First I knew they’d be on the chart, then in the top ten, and finally, I decided to settle them in at number four. And the World That Turned Day Glo isn’t even their best song. Love this album.

Biggest Disappointment- Blondie- Plastic Letters.

A true disappointment. Sandwiched between their great debut album and the solid Parallel Lines, you have this borefest. The best songs are (I’m Touched By Your) Presence Dear (good) and a cover of Denis (meh). The rest of the album just doesn’t do it for me. Debbie Harry is a fox though, isn’t she ?(stop salivating, talking dog).

Honorable Mention- The Shirts- The Shirts, Alan Parson’s Project- Pyramid, The Cars- The Cars, Tom Waits- Blue Valentine, Boomtown Rats- A Tonic For the Troops

Stinker of the Year-  The Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band Soundtrack.

I don’t think I have to persuade too many people with this pick. It’s apparently pretty hard to cover the Beatles well anyway as only a few have done it. The Bee Gees and Peter Frampton certainly weren’t two of them.

Well that’s it for this year. See you next time as the seventies come to a close.