1975

The talking dog has transported me to 1975 where everyone has a pet rock, proving once and for all, that humans are gullible enough to buy anything. Children also are guaranteed they will never again have cavities with the invention of Pop Rocks- mainly because they'll have no teeth. Some guy named Chevy (why do they have to name him after a car?) is making fun of President Jerry, maybe because he doesn’t want you to drive a Ford. I want a Yugo myself. This guy named Franco keeps dying only to come back to life. I think he might be a zombie or something. They shoot at President Jerry twice, one of them is married to Charles Manson or something. I think she might be a mouse.

They’re doing this dance called the Hustle. And just in time too because they have to hustle out of Vietnam by drowning all their helicopters. And they wonder why the US budget is so bloated. Meanwhile, President Jerry tells New York to drop dead. That wasn’t nice.

And now everyone has to watch out for a giant shark that’s eating teenagers off Long Island. Maybe they should feed him Pop Rocks or at least Pop Tarts. Just don’t feed him Pop; he’s too gristly.

Well, enjoy my top twenty-five while I hang out at the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Riff Raff really needs a haircut.

Event of the year: James Hoffa is buried under thirty-two homes in Michigan.

Fad:  Petting rocks

Babe of the Year: Squeaky Fromme

Scandal of the Year: Mary Tyler Moore arrested for murdering Chuckles the Clown

Movie or TV show to barf to: Saturday Night Live with Howard Cosell

What we could have done without: Bruce Springsteen hype before anyone even heard of him

Pet of the year: Jaws

Other Tidbits: Saigon falls; is renamed Sun Myung Moon City, We learn that he’s Chevy Chase and we’re not, President Ford tells New York City to drop dead; it does, The Cod War: Angry fish invade Iceland, Francisco Franco becomes a zombie, Patty Hearst captured, stars in a John Waters movie (true), NASA sends a Minnesota Viking to Mars; he doesn’t eat purple people, The Bay City Rollers learn how to spell S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y, four guys in theatrical makeup become rock’s biggest sensations; they’re known as Aerosmith, down goes Frazier, President Ford survives two assassinations and gets into a car accident (also true), also becomes Chevy Chase’s bitch.

And with that, here we go with 1975…

1)  Patti Smith- Horses

2)  Bob Dylan- Blood on the Tracks

3)  Queen- A Night at the Opera

4)  Pink Floyd- Wish You Were Here

5)  Led Zeppelin- Physical Graffiti

6)  Electric Light Orchestra- Face the Music

7)  Curtis Mayfield- There’s No Place Like America Today

8)  Pavlov’s Dog- Pampered Menial

9)  Neil Young and Crazy Horse- Zuma

10)  Parliament- Mothership Connection

11)  Joni Mitchell- The Hissing of Summer Lawns

12)  Eno- Another Green World

13)  Elton John- Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy

14)  Bruce Springsteen- Born To Run

15)  Split Enz- Mental Notes

16)  Paul Simon- Still Crazy After All These Years

17)  Paul McCartney and Wings- Venus and Mars

18)  Crack the Sky- Crack the Sky

19)  Parliament- Chocolate City

20)  Roxy Music- Siren

21)  Bob Dylan and the Band- The Basement Tapes

22)  Dr. Feelgood- Malpractice

23)  The Who- The Who By Numbers

24)  Burning Spear- Marcus Garvey

25)  10cc- The Original Soundtrack.

The year ends with two powerhouse albums that probably identify better with 1976. Queen’s Night at the Opera, known for Bohemian Rhapsody of course, came out late this year while the number one album, Patti Smith’s Horses, ushered in many ways the American Punk movement though she considered herself a poet more than anything else. In between is a classic Bob Dylan album, a comeback of sorts for him. Two classic bands, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin, round out the top five. Other highlights include another great Curtis Mayfield album, Pavlov’s Dog, Neil Young and Crazy Horse, two funky entries by Parlaiment, and Dr. Feelgood

I also have to mention Crack the Sky, probably not the best known of bands, but they were huge in the Baltimore area in my teen years. They were the opening act at my first concert ever in 1976 (Frank Zappa was the main attraction). I’d see them on a couple more occasions as well. They put out a few quite good albums in the mid to late seventies into the early eighties but their debut remains the best of the bunch.

Biggest Surprise- Split Enz- Mental Notes.

This kind of plays like Peter Gabriel era Genesis maybe with a little less of the pomp. Split Enz pre True Colours is perhaps an acquired taste and I wasn’t expecting to be taken by this album, and yet I was. I was taken enough to bump Pavlov’s Dog as my biggest surprise (even though they rate a little higher overall).

Biggest Disappointment- David Bowie- Young Americans.

Maybe it’s because I was expecting another Ziggy Stardust album, but the truth is, white soul is not David Bowie’s forte. Yeah, there is Fame which is as good as anything he’s done, but the rest of the album falls flat for me. He’ll get into his second wind starting with Low but, to me, 1975 and 1976 are pretty lean years for the Thin White Duke.

Honorable Mention-  Dictators- Go Girl Crazy, John Cale- Helen of Troy, Phil Ochs- Gunfight at Carnegie Hall, Aerosmith- Toys in the Attic, Dave Edmunds- Subtle as a Flying Mallet

Stinker of the Year-  Lou Reed- Metal Machine Music

Some people actually like this album. It is the one stinker that was actually intended to be. See, Lou Reed was having contractual problems with RCA and was forced to record another album. So he came up with this stinker. Basically it’s all one chord and loud guitars. It makes you wonder if Lou Reed went deaf while doing this. The amazing thing is RCA actually released it. So yes, this is a stinker, but it is also one of the great F*** you’s in the history of rock. I salute you, Lou.

And another year goes by the wayside. We’re only forty-two years away from the end (God, rock is old). Anyhow stay tuned as we get into our Bicentennial Year (in the USA of course) later this week. See you then.