1977

The talking dog has transported me to 1977. What a weird world over in England. All these kids have safety pins in their cheeks. I think they’re protesting the use of Pampers or something.

They’re talking about this movie called Star Wars. It stars a giant dog named Chewbacca. The talking dog wants to beat him up because he likes Lassie. They forgot to tell him Lassie is really a boy. Jimmy Carter is the President of the United States- boy does he have teeth. Some guy named Reggie Jackson changes his name to Mr. October, I guess because Mr. May wasn’t available. Did you know Gary Gilmore has eyes, well, he did anyway.

Oh, and there’s this beauty queen who sells orange juice. She doesn’t like people who like, um, other people. Some prankster shoved a pie in her face. Now she has to sell lemon meringue pie cause she can’t sell orange juice anymore. Meanwhile, she has started a revolution and soon, most people will be okay with people liking other people. She should be proud (or is it horrified?).

It’s the summer that the lights go out in New York City. I heard it was caused by Sam’s son. Sam isn’t very proud. I wonder what Daughter of Sam would do?

And watch out or they might drop the neutron bomb. That wouldn’t be nice but at least my Barbie playhouse won’t be destroyed. The talking dog, on the other hand…

And if I hear You Light Up My Life one more time, I’m going to hurl on the talking dog.

Event of the year: Elvis Presley disappears and is later found at a 7-11 near you.

Fad:  Cheek piercing

Babe of the Year: Anita Bryant with a pie in her face

Scandal of the Year: Fonzie jumps the shark

Movie or TV show to barf to: Hardy Boys/ Nancy Drew Mysteries

What we could have done without: You Light Up My Life

Pet of the year: Chewbacca 

Other Tidbits: Son of Sam causes New York Blackout, Son of Steve punches him out, Reggie Jackson invents candy bars, Jimmy Carter (who’s not one) proves only a prick should be President, Sadat meets Begin and tolerate each other, Darth Vader tops the FBI Most Wanted List, Roman Polanski is arrested for molesting Rosemary’s baby, Decca turns down the Sex Pistols, they release Please Please Me next year, Kunte Kinte leads the Selma to Montgomery March, Elvis Costello has left the building, Charlie’s Angels join SWAT, Dean Martin gets roasted; Frank Sinatra arrested for cannibalism.

The top twenty five is picking up again and we have some real gems this year. So let’s get started…

1)  The Sex Pistols- Never Mind the Bollocks Here Are the Sex Pistols

2)  Blondie- Blondie

3)  The Ramones- Rocket To Russia

4)  Television- Marquee Moon

5)  The Ramones- Leave Home

6)  Elvis Costello- My Aim Is True

7)  David Bowie- Low

8)  The Damned- Damned, Damned, Damned

9)  Queen- News of the World

10)  Wire- Pink Flag

11)  The Jam- In the City

12)  The Clash- The Clash

13)  Suicide- Suicide

14)  Iggy Pop- Lust For Life

15)  David Bowie- Heroes

16)  Bob Marley- Exodus

17)  Talking Heads- Talking Heads ‘77’

18)  The Jam- This Is the Modern World

19)  Ultravox- Ha! Ha! Ha!

20)  Eno- Before and After Science

21)  The Saints- (I’m) Stranded

22)  Kraftwerk- Trans Europe Express

23)  Electric Light Orchestra- Out of the Blue

24)  The Real Kids- The Real Kids

25)  Dennis Wilson- Pacific Ocean Blue.

Yes, Punk Rock has taken over the charts (well, my charts anyway), and the Sex Pistols lead the charge with their one real effort (I’m not counting the Great Rock n Roll Swindle). They edge out Blondie who came out with their debut (and best) album. The Ramones land two in the top five while Television’s landmark Marquee Moon is sandwiched in between at four. Costello’s debut is a good one, but it will be his later farfisa driven work that will really wow me. Bowie scores with two solid albums from his electronic era. Punk efforts by the Jam, Clash, and the Saints score on my chart. Must listen albums also include Wire and Suicide.

Biggest Surprise- The Damned- Damned, Damned, Damned.

Don’t get me wrong. I do like the Damned, but I was thinking they did a few great tracks and the albums were more or less throwaways. Of course I was wrong as usual. I love how they are melodic at parts. They know how to mix pure punk with a little bit of, shall I say it, a little bit of sixties style garage. I love this album.

Biggest Disappointment-  Pink Floyd- Animals.

 I know, there are a lot of people who like this album, but I see this as a group trying to find direction in between Wish You Were Here and the Wall. It’s not a bad album, mind you. It just doesn’t seem to reach the heights of their great albums like Piper and Dark Side. Maybe I had expected another Dark Side. In any event, I’d have to give this one a meh.

Honorable Mention-  Ultravox- Ultravox!, Alan Parsons Project- I Robot, The Stranglers- Rattis Norvegicus, Iggy Pop- The Idiot, Neil Young- American Stars and Bars

Stinker of the Year-  (Tie) Allmann and Woman- Two the Hard Way, David Ingles- Satan Has Been Paralyzed

We have another tie, yay! First, the better known of the two. Cher and Gregg Allmann had a celebrated marriage that lasted about two hours give or take fifteen minutes.  Their, um, album starts off with them doing a disco duet. Yeah, I’m sure Gregg lived that one down. And of course there’s always that enlightened album title as if Gregg was some sort of caveman. I could have seen Cher beating Allmann on his head with the album for that one.

On the other album, the children’s puppet show is back as they gleefully sing that Satan has been paralyzed, praise Jesus. Yeah, I’m sure that made Jesus feel warm all over going out paralyzing souls (even evil ones) and knocking their teeth out. Boy, that sure converted me.

Well, another year goes down the drain. See you next time with my top twenty-five from 1978.