1986

The talking dog has transported me to 1986 and I’m on the tail of some comet. Ride em’, Bronco. Did you know that people were thinking it was the end of the world when Haley’s Comet hit in 1910? Well, Mark Twain died so I guess they we’re close. Of course everyone knows the world isn’t going to end until 2012.

This is the year of Hands Across America. I hope they catch the hand stealer. Cows are going mad, Nancy wants me to just say no. Okay, I say no to those silly anti-drug commercials because this is your brain on… what is your brain on again?

The Anti-Apartheid movement is trendy this year. Nope, I’m not going to play Sun City either. I might play Venus De Milo though; the talking dog thinks she’s cute, down boy. Did anyone see Captain Midnight on HBO? Yeah, the guys at HBO weren’t too thrilled either. Meanwhile, the talking dog is trusting Joe Isuzu with his money. No, talking dog, don’t put your money in that Savings and Loan… well, I warned him.

Well, I’m going to play with my Transformers because He-Man is trying to make it with the Sorceress of Grey Skull. Joan Rivers is still around?

Here is my top twenty-five of 1986.

Event of the year: Tom Cruise saves the world from Gaddafi and Xenu.

Fad:  Hands Across America

Babe of the Year: John Gotti

Scandal of the Year: Gaddafi bombed while wearing pantyhose

Movie or TV show to barf to: Small Wonder

What we could have done without: Bungee Jumping (especially if the tether snapped)

Pet of the year: Boy George

Other Tidbits: The Challenger goes throttle up, Reagan and Gorbachev agree to bet on the World Series, Bill Buckner makes the play of the year, Halley’s comet swallows Australia, Larouche says Hands Across America spreads AIDS, cows go mad in England, US bans smoking in Canada, Ferris Bueller elected Senator of North Carolina, Geraldo Rivera discovers Al Capone in his vault, Joan Rivers gets a new face, Man gets slapped when he calls Paul Simon Al, Crocodile Dundee determined to in fact be an alligator, Oprah Winfrey advocates the Twinkie diet.

Musically, it’s a strange year for me. REM made their first bad album in my opinion and, looking back, I think we’re in between musical eras, at least for me anyway. Still some gems though so here we go…

1)  XTC- Skylarking

2)  Elvis Costello- King of America

3)  Beastie Boys- Licensed To Ill

4)  Crowded House- Crowded House

5)  The Smiths- The Queen is Dead

6)  Elvis Costello- Blood and Chocolate

7)  World Party- Private Revolution

8)  Guadalcanal Diary- Jamboree

9)  Pet Shop Boys- Please

10)  Eurythmics- Revenge

11)  Robyn Hitchcock and the Egyptians- Element of Light

12)  Laurie Anderson- Home of the Brave

13)  Peter Gabriel- So

14)  Talking Heads- True Stories

15)  Smithereens- Especially For You

16)  Billy Bragg- Talking With the Taxman About Poetry

17)  Camper Van Beethoven- Camper Van Beethoven

18)  New Order- Brotherhood

19)  Spacemen 3- Sound of Confusion

20)  Love and Rockets- Express

21)  The Fall- Bend Sinister

22)  Run DMC- Raising Hell

23)  Husker Du- Candy Apple Grey

24)  Bad Brains- I Against I

25)  Erasure- Wonderland

XTC was at their creative high during this period. Sandwiched between their experimental Dukes of Stratosphear projects is the cerebral Skylarking which featured the brilliant and controversial Dear God on the American pressings. Elvis Costello has a monster year with two albums in my top ten. The Beastie Boys get the bronze with the rap/metal Licensed To Ill while Crowded House and the Smiths round out my top five. World Party is a notable standout in my top ten as is Guadalcanal Diary’s second album. This is what REM should have been sounding like circa 1986. Other gems in my top twenty-five include the surprising Laurie Anderson, an acquired taste to be sure but my other surprise of the year. I should also mention the Smithereens, Spacemen 3, and Bad Brains, who were really big in DC about this time.

Biggest Surprise- Pet Shop Boys- Please

These are the guys that did West End Girls of course. I always liked that song but I wasn’t as sure about the album. What it is, is excellent electro-pop. The songs blend in with each other quite nicely and is a joy to listen too, thus being my surprise of the year.

Biggest Disappointment- REM- Life’s Rich Pageant

 This is the first of a few transition albums for REM. It’s also the most awkward as they were trying to go from the acoustic based sound to the harder sound you’ll hear on Document next year. Pageant does feature the classic Fall On Me and Swan Swan Hummingbird, but when the third best song on the album is a cover of Superman, well, it sure isn’t Murmur. Love REM anyway though.

Honorable Mention-  Queen- A Kind of Magic, Megadeth- Peace Sells… But Who’s Buying, Paul Simon- Graceland, They Might Be Giants- They Might Be Giants, Violent Femmes- The Blind Leading the Naked.

Stinker of the Year-  Don Johnson- Heartbeat

The Middle Portion of our heartthrob stinkfest is of course by this humble man, Don Johnson,  who allegedly fired someone for not being excited enough or something like that. Anyhow, you’ve probably seen the video. And if you haven’t, don’t. It makes Miami Vice look like Shakespeare.

And so we scratch off another year. Do you know we’ve now hit the halfway point? I know, it’s a long history isn’t it. See you next time when we start the second half.