1984

Some old lady keeps asking me where the beef is. How should I know? All I know is the talking dog keeps peeing on Elsie, down, boy!

So now it’s 1984 and I have this strange feeling Big Brother is watching me which is odd since I don’t have a big brother. I don’t have a big sister either. That means I get all the candy, MUAHAHAHA!

Did you know Bruce Springsteen was born in the USA? And it was only four years since he had a wife in Baltimore, Jack. Everybody is breakdancing because  girls just want to have fun or something. The Soviets are boycotting the LA Olympics because we boycotted theirs. Nah, nah…we win the Olympics and you don’t.  President Ronnie has outlawed Russia and we’re going to be bombing in ten minutes. Hope your bomb shelters are ready. I wonder if MTV will air during a nuclear war.

Madonna is hot and Michael Jackson is on fire (okay, bad joke). John McEnroe can’t be serious. And all the guys are in love with Tina Turner’s legs. I think Mr. T’s haircut looks better though.

Well, I guess I’ll listen to Band Aid. I didn’t know bandages could sing. Anyway, here’s my top twenty-five of 1984.

Event of the year: Bruce Springsteen discloses he’s Born in the USA

Fad: Elvis sightings

Babe of the Year: Freddie Krueger

Scandal of the Year: It is disclosed that Madonna is not a virgin.

Movie or TV show to barf to: AfterMASH

What we could have done without: Sally Field (no, we don’t really like you) :p

Pet of the year: The Chia Pet

Other Tidbits: Walter Mondale asks ‘where’s the beef?’ and buys Wendy’s, Reagan says it’s Morning in America and sleeps late, Birthers claim Bruce Springsteen was not born in the USA,  George Michael joins the Pro-Life movement, announces he’s not gay, Who you gonna call? The Stay Puft Man destroys Tokyo, John Hughes complains his actors are a bunch of brats, OJ Simpson is a rental car agent, Girls just want to have fun, says Jerry Falwell’s wife, AIDS plagues the mosquito community in Mississippi, The USSR boycotts the LA Olympics and no one cares, Bernhard Goetz shoots thugs in a subway and says he has a death wish, The first untethered space walk; astronaut ends up on Mercury, Gremlins destroy Tokyo, Ike Turner makes a comeback with his sexy legs, David Hasslehoff committed when he swears his car is talking to him.

This was a big year for Springsteen (even Reagan liked him), but for me it was all about what was known then as college rock. I was listening to a station known as WHFS in those days and they played an eclectic band of music that you otherwise had to hear on a college station. Anyway, it influences my top twenty-five this year, so with that…

1)  REM- Reckoning

2)  The Smiths- The Smiths

3)  The Pretenders- Learning To Crawl

4)  Robyn Hitchcock- I Often Dream of Trains

5)  Depeche Mode- Some Great Reward

6)  The Replacements- Let It Be

7)  Guadalcanal Diary- Walking In the Shadow of the Big Man

8)  The Green Pajamas- Summer of Lust

9)  Julian Cope- Fried

10)  Elvis Costello- Goodbye Cruel World

11)  Prince- Purple Rain

 12) The Bangles- All Over the Place

13)  Let’s Active- Cypress

14)  Ultravox- Lament

15)  Beasts of Bourbon- The Axeman’s Jazz

16)  The Pandoras- It’s About Time

17)  Siouxsie and the Banshees- Hyaena

18)  Billy Bragg- Brewing It Up With Billy Bragg

19)  Husker Du- Zen Arcade

20)  Lloyd Cole and the Commotions- Rattlesnakes

21)  Bruce Springsteen- Born in the USA

22)  Queen- The Works

23)  Ramones- Too Tough To Die

24)  Salem 66- Salem 66 (EP)

25)  Violent Femmes- Hallowed Ground

1984 was a year for big surprises. I could have easily also put Robyn Hitchock’s album in the biggest surprise as well. I thought he might get in with an Honorable Mention, but I Often Dream of Trains really knocked my socks off. REM gets the top spot again though with Reckoning which also happens to feature my favorite song of the 80’s (and 90’s for that matter), So. Central Rain. The Smiths get the silver while the Pretenders are jangly as ever. Hitchcock and Depeche Mode (who you’ll be seeing a lot of), round out the top five. In the rest of the top ten, I might recommend Guadalcanal Diary, my first surprise, and Julian Cope, yet another surprise for me. Other notables in my top twenty-five include Billy Bragg, Lloyd Cole and the Commotions, and a folk rock EP from Salem 66. Another interesting EP is in my honorable mentions by the Marti Jones led Color Me Gone.

Biggest Surprise- (Tie) Green Pajamas- Summer of Lust, Beasts of Bourbon- The Axeman’s Jazz.

Yeah, I went with a couple obscure groups this time. The Green Pajamas hailed from Seattle and were a big deal there long before Nirvana. What I love about Summer of Lust is its late sixties vibe and a quality lo-fi sound that no doubt influenced the grungier Nirvana later.

Then there are the demented Beasts of Bourbon. They hail from Australia and impressed me with their own unique brand of psychobilly. In fact, their best song just happens to be called Psycho (totally different from the Sonics’ tune obviously). Basically, it’s a lament of a serial killer of sorts. Catch the video on YouTube; you’ll love it.

Biggest Disappointment- Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- From Her To Eternity.

I know I’m going to like a lot of Nick Cave later, but this album seems more like a tribal mish mash for want of a better description. It has its moments, such as the title track, but maybe he is one of those artists that has to grow on you.

Honorable Mention-  U2- The Unforgettable Fire, Hoodoo Gurus- Stoneage Romeos, John Lennon and Yoko Ono- Milk and Honey, Midnight Oil- Red Sails In the Sunset, Color Me Gone- Color Me Gone (EP)

Stinker of the Year-  Paul McCartney- Give My Regards To Broad Street

Yeah, the movie kind of sucked too. Basically the cute ex-Beatle sings his old tunes and even has a little help from his friends like Ringo Starr and George Martin. Boy, they had to be friends to help with this turkey.

Okay, Big Brother wasn’t so bad after all, Hey, it could have been Big Sister you sexist pigs. Anyway, we’ll see you next time.