1992

 The talking dog has transported me to the year 1992. Hey, this isn’t 90210! You deceived me, talking dog!

Welcome to the real world when people stop being polite and start getting real. You know, something like something else I’m seeing on TV. People aren’t very happy and they’re burning all kinds of property. They even invade Beverly Hills; now I know why you didn’t transport me to 90210, thanks, talking dog, you can stop humping me now.

The big story this year though is the Presidential Election because Bill feels your pain. I don’t know though; I haven’t seen him wince once. He can’t keep it in his pants either and Or Her Either, his happy housewife, swears she isn’t Tammy Wynette. She isn’t Eleanor Roosevelt either but we can get to that later.

There’s also this guy with the big ears who likes to talk a lot. He keeps entering the race, then dropping out, then entering again. Geez, Ross, make up your mind, will ya? Meanwhile, President George is so popular, his poll numbers go down every time the big eared guy blows his nose. I bet he wins the election anyway (or maybe not).

Did you hear John Gotti is made of Teflon? I guess it wore off. Sinead O’Connor rips a picture of the Pope, that jokester. And Murphy Brown is a bad example, I guess she should have had an abortion, Dan, you can’t have it both ways.

Well, it’s time for my favorite twenty-five of 1992. Party on, Garth!

Event of the year: Big Brother finally shows up eight years late.

Fad:  Wars

Babe of the Year: The Long Island Lolita

Scandal of the Year: President Bush throws up on the Japanese Prime Minister (he really did)

Movie or TV show to barf to: Sally Jesse Raphael

What we could have done without: Woody Allen and Mia Farrow

Pet of the year: Gennifer Flowers

Other Tidbits: Hillary Clinton announces she isn’t Tammy Wynette, Tammy Wynette announces Hillary Clinton can kiss her grits, Somalia signs a peace treaty and war breaks out, NAFTA established as a breath mint, Ross Perot drops in, drops out, and turns on, Teflon sent to prison, the Mall of America covers North Dakota, No Fly Zone enforced in Delaware, Bush says ‘No New Taxes- sort of’, Men don’t vote for Bill Clinton- or her either, Rodney King asks if we can all get along, we kick his ass again, China gets super sized, Charles and Diana separate but will keep the TV variety show, Whoopi Goldberg becomes a singing nun, Wayne and Garth sued by Queen for plagiarism, Bill Clinton doesn’t inhale and is hospitalized for asphyxiation, George Steinbrenner announces there’s no crying in baseball, The Real World is filmed on a soundstage on the Moon.

Musically, it is another interesting year. There are some classic rock artists and a little hip hop in this year’s treats. Are you ready? Okay…

1)  REM- Automatic For the People

2)  PJ Harvey- Dry

3)  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- Henry’s Dream

4)  XTC-Nonsuch

5)  Arrested Development- 3 Years, 5 Months, 2 Days in the Life Of…

6)  Sonic Youth- Dirty

7)  Chris Bell- I Am the Cosmos

8) The Gories- Outta Here

9)  Neil Young- Harvest Moon

10)  Guided By Voices- Propeller

11)  Disposable Heroes of Hiphopcrisy- Hypocrisy is the Greatest Luxury

12)  Peter Gabriel- Us

13)  Morrissey- Your Arsenal

14)  Tori Amos- Little Earthquakes

15)  Cracker- Cracker

16)  They Might Be Giants- Apollo 18

17)  10,000 Maniacs- Our Time In Eden

18)  Beastie Boys- Check Your Head

19)  Sugar- Copper Blue

20)  Eric Clapton- Unplugged

21)  Manic Street Preachers- Generation Terrorists

22)  Jesus and Mary Chain- Honey’s Dead

23)  Stone Temple Pilots- Core

24)  Jonathan Richman- I, Jonathan

25)  Tom Tom Club- Dark Sneak Love Action

It’s an interesting top five for me this year. REM tops my list with their best album since Murmur, while PJ Harvey’s debut really rocks it. Nick Cave has his best album to date while a surprising XTC and Arrested Development round out my top five. Gems in my top ten include a posthumous release by Chris Bell, once of Big Star, Neil Young, and the first of many great entries by Guided By Voices. Other gems in the top twenty-five include Disposable Heroes, Peter Gabriel’s best effort ,imo,  Tori Amos, and Jonathan Richman.

Biggest Surprise- The Gories- Outta Here

I stumbled on this when I was looking for some retro Garage. It’s one of the best. Normally, those type of albums are good listens but they generally aren’t all that deserving of a top twenty-five. But this one sounds so authentic. I especially like There But For the Grace of God Go I. That one sounds like it’s straight from 1966. Definitely one of my favorite Garage albums.

Biggest Disappointment- U2- Zooropa.

Yes, after praising at least three of U2’s albums previously, I can say without reservation that this album sucks. It doesn’t even have Zoo Station since that was on Achtung Baby. The highlight of this lemon (this album does have a song called Lemons, doesn’t it?) is the Edge’s introduction as a singer, something called Numb, probably because that’s how the song makes you feel. The video’s even worse as we see Mr. Edge getting a foot massage on his face among other things. It’s one of the most cringe worthy videos ever. Oh well, at least he wasn’t as pretentious as another celebrated member of U2 (I wonder who that could possibly be?).

Honorable Mention-  Alice in Chains- Dirt, King Missile- Happy Hour, Rage Against the Machine- Rage Against the Machine, Bettie Seveert- Palomine, Screaming Trees- Sweet Oblivion

Stinker of the Year-  Billy Ray Cyrus- Some Gave All.

And Some Gave Back. Yes, this is not only the album that spawned us the Achy Breaky Heart, this is the guy that spawned us Hannah, um, Miley. Oh, yes, the Achy Breaky Heart was the dance craze that made everybody go wild. Even country fans were so excited they barfed on the person next to them. You can imagine the barroom brawls that erupted. Mercifully he went into obscurity after this hardboiled egg. Not so mercifully, he came back as Hannah Montana’s father in a nice piece of ingenuous casting by the nice folks at Disney. What a guy.

Well, only twenty five years to go. Do you realize it could be 2019 when I actually finish this thing? Well, I’m patient :D. See you next time.