1997

I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really, want…

I want to get away from the Spice Girls, that’s what I want; stop panting, talking dog!

Well at least I don’t have to do the Macarena this year. It’s a good thing too because the chess champion can’t even beat a computer. Whatever, I’m watching Pop-Up Videos. Did you know that Chumbawumba was derived from a dream? And I guess Tubthumping is a breath mint too. Keep Tyson away from my ears, talking dog, and don’t smack my… Hey did you know Tiger Woods isn’t a tiger at all? Actually, he’s a real pussycat, meow!

Of course this is the year everyone is concerned about land mines halfway around the world. Why couldn’t have Princess Diana had a more important cause, you know, like World peace?

They found out what happened on the Titanic. Did you know that Celine Dion was on that boat? No, really, you can still hear that song cause she’s the greatest singer in the world, well, according to Ana Gasteyer anyway. Hanson has this song out called Hale-Bopp, or is that a comet. I guess they know at Heaven’s Gate (okay, okay, I’ll stop).

And President Bill is in hot water again. That Paula Jones is getting a nose job because anyone who gets a nose job must have been sexually abused by the Governor of Arkansas. Just ask that guy from Freedom Watch. Why is it that everyone who forms a group named freedom wants to take it away from people they don’t like?

And Ellen is Gay. Yesss! Okay, Marv, you’re getting a little kinky again. And Joe Camel isn’t so cool anymore. And Paul McCartney is a knight. I hope he doesn’t have to wear a suit of armor; they’re so clangy.

Well, here we go with my favorite albums of 1997. Don’t get knocked down cause then you’ll have to get up again.

Event of the year: Hong Kong returned to Cambodia

Fad: Looking for landmines

Babe of the Year: Daria

Scandal of the Year: Mike Tyson likes ears

Movie or TV show to barf to: Judge Judy

What we could have done without: Tickle Me Elmo

Pet of the year: Baby Spice

Other Tidbits: Tickle Me Elmo murders 23 people in Washington State, Princess Diana killed in a car accident in Paris; birthers immediately blame Obama, George Clooney holds a press conference; nobody cares, Titanic sinks again, People mistake Halle Berry for the Hale- Bopp comet and commit suicide, George Clooney holds another press conference, Harry Potter captures Tickle Me Elmo, JK Rowling turns George Clooney into a toad, Pathfinder lands on Mars and is eaten by giant ants, Kasparov loses to a vacuum cleaner, Hong Kong Flu given back to China, The Lion King complains he has a thorn in his paw, Mike Tyson invents ear casserole, OJ found by a jury to be a moron, Tiger Woods escapes from the Cincinnati Zoo.

Another interesting year to be sure. It was the year of Radiohead pretty much for me, but anyway, here goes…

1) Radiohead- OK Computer

2)  Yo La Tengo- I Can Hear the Heart Beating As One

3)  Guided By Voices- Mag Earwig!

4) Paul McCartney- Flaming Pie

5)  Bob Dylan- Time Out of Mind

6) Elliot Smith- Either/Or

7)  Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci- Barafundle

8)  Patti Smith- Peace and Noise

9)  Grandaddy- Under the Western Freeway

10)  Blur- Blur

11)  Dandy Warhols- The Dandy Warhols Come Down

12)  Flaming Lips- Zaireeka

13)  Travis- Good Feeling

14)  Of Montreal- Cherry Peel

15)  Apples in Stereo- Tone Soul Evolution

16)  Steve Earle- El Corazon

17)  Mogwai- Mogwai Young Team

18)  Spiritualized- Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space

19)  Supergrass- In It For the Money

20)  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- The Boatman’s Call

21)  Primal Scream- Vanishing Point

22)  Sleater-Kinney- Dig Me Out

23)  Brian Jonestown Massacre- Give It Back

24)  Tindersticks- Curtains

25)  16 Horsepower- Low Estate

Needless to say, Radiohead’s seminal album was not only the best of the year, but the best of the decade. To me, it was as psychedelic as anything I heard from the sixties even though they probably owed more to Joe Byrd than to Syd Barrett. Yo La Tengo gets the silver with their classic album. Guided By Voices follows while Paul’s McCartney’s best since Band On the Run, and Dylan round out the top five. Highlights in my top ten include Elliott Smith, Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci, another surprise for me, and Blur. Other highlights for me include gems from the likes of the Dandy Warhols, Flaming Lips, Steve Earle, and Supergrass. 1997 was another banner year as a couple albums I really liked such as Ron Sexsmith’s Other Songs don’t even make my honorable mentions, though they probably should have.

Biggest Surprise- Patti Smith – Peace and Noise

I love Patti Smith’s music of the seventies but she began to tail off around the time of Wave. Dream of Life would be okay, but it wouldn’t remind me of Horses exactly. This album, though, has bits of everything in it from the poetry that dominated Horses to the punk rock anthems of Radio Ethiopia. I really enjoyed this album.

Biggest Disappointment- Modest Mouse- The Lonesome Crowded West.

I have to admit, I can’t get into Modest Mouse like some people can. I expect they will get better later and there are some songs that I know I like. I don’t remember anything memorable off this album though. At least it is listenable which is more than I can say for some of my other disappointments.

Honorable Mention- Smog- Red Apple Falls, Built To Spill- Perfect From Now On, Future Bible Heroes- Memories of Love, Depeche Mode- Ultra, The Verve- Urban Hymns

Stinker of the Year-  Pat Boone- In a Metal Mood

You knew I had to put this one in here. I posted him twice in a music forum I briefly belonged to so why not go for the trifecta? Not really a metal album but basically hard big band that sounds like something from a cartoon (Ren and Stimpy comes to mind for some reason). And Boone sounds about as menacing as something from the Rat Pack. Yeah, this one is classically bad. And just think, it was his daughter that sang the classic You Light Up My Life.

Well, maybe we couldn’t corrupt ol’ white bucks, but we still had some fun, didn’t we? We’re almost in the homestretch now with twenty years to go. So we’ll see you next time with 1998.