1998

The talking dog has transported me to 1998 where another President gets impeached; this time because some frog named Newt doesn’t like him. Oh, yeah, and he has sex with someone other than his wife, but basically, Newt doesn’t like him. Newt tries to get his buddies elected so they can kick Billy out but he loses six seats and has to resign. Bye, Newt!

So now they have this Bob Livingston who also had an affair or something so he had to resign too. Now they have this guy Dennis who seems like a decent guy, well, until we find out many years later he took liberties with some young lads. And they say President Billy was a bad boy.

Well of course President Billy was a bad boy. And he swears he did not have sex with that woman (maybe with other women but not her). We also find out we don’t know what the definition of is, is. Look in the dictionary, stupid; it’s a helping verb (I think).

We also know that Billy likes cigars. Monica must have gotten sick. And he likes to wag the dog too. Yes, he likes you too, talking dog. They’re hitting home runs left and right. Wow, those vitamins really work. They keep changing Windows for some reason. What’s wrong, you didn’t like the colonial style? Will Ross and Rachel ever get together? Are you kidding, and screw up the ratings? And free Willy.

And will you stop, talking dog? Are you on Viagra or something? Sheesh!

Anyway, here are my top twenty-five for 1998. Meanwhile, have a cigar.

Event of the year: Bob Dole shills for Viagra (yeah, really, I couldn’t make this up)

Fad:  Using cigars for illicit sex

Babe of the Year: Marilyn Manson

Scandal of the Year: Truman Burbank discovers he lives with a bunch of actors in a dome.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Patch Adams

What we could have done without: Impeachment hearings

Pet of the year: Mr. Hanky

Other Tidbits: A Soy Bomb is detected at the Grammys, President Clinton swears he didn’t have sexual relations with that woman, Hillary Clinton, Monica Lewinsky wins the Miss America pageant, Newt Gingrich runs on impeaching Clinton, gets his ass kicked, Newt resigns, heir apparent resigns over scandal, new replacement turns out to be a child molester (we find out later), Willy is free, The Good Friday agreement signed on Tuesday, Clinton wags a dog’s tail, gets rabies, Quebec secedes from Maine, Bin Laden issues fatwa against everybody but himself, Hussein won’t let the UN inspect his treehouse, Clinton grounds him for two weeks, Europe forbids cloning of Dolly Parton, Private Ryan saved by Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno’s nose keeps growing.

Okay so here we go with one of my favorite years since the psychedelic sixties, even if some people don’t appreciate the indie scene ( and to that. :p: ). Anyway, here we go…

1) Neutral Milk Hotel- In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

2)  Elliott Smith- XO

3)  Manic Street Preachers- This Is My Truth, Tell Me Yours

4)  Eels- Electroshock Blues

5)  Quickspace- Precious Falling

6)  Billy Bragg and Wilco- Mermaid Avenue

7)  Lauryn Hill- The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

8)  Fatboy Slim- You’ve Come a Long Way Baby

9)  Air- Moon Safari

10)  Tortoise- TNT

11)  Mercury Rev- Deserter’s Songs

12)  Brian Jonestown Massacre- Strung Out in Heaven

13)  PJ Harvey- Is This Desire

14)  Gomez- Bring It On

15)  REM- Up

16)  Lucinda Williams- Car Wheels on a Gravel Road

17)  Cat Power- Moon Pix

18)  Rufus Wainwright- Rufus Wainwright

19)  Beck- Mutations

20)  Of Montreal- The Beside Drama: A Petite Tragedy

21)  Black Box Recorder- England Made Me

22)  Massive Attack- Mezzanine

23)  Golden Smog- Weird Tales

24)  Boards of Canada- Music Has a Right To Children

25)  Pernice Brothers- Overcome By Happiness

I really like this list. The late nineties, to me, is a great period for interesting music. Neutral Milk Hotel leads the list with their whimsical album. It’s one of the best of the nineties. Elliott Smith’s best gets the silver while the Manic Street Preachers, the Eels, and my surprise round out the top five. There are some real surprises in my lower top ten too such as Lauryn Hill, Air, and TNT. There is also a lot to recommend in my remaining top twenty five as well as in my Honorable Mentions such as Gomez. Lucinda Williams, Cat Power, Black Box Recorder, Golden Smog, and Gillian Welch in the HMs.

Biggest Surprise- Quickspace- Precious Falling

Before now I was only familiar with  a couple of tracks and an earlier album I wasn’t all that crazy about so I wasn’t expecting a lot from this album, even though the two tracks I really liked are on this album. But I ended up liking the whole album enough, I put it in my top five. This wasn’t my only surprise as I was also pleasantly shocked by Tortoise and Lucinda Williams.

But this one rates the highest so it gets the nod.

Biggest Disappointment- Teenage Fanclub- Songs From Northern Britain

Bandwagonesque  is one of my favorite retro glam rock albums. Unfortunately, it seems that their following albums seem to be retreads of the same thing. Songs From Northern Britain continues this trend. I mean it’s listenable, but it sounds kind of bland, like Teenage Fanclub have some sort of formula of sorts. Not bad, just boring.

Honorable Mention-  Tori Amos- From the Choir Girl Hotel, Gillian Welch- Hell Among the Yearlings, Tricky- Angels With Dirty Faces, Son Volt- Tremolo, Detroit Cobras- Mink Rat or Leaving

Stinker of the Year-  B*witched- B*witched.

These cute girls were Spice Girl wannabes essentially. They also prove that teen pop hadn’t evolved very much from the seventies. I’m pretty sure most girls outgrew this sort of pop by the time they reached, say, nine.

Okay, I’m done… this time. Next time, we party like it’s 1999 (The stinker of that year is going to be a hoot)