1993

Got milk?

The talking dog has transported me to 1993 where you have the right one, baby. Computers are starting to become more popular but it’s a pain to get online. What is that screeching sound anyway? There’s a new President and they’re already trying to impeach him. There’s some people that don’t want him to be the Governor of Arkansas anymore.

Of course, President Bill is making for great entertainment. Everyone says he’s so slick. Does he wear boxers or briefs? The world is dying to know. It’s not a very good year as some prankster bombs the World Trade Center with a U-Haul and some wacko who thinks he’s David Koresh or something and burns down some compound in Waco because the ATF wouldn’t leave him alone and Janet Reno is incapable of reading tea leaves. Actually, I tried reading tea leaves once. It didn’t work though because I can’t read Sanskrit.

Beavis and Butthead are the biggest thing since Simon and Garfunkel. I wonder if they’ll do a cover of Sounds of Silence while they set fire to each other. Jack Kevorkian wants to perform executions on sick people. They could have used you when they were killing Ted Bundy.  Hey, there’s Snoop Doggy Dog; he’s so adorable. Don’t you just want to pet him? Stop chasing him, talking dog!

And watch out for that Loreena, talking dog. She’s armed- with hedgeclippers.

Well that was a close call. Ready for the best of 1993? Too bad, I’m doing it anyway.

Event of the year: President Clinton gets a haircut

Fad: Beating up Barney the Dinosaur

Babe of the Year: RuPaul

Scandal of the Year: Michael Jackson announces on MTV that they inspected his penis- his penis!

Movie or TV show to barf to: The Chevy Chase Show

What we could have done without: Got milk mustaches

Pets of the year: The Olsen Twins

Other Tidbits: Loreena Bobbitt performs a delicate operation on her husband, David Koresh enters Guiness’ Book of World Records with the World’s largest bonfire, A black hawk poops on Somali warlords, Ben Johnson banned for drinking Gatorade, The Brady Bill passes and the Brady Bunch is legalized, The name of the FBI is changed to NAFTA, Rabin and Arafat sign Barry Bonds, Steffi Graf stabs Monica Seles with a plastic fork, Robin Williams admits he’s really an old lady, Ted Danson does a bad impression of Al Jolson, River Phoenix bitten by a viper, Roger Clinton swears he isn’t Billy Carter, Heidi Fleiss doesn’t floss.

I’m seeing a little bit of retro glam on this list. I’m pretty excited. How about you? Okay, so you’re not, tough titties. Anyhow, here goes…

1)  Suede- Suede

2)  Nirvana- In Utero

3)  The Breeders- Last Splash

4)  Liz Phair- Exile In Guyville

5)  Mazzy Star- So Tonight I Might See

6)  PJ Harvey- Rid of Me

7)  Frank Black- Frank Black

8)  Tindersticks- Tindersticks

9)  The Flaming Lips- Transmissions From the Satelitte Heart

10)  The Aueturs- New Wave

11)  Manic Street Preachers- Gold Against the Soul

12)  Uncle Tupelo- Anodyne

13)  Red House Painters- Red House Painters II (Bridges)

14)  Stereolab-Transient Noise Bursts With Announcements

15)  Cracker- Kerosene Hat

16)  New Order- Republic

17)  Pearl Jam- Vs.

18)  Bjork- Debut

19)  Sheryl Crow- Tuesday Night Music Club

20)  Aimee Mann-Whatever

21)  The Posies- Frosting On the Beater

22)  Reverend Horton Heat- The Full Custom Gospel Sounds of…

23)  Jellyfish- Spilt Milk

24)  Slowdive- Souvlaki

25)  Catherine Wheel- Chrome

I was quite impressed with my number one pick this year. Suede reminded me a little of David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust period. It was close as Nirvana again scored big with in Utero. After them, it seems that women are dominating the rest of my top five as  The Breeders, Liz Phair (who’s also my surprise this year), and Mazzy Star round out the top five. And to add to good measure, PJ Harvey comes in at six. An amazing double album debut from Tindersticks highlights the rest of my top ten. Actually, 1993 is one of the best quality years ever. There are albums I really like that didn’t even make my honorable mentions such as Yo La Tengo’s Painful. As for the list and honorable mentions, check out the Red House Painters, Stereolab, the Posies, and Belly.

Biggest Surprise- Liz Phair- Exile In Guyville.

This album came with a lot of hype and she suffered some pretty bad press for it, but the truth is, this album really rocks. She sings with a touch of bitterness and it is obvious she isn’t going to take any guff off no one. It’s straightforward rock with no frills. She’ll never top this one as she goes a little more (though not overtly so) commercial.

Biggest Disappointment-  World Party- Bang!

Yeah, that’s pretty much what I wanted to do with this album, go bang. Karl Wallinger previously had a couple decent Beatlesque albums to his belt so I was expecting more of the same. What I got was somebody trying to be a little too hip. He was smart enough to go a little more McCartneyish later, but on this album, well, ugh!

Honorable Mention-  Mercury Rev- Boces, Sarah McLachlan- Fumbling Towards Ecstasy, Belly-Star, Smashing Pumpkins- Siamese Dream, Blur- Modern Life is Rubbish

Stinker of the Year-  Joey Lawrence- Joey Lawrence

Oh (squeal) It’s Joey Lawrence, the teen heartthrob from Blossom (Shriek!). Wow listen to him sounding like Debarge or something. Don’t forget to kick da smoove groove. He’s so cool, I just want to squeeze him- to death.

And it’s time to say goodnight (goodbye?) again. See you next time as we dissect 1994.