1999

What do you mean Tinky Winky is gay?

I’m now transported to the year 1999 where everyone is afraid of this thing called Y2K. I think Shakespeare invented it (Y2K or not Y2k? That is the question). The Senate acquitted President Billy in what has to be the biggest waste of time since the Teapot Dome scandal (hey, did I mention I’m a amateur historian?). The talking dog is in love with the Powerpuff girls. They don’t see dead people though. I think the Blair Witch does though. And that Linda, she’s such a trip(p). Has anyone seen the new Star Wars? They have this guy, Jar Jar Binks. He’s the cutest thing since Chewbacca: everybody loves him. Kevorkian has to go to prison but they won’t let him perform any executions. Meanwhile... hey! They killed Kenny, you bastard!

Some guy named Slobovan is doing some sort of cleaning. That’s not very nice, Slobby. Hey, I like that name, Slobby Milosevic, remind me to use that later. We find out that JFK Jr can’t fly a plane (tragically, actually). Britney wants you to hit her, baby, one more time. That’s kind of creepy. The talking dog thinks she’s cute on that Rolling Stone cover though. Vida Loca baby.

Well, I have to split before all the computers blow up. Let’s party like it’s 1999, shall we?

Event of the year: JFK Jr. discovers he doesn’t know how to fly a plane

Fad:  Preparing for the end of the world

Babe of the Year: Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Scandal of the Year: Austin Powers gets shagged by Dr. Evil

Movie or TV show to barf to: Jerry Springer Show

What we could have done without: Pokemon

Pet of the year: Jar Jar Binks

Other Tidbits: Serbs get themselves cleansed by NATO, Mena Suvari smothered to death by roses, Kevin Spacey cleared; he has other things to do, EU bans American beef because they can, The Euro is invented as play money, Bill Clinton acquitted of being a sleazebag, Spongebob gets spanked by the Powerpuff Girls, Kevorkian sent to Stalag 13, Barbie files for Social Security, Putin overthrows Yeltsin as leader of THRUSH, Will Smith reminds us it’s 1999, thanks, Will, Napster Cat begins crime spree, The Millennium Bug gets the Melissa virus, Keanu Reeves goes five minutes without saying, “Whoa,” Jesse Ventura becomes Governor of Minnesota (for real), George Harrison attacked by a man with a banana, Tony Soprano has Barzini shot.

Well, this is the last year of the 20^th century. It was certainly an interesting one. And with that, my last top Twenty-Five before the new millennium…

1)  Of Montreal- The Gay Parade

2)  Wilco-Summerteeth

3)  Moby- Play

4)  Magnetic Fields- 69 Love Songs

5)  White Stripes- The White Stripes

6)   Radar Brothers- The Singing Hatchet

7)  Sparklehorse- Good Morning Spider

8)  Olivia Tremor Control- Black Foilage

9)  Gomez- Liquid Skin

10)  Sigur Rós- Ágætis byrjun 

11)  Flaming Lips- The Soft Bulletin

12)  Muse- Showbiz

13)  Tom Waits- Mule Variations

14)  Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci- Spanish Dance Troupe

15)  Black Heart Procession- 2

16)  XTC- Apple Venus Volume 1

17)  Built To Spill- Keep It Like a Secret

18)  Guided By Voices- Do the Collapse

19)  Blur-13

20)  Bonnie Prince Billy- I See a Darkness

21)  Old 97’s- Fight Songs

22)  Travis- The Man Who

23)  Apples in Stereo- Her Wallpaper Reverie

24)  Beth Orton- Central Reservation

25)  Ron Sexsmith- Whereabouts

The nineties finish with a bang. Actually the late nineties/early aughts is one of my favorite periods musically speaking. Of Montreal leads my list with their whimsical Gay Parade followed by a great Wilco effort. Moby takes the bronze, while the pensive Magnetic Fields and The White Stripes round out the top five. Gems in my top ten include one of my biggest surprises in years and Olivia Tremor Control. Other gems in my top twenty-five include the Flaming Lips, Gorky’s, Black Heart Procession,  and Bonnie Prince Billy (another surprise).

Biggest Surprise- Radar Brothers- The Singing Hatchet

I remember liking one song off this album so I had to put this on the list of albums to review. As it turns out, this is one of my favorite albums of 1999. It probably isn’t for everybody as all the songs are pretty much slowcore, albeit without the psychedelic bits. It’s actually a bit more like country rock with a little bit of Beatlesque jangle. Anyway, to me anyway, it’s a great album to simply mellow out to.

Biggest Disappointment-  Beck- Midnite Vultures

Beck was coming off of a couple well acclaimed albums. I rated Odelay quite high in fact. So this album came off as a little disappointing for me. Basically I couldn’t get into most of the songs on the album. Even the opening track and his most popular song, Sexx Laws, sounded a little like he was going through the motions. Beck fans might disagree with this.

Honorable Mention- David Bowie- Hours, Mogwai- Come On Die Young, Red Hot Chili Peppers- Californication, Bob Pollard and Doug Gillyard- Speak Kindly of Your Volunteer Fire Department, Nine Inch Nails- The Fragile

Stinker of the Year-  Will Smith- Willenium

Yes, it’s the Fresh Prince of Bel Air himself doing what he does best. The only problem is he does it without DJ Jazzy Jeff. This album is of course famous for his Willenium video when they party like it’s 1999 and he reminds you that it is. And of course we respond by saying, no s***, Sherlock. Yes, he needs some help with this one. Where’s Carlton when you need him?

And that does it for the Twentieth Century. This has been fun (seriously). We still have eighteen more years to go though so come back as we get past Y2K. See you then.