2003
I’m now transported into the year 2003. I’m in shock and
awe. We won the war in Iraq, we killed Saddam’s sons, and we finally captured
Saddam. Boy, he should take a bath sometime, bleh! I got a ride in the
Bloommobile, I found out French Fries were made in some country called Freedom.
I bet Ronald McDonald is pissed. And now the Homeland is secured. Isn't that
what they called Russia once or something? Oh, and don’t forget to buy a Dixie
Chicks record so you can burn it. How dare she say she’s ashamed of our
President, Bill Clinton? I dare her to say that in Texas. Don’t you love it
when people defend freedom of speech by persecuting those who exercise their
freedom of speech? Ah. America. I think Natalie Maines and Toby Keith should get
married. Don’t they make a cute couple?
And the new normal isn’t so bad. Scandals are once again
dominating the news. MTV has manufactured yet another ‘shocking moment.’ You
want to have a real shocking moment? Bring Howard Stern back naked. That will
make people barf.
They recalled a bunch of cars in California. Oh, yeah, they
recalled the Governor too. Hasta La Vista, baby. Yeah, they elected an actor
again. What is it with California and actors? First it’s Reagan and now it’s
the Terminator. When are they going to elect a rock star? Neil Young for
governor!
Martha Stewart is in trouble; I guess that isn’t a good
thing. Phil Spector is in trouble too. He ‘accidentally’ shot some girl because
she didn’t like the way he produced Let It Be or something. Either that or he
was just whacked out. And, no, I’m not going to live with Michael Jackson. And
did you know Diana Ross drinks? She drives too. Actually the talking dog drinks
too. You know you’re lactaid intolerant, talking dog!
Uh, oh, I better go. That two headed alien called Bennifer
is calling me. Please don’t Kill Bill.
Event of the year:
Britney kisses Madonna in what is described as shock and awe
Fad: Most Wanted Iraqi Playing Cards
Babe of the Year:
Natalie Maines
Scandal of the Year:
McDonalds criticized for super sizing freedom fries.
Movie or TV show to
barf to: From Justin to Kelly
What we could have
done without: The Bloommobile
Pet of the year: Anna
Nicole Smith
Other Tidbits:
Dixie Chicks insult George Bush and Americans use their freedom of speech to
attack their right to freedom of speech, US invades Iraq because why not, Saddam
Hussein captured and needs a shave, Nikki tells a telemarketer not to call her
again, Chuck Norris becomes a sky marshall, California recalls Gary Davis and
elects Gary Coleman, Jessica Lynch becomes a pin up model, SARS causes shock
and awe in Asia, The RIAA sues little girls because they’re mean, Joe isn’t a
Millionaire, Everyone says Simon Cowell is a nice guy, Americans deny gays
rights but love Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Bennifer decides to come out as
a ferret.
Well, while were wondering when the boys are coming hope
since the mission has been accomplished , let’s see what we have in my top
twenty-five…
1) The Shins- Chutes
Too Narrow
2) New Pornographers-
The Electric Version
3) My Morning Jacket-
It Still Moves
4) Sufjan Stevens-
Michigan
5) White Stripes-
Elephant
6) The Black Keys-
Thickfreakness
7) Muse- Absolution
8) Grandaddy- Sumday
9) Drive By Truckers-
Decoration Day
10) Nick Cave and the
Bad Seeds- Nocturama
11) The Unicorns- Who
Will Cut Our Hair When We’re Gone
12) The Decemberists-
Her Majesty the Decemberists
13) Radiohead- Hail
To the Thief
14) Cat Power- You
Are Free
15) Okkervil River-
Down the River of Golden Dreams
16) Gillian Welch-
Soul Journey
17) Guided By Voices-
Earthquake Glue
18) David Bowie-
Reality
19) Mogwai- Happy
Music For Happy People
20) M Ward- The
Transfiguration of Vincent
21) Manitoba- Up In
Flames
22) Lucinda Williams-
World Without Tears
23) Rufus Wainwright-
Want One
24) Pernice Brothers-
Yours Mine and Ours
25) Ben Harper- There
Will Be a Light
Things tail off a little after a great period in the late
90’s early aughts but it nevertheless is a good year for music. The Shins lead
the parade with their best effort, followed by another super album by the New
Pornographers. My Morning Jacket apes Neil Young as well as anybody while
Sufjan Stevens, one of my present favorites, and the White Stripes round out my
top five. Gems in my top ten include another favorite in the Black Keys, a
surprisingly good Muse album, and the Drive By Truckers. Other albums in my top
twenty-five I really enjoyed include the Decemberists, Gillian Welch, Mogwai,
Rufus Wainwright, and Ben Harper
Biggest Surprise- The Unicorns- Who Will Cut Our Hair When
We’re Gone.
And yes, the album is every bit as quirky as the title; and
that is its charm. I didn’t know what to expect from this album as weird music
can go either way for me. This one happened to have been done extremely well. I
always enjoy the different and this one rates right up there.
Biggest
Disappointments- M83- Dead Cities, Red Seas, and Lost Ghosts, The Yeah Yeah
Yeahs- Fever To Tell
If Metallica wins my stinker of the year award, M83 has to
be the runner up. Usually, my disappointment tends to be an album I expected to
like that turns out to be mediocre. In this case, this goes to an album I
expected to be listenable and turned out to be godawful. I mean, this is almost
like heavy metal new age if there is such a term. No, it’s not heavy metal at
all but I can’t think of a better analogy. Basically, the album bores me to
tears; I couldn’t even finish listening to it.
I also have to mention the Yeahs Yeah Yeahs who I expected
to really like. Date With the Night is a boss track. Unfortunately, the rest of
the album sounds more like a lot of noise and Karen O wailing unmercifully like
she’s the second coming of Yoko Ono. Will say M83 is worse however,
Honorable Mention- The Dears- No Cities Yet, Belle and
Sebastian- Dear Catastrophe Waitress, The Coral- Magic and Medicne, Brian
Jonestown Massacre- … And This Is Our Music, Travis- 12 Memories
Just Missed- Sun
Kil Moon- Ghosts of the Great Highway
Stinker of the Year- Metallica- St. Anger
I remember how this got hyped on VH-1 like this was the
greatest album since Led Zeppelin IV. Maybe this should really be my
disappointment of the year but, then again, I’m not really a Metallica Fan.
Some of these songs sound like they keep hitting a pebble on the record (don’t
you hate it when you get those?). Of course, this is after Lars Ulrich
infamously played the Grinch with his fans concerning Napster. So you get Gertie’s
stinker award, so there :p:
Well I guess I better go before the rabid Metallica fans
catch me. Hey, at least I didn’t pick on Insane Clown Posse… yet :D.
See you next time.
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