2003

I’m now transported into the year 2003. I’m in shock and awe. We won the war in Iraq, we killed Saddam’s sons, and we finally captured Saddam. Boy, he should take a bath sometime, bleh! I got a ride in the Bloommobile, I found out French Fries were made in some country called Freedom. I bet Ronald McDonald is pissed. And now the Homeland is secured. Isn't that what they called Russia once or something? Oh, and don’t forget to buy a Dixie Chicks record so you can burn it. How dare she say she’s ashamed of our President, Bill Clinton? I dare her to say that in Texas. Don’t you love it when people defend freedom of speech by persecuting those who exercise their freedom of speech? Ah. America. I think Natalie Maines and Toby Keith should get married. Don’t they make a cute couple?

And the new normal isn’t so bad. Scandals are once again dominating the news. MTV has manufactured yet another ‘shocking moment.’ You want to have a real shocking moment? Bring Howard Stern back naked. That will make people barf.

They recalled a bunch of cars in California. Oh, yeah, they recalled the Governor too. Hasta La Vista, baby. Yeah, they elected an actor again. What is it with California and actors? First it’s Reagan and now it’s the Terminator. When are they going to elect a rock star? Neil Young for governor!

Martha Stewart is in trouble; I guess that isn’t a good thing. Phil Spector is in trouble too. He ‘accidentally’ shot some girl because she didn’t like the way he produced Let It Be or something. Either that or he was just whacked out. And, no, I’m not going to live with Michael Jackson. And did you know Diana Ross drinks? She drives too. Actually the talking dog drinks too. You know you’re lactaid intolerant, talking dog!

Uh, oh, I better go. That two headed alien called Bennifer is calling me. Please don’t Kill Bill.

Event of the year: Britney kisses Madonna in what is described as shock and awe

Fad:  Most Wanted Iraqi Playing Cards

Babe of the Year: Natalie Maines

Scandal of the Year: McDonalds criticized for super sizing freedom fries.

Movie or TV show to barf to: From Justin to Kelly

What we could have done without: The Bloommobile

Pet of the year: Anna Nicole Smith

Other Tidbits: Dixie Chicks insult George Bush and Americans use their freedom of speech to attack their right to freedom of speech, US invades Iraq because why not, Saddam Hussein captured and needs a shave, Nikki tells a telemarketer not to call her again, Chuck Norris becomes a sky marshall, California recalls Gary Davis and elects Gary Coleman, Jessica Lynch becomes a pin up model, SARS causes shock and awe in Asia, The RIAA sues little girls because they’re mean, Joe isn’t a Millionaire, Everyone says Simon Cowell is a nice guy, Americans deny gays rights but love Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Bennifer decides to come out as a ferret.

Well, while were wondering when the boys are coming hope since the mission has been accomplished , let’s see what we have in my top twenty-five…

1) The Shins- Chutes Too Narrow

2)  New Pornographers- The Electric Version

3)  My Morning Jacket- It Still Moves

4)  Sufjan Stevens- Michigan

5)  White Stripes- Elephant

6)  The Black Keys- Thickfreakness

7)  Muse- Absolution

8)  Grandaddy- Sumday

9)  Drive By Truckers- Decoration Day

10)  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- Nocturama

11)  The Unicorns- Who Will Cut Our Hair When We’re Gone

12)  The Decemberists- Her Majesty the Decemberists

13)  Radiohead- Hail To the Thief

14)  Cat Power- You Are Free

15)  Okkervil River- Down the River of Golden Dreams

16)  Gillian Welch- Soul Journey

17)  Guided By Voices- Earthquake Glue

18)  David Bowie- Reality

19)  Mogwai- Happy Music For Happy People

20)  M Ward- The Transfiguration of Vincent

21)  Manitoba- Up In Flames

22)  Lucinda Williams- World Without Tears

23)  Rufus Wainwright- Want One

24)  Pernice Brothers- Yours Mine and Ours

25)  Ben Harper- There Will Be a Light

Things tail off a little after a great period in the late 90’s early aughts but it nevertheless is a good year for music. The Shins lead the parade with their best effort, followed by another super album by the New Pornographers. My Morning Jacket apes Neil Young as well as anybody while Sufjan Stevens, one of my present favorites, and the White Stripes round out my top five. Gems in my top ten include another favorite in the Black Keys, a surprisingly good Muse album, and the Drive By Truckers. Other albums in my top twenty-five I really enjoyed include the Decemberists, Gillian Welch, Mogwai, Rufus Wainwright, and Ben Harper

Biggest Surprise-  The Unicorns- Who Will Cut Our Hair When We’re Gone.

And yes, the album is every bit as quirky as the title; and that is its charm. I didn’t know what to expect from this album as weird music can go either way for me. This one happened to have been done extremely well. I always enjoy the different and this one rates right up there.

Biggest Disappointments- M83- Dead Cities, Red Seas, and Lost Ghosts, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Fever To Tell

If Metallica wins my stinker of the year award, M83 has to be the runner up. Usually, my disappointment tends to be an album I expected to like that turns out to be mediocre. In this case, this goes to an album I expected to be listenable and turned out to be godawful. I mean, this is almost like heavy metal new age if there is such a term. No, it’s not heavy metal at all but I can’t think of a better analogy. Basically, the album bores me to tears; I couldn’t even finish listening to it.

I also have to mention the Yeahs Yeah Yeahs who I expected to really like. Date With the Night is a boss track. Unfortunately, the rest of the album sounds more like a lot of noise and Karen O wailing unmercifully like she’s the second coming of Yoko Ono. Will say M83 is worse however,

Honorable Mention-  The Dears- No Cities Yet, Belle and Sebastian- Dear Catastrophe Waitress, The Coral- Magic and Medicne, Brian Jonestown Massacre- … And This Is Our Music, Travis- 12 Memories

Just Missed- Sun Kil Moon- Ghosts of the Great Highway

Stinker of the Year-  Metallica- St. Anger

I remember how this got hyped on VH-1 like this was the greatest album since Led Zeppelin IV. Maybe this should really be my disappointment of the year but, then again, I’m not really a Metallica Fan. Some of these songs sound like they keep hitting a pebble on the record (don’t you hate it when you get those?). Of course, this is after Lars Ulrich infamously played the Grinch with his fans concerning Napster. So you get Gertie’s stinker award, so there :p:

Well I guess I better go before the rabid Metallica fans catch me. Hey, at least I didn’t pick on Insane Clown Posse… yet :D.

See you next time.