1959

The talking dog has transported me to 1959. He’s still hoping to make it with Lassie.

And I find myself in this kitchen with a couple of nitwits who are arguing about capitalism and shoe styles or something. One guy looks like he wants to explode on someone and the other looks constipated, like he’s being tricky or something. The first guy also has a thing for Mickey Mouse too, don’t ask me why. No, talking dog, Minnie Mouse isn’t your type; she prefers Donald Duck. Will you stop humping me? I knew you should have been fixed.

Well, I have to get out of this kitchen. Hey, Kookie, lend me your comb, will ya? Never mind, Peter Gunn might shoot you. Some weird guy in a beard has taken over Cuba and is kicking out all these American companies. Great, where am I going to get my Cuban cigars from now, Nebraska? I think I’ll put a tiger in my tank. Then again, maybe I won’t; tigers bite, ouch!

Did you hear about Debbie and Eddie? Yeah, I bet they stay together forever. Liz is such a true friend. They’re also having hearings on quiz show fixing. People are bored by going after game show contestants though so now they want to destroy rock n roll instead. I think they’re calling it Payola. Isn't that a candy bar?

The teen idols are big this year. Paul Anka is so cute you just want to have his baby. And then there is Frankie Avalon (I wonder if he’ll make it with Annette), Bobby Rydell, Fabian… Hey, Fabian, lend me your comb, won’t you? Kookie’s being mean.

My Edsel broke down so now I have to drive an Impala. They’re pretty difficult; maybe I should have stuck with a horse. At least one good thing happened this year; the US didn’t blow up any spaceships, probably because Dick was busy in the kitchen arguing with that bald Russian guy. I hope they don’t start a Cold War.

Well, anyway, I’m listening to my top twenty-five albums of 1959 while I play with my Barbie doll. Boy does she have a tiny waist.

Event of the year: Disneyland becomes a Communist Country

Fad:  Cuban cigars

Babe of the Year: Barbie

Scandal of the Year: Hamilton Burger murders Perry Mason because he never won a case.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Plan 9 From Outer Space (okay so we laughed at that)

What we could have done without: Liz and Eddie

Pet of the year: Gidget

Other Tidbits: Everyone loves Fidel Castro except Ike, Alaska and Hawaii declare independence from Taiwan, The Mercury Seven  (The Right Stuff) become the world’s first boy band, Khrushchev visits Disneyland and beats Nixon in the kitchen with a shoe, Charlton Heston enters the Indianapolis 500 with a Chariot and loses, The music dies but comes back as a zombie, Charles DeGaulle denies cheating on Quiz Shows, Kookie lends me his comb and gives me lice, Timex keeps on ticking but ticks still suck.

And here we go with my top Twenty-Five of 1959.

1)  Dave Brubeck Quartet- Time Out

2)  Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers- Moanin

3)  Miles Davis- Kind of Blue

4)  Marty Robbins- Gunfighter Ballads and Trail Songs

5)  John Lee Hooker- I’m John Lee Hooker

6)  Coleman Hawkins and Ben Webster- Coleman Hawkins Encounters Ben Webster

7)  Charles Mingus- Mingus Ah Um

8)  Jimmy Smith- The Sermon

9)  The Wailers- The Fabulous Wailers

10)  Tom Lehrer- A Wasted Evening With Tom Lehrer

11)  Dave Van Ronk- Sings Ballads, Blues, and a Spiritual

12)  The Kingston Trio- Here We Go Again

13)  Johnny Cash- Songs of Our Soil

14)  Howlin Wolf- Moanin in the Moonlight

15)  Sonny Boy Williamson- Down and Out Blues

16)  John Fahey- Blind Joe Death

17)  Odetta- My Eyes Have Seen

18)  Ornette Coleman- The Shape of Jazz To Come

19)  Horace Silver Quintet- Finger Poppin With…

20)  Johnny Cash- The Fabulous Johnny Cash

21)  Kingston Trio- At Large

22)  Elvis Presley- A Date With Elvis

23)  Ray Charles- What’d I Say

24) Bo Diddley- Go Bo Diddley

25) Martin Denny- Quiet Village

This is a strong year for jazz as the genre holds the top three spots this year. It’s also the first year I’ve heard a Miles Davis album I actually rate more than meh. I don’t see Kind of Blue as the masterpiece others do. I can think of at least two albums (One being Bitches’ Brew) that are far superior to Kind of Blue. Still, it comes in at number three.  As for the top two. Brubeck edges out Blakey. I think Moanin’ is indeed one of the great jazz albums of the period, but Time Out flows like a Picasso masterpiece.  Even the cover looks like it could have painted by the master himself.

I go a little country at number four with Marty Robbins’ themed album. It’s a fantastic collection of ballads and it’s a lot more that just El Paso. John Lee Hooker gets his first entry and it may be his best. I’m also going to give a shout out to Tom Lehrer who comes up with one of the best comedy albums ever. Out of the Top Ten, but also deserving of a mention is Dave Van Ronk. We’ll be hearing more from him in future years. And, finally, Martin Denny just squeezes in albeit barely. I had to listen to that album as a kid as that was a favorite of my then step-father’s. Still it does have its moments.

Biggest Surprise- Jimmy Smith- The Sermon.

 I especially liked the title track and was tempted to rank the album higher. It certainly made me want to go to church.

Biggest Disappointment- Ornette Coleman- The Shape of Jazz To Come.

Yes, the album makes the list for 1959 but it really didn’t do a lot for me. It was good enough to make the list though. I guess I call it a disappointment because, for me at least, it didn’t live up to the hype around it.

Stinker of the Year- (tie) The Louvin Brothers- Satan is Real, Jack Lemmon- A Twist of Lemmon

Yep, the Louvin Brothers do it again. When I saw Satan is Real, I knew I had to give it a spin. And, yep, Satan is real. Oh, yeah. I bet Ira found out. He must have been inebriated as usual when he designed the nutty cover. Ooh, what a scary cover. It does have the Christian Life, later covered by the Byrds. Of course there is also Ira’s confessional the Drunkard’s Doom.

But Satan only gets a tie. For Jack Lemmon begins the long honored tradition of actors recording their own albums. I guess he sings adequately enough but he doesn’t sound a bit like Jack Lemmon. Then again Jim Nabors doesn’t sound like Gomer Pyle either. Anyhow, Lemmon wins an Oscar for easy listening meant to put people to sleep and would be a great inspiration to future lotharios like Telly Savalas, Eddie Murphy, and Don Johnson.

Well, that wraps up the fifties. See you later on as we cover 1960.