1958

The talking dog has transported me to 1958 in search of Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. Neither exists, but I do meet this guy that likes to eat purple people. He’s also off his meds. He also thinks I’m purple and he’s chasing me with a fork and knife, HELLLPP!

Fortunately, I’m saved by this weird guy in a blue suit with a big S on it. By the way, how does someone disguise himself by just taking off his glasses? And how can he see without glasses if he’s nearsighted? Anyway, they charge the Purple People Eater with attempted murder but some shyster named Perry Mason gets him off and blames the Witch Doctor (oo ee oo ah ah…).

The United States is launching rockets in the air but they keep blowing up. Maybe they should save them for the Fourth of July. And those Chipmunks are so cute, you just want to pick them up and squeeze them… wait, does Alvin have rabies? He’s foaming at the mouth, save me Superman!!

Wow, I’m awake, that was exhausting. Maybe I’ll watch some game shows. At least I know that’s honest family entertainment. I’m sure that Charles Van Doren guy would never cheat.

That Elvis guy is inducted into the army because they need rock n roll stars to save the world from communism. No, really, they discovered a new weapon that will end the Cold War. Did you know that an electric guitar can emit sixty megatons of radiation? That’s why the White Citizens Council fears the music, that and black people.

I drove my Edsel to the NFL Championship Game. They are playing a game called sudden death. Why does somebody have to die? I swear, the winning Quarterback must have a horseshoe on his head.

And some Governor from Arkansas doesn’t want children to enter his school because they don’t look like ghosts or something. Well, not everyone wants to wear a white sheet over their heads. Anyway, only ugly people wear white sheets, well, that and Nazi uniforms.

Anyway it’s time for my top twenty-five from 1958 so…

Event of the year: The Purple People Eats the Witch Doctor.

Fad:  Hula hoops

Babe of the Year: Mrs. Cleaver

Scandal of the Year: Colonel Nicholson builds a bridge over the River Kwai then blows it up.

Movie or TV show to barf to: Game Shows in general

What we could have done without: The Edsel

Pets of the year: The Chipmunks

Other Tidbits: China leaps forward and lands on Korea, Egypt and Syria reunite and hate each other, USS Nautilus captures Santa Claus, Sir Edmund Hillary is eaten by a penguin, Johnny Unitas becomes a household name and drinks Maypo, Elvis joins the Army and confounds Drill Sergeant Carter, Vincent Price swats a fly and is charged with murder, Marlon Brando says Steve McQueen is just another blob., the Purple People Eater signed by the Minnesota Vikings., unfortunately, the team isn’t established until 1961, Jerry Lee Lewis marries his 13 year old cousin, signs with the Brooklyn Dodgers; finds out they’re now in LA.

And with that, here is another top twenty-five.

1)  John Coltrane- Blue Train

2)  Bo Diddley- Bo Diddley

3)  Sonny Clark- Cool Struttin

4)  Cannonball Adderly- Something Else

5)  Miles Davis- Milestones

6)  Jimmy Reed- I’m Jimmy Reed

7)  The Kingston Trio- The Kingston Trio

8)  Lee Morgan- The Cooker

9)  Little Richard- Little Richard

10)  Johnny Cash- Johnny Cash Sings the Songs That Made Him Famous

11)  Buddy Holly- Buddy Holly

12)  Dale Hawkins- Oh Suzy Q!

13)  Sonny Rollins- Freedom Suite

14)  Thelonious Monk- Misterioso

15)  John Coltrane- Soultrane

16)  Ray Charles- Yes Indeed

17)  Chuck Berry- One Dozen Berrys

18)  Ray Charles- Ray Charles at Newport

19)  Ben Webster Quintet- Soulville

20)  Billie Holiday- Lady in Satin

21)  Stan Getz/Dizzy Gillepsie/Sonny Stint- For Musicians Only

22)  Ramblin Jack Elliott- Jack Takes the Floor

23)  Ray Charles and Milt Jackson- Soul Brothers

24)  Frank Sinatra- Come Fly With Me

25) The Everly Brothers- The Everly Brothers

This is the year of the Blue Train obviously. It’s the first of many great albums by Coltrane. Of course the title track rates as one of his great classics. Bo Diddley is essentially another greatest hits album of sorts but what a package it is. Note songs that will be famously covered by sixties acts, Who Do You Love and Diddy Wah Diddy are two great examples.

Three more jazz albums follow and then comes my other big surprise with Jimmy Reed’s album. Reed doesn’t get the credit other blues artists of the period seem to get, maybe because he was more commercially successful than greats like Waters and Hooker, but I’m Jimmy Reed rates right up there with anything the aforementioned two did. The Kingston Trio records the first of surprisingly good albums for me. Little Richard’s effort this year is probably better than his previous offering. Overall I think this is a pretty good list and it only gets better from here.

Biggest Surprise- Sonny Clark- Cool Struttin.

 I knew Blue Train would be good, but Clark wasn’t exactly bad. The album cover of some woman’s legs doesn’t hurt either. Well, that’s what my boyfriend says anyway, the perv.

Biggest Disappointment: Ramblin Jack Elliot- Jack Takes the Floor

You’ll see later I’m a big fan of folk so I was really hoping this one might threaten the top ten. As it was though, it might as well have been the Kingston Trio

Stinker of the Year- Leona Anderson- Music To Suffer By

Billed as the World’s most horrible singer, Leona Anderson preceded the legendary Mrs. Miller by a decade. Rats in My Room would probably empty a house of rats faster than any poison would. On the bright side, she almost sings Indian Love Call as well as Slim Whitman.

So there it is for 1958. If you see Elvis in Germany, try not to give him the Nazi salute- he might shoot you. See you next week.